Last night I laid down on the couch in my office and just wept.
I’ve been having a hard time putting my thoughts into words and processing what my soul has been wading through the past few weeks.
Life has been moving quickly. Life has been full … of good things and also hard things. Yet there’s this deep place of emptiness and a lack of understanding where this unsettling has come from.
I want to blame my childhood.
Nothing was ever the same. We were always on the move. Relationships were always changing. I knew to never get to close to anyone because in an instant, they too could be gone.
This is how life was in the military and it’s been hard to place roots in this world.
I want to blame my early adolescent years.
Wading through hurt in the church and a handful of kids before the age of twenty-five. I feel like I could have missed the moments which shape us into adults.
I want to blame something … someone.
But what if there is no one to blame, no finger to point, no check mark to place … what if this place of continual unsettling is just who God created me to be?
I’ve always hesitated in calling myself a creative. But maybe at the age of thirty-five I’m finally getting comfortable in my own skin. Caring less and less what others think.
It just seems when one calls themselves a creative it would seem as though I have some rare, exceptional gift of painting, hand lettering or photography.
The truth is, I feel pretty …
Always tapping into the desire to create but never really fully developing the talent.
Maybe you can relate to this. Maybe you can’t.
But I believe within each of us there is a place of deep unsettling when we aren’t becoming all God has created us to be. We chase dreams, we have to work, we wait for kids, we raise kids, we stay married, we wait to be married, we punch time clocks …
But are we really fulfilled?
111 times in the Bible the word create or created is used.
And create means to bring something into existence. And I am finding my place of unsettling is coming from the desire to … create.
There are so many beautiful things out there … words, pictures, songs but I really believe there’s more that has yet to exist.
And maybe you like myself have just lost the place we once longed for. Not intentionally, not purposefully and there’s no one to blame … it just happened.
So, if you feel like you’ve lost the creative bug … me too.
But here’s a few things I think we can do to get it back:
1. Find your place of creativity with God again.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” -Psalm 51:10
This is where I’m starting today. Asking God to help me remember the passions He’s given for things like piano music, photography and writing. I’ve let myself become so full of things I thought was what would fulfill me … good things but they aren’t the right things. Only God can show us these places.
2. Get off the things that drain your creative juices.
Decide each day to do something less to be able to do something more. Social media, email, the constant connections our culture offers really drain the creative flow, and let’s just be real … they are distractions. Even if you just turn your phone off for one hour and start there. If the world ends … you’ll know, in an hour. The emails will be there tomorrow. And that text message … it can wait. Protect this sacred place where creativity needs to flow. You’re the only one who can do it.
3. Refuse to believe the lie that there’s not enough time.
Yes, work has to be done. Bills have to be paid. Laundry has to be completed. And life has to be lived. But this excuse has numbed me the past few months. And I’ve become a little bit of a perfectionist in that if I don’t think I can fully do it … I don’t do it at all. If you had time scroll social media, you had time to create. If you had time to watch TV, you had time to create. Sure, maybe we have to get up earlier, manage our days better but where there is a want … there is a way.
So creative friend. Yes, I called you a creative. You didn’t lose it. It just got pushed back a little. But today is the best day to bring it back to surface. You’re not average.
Let yourself be unsettled … it might just bring forward the greatest “something” that has yet to be created.
[ps- The winner of last week’s giveaway was: Keelsi Booth! Congratulations!!]