As I am trying to spend the next few days deep in thought about Christmas, my focus has turned to Mary. Not even so much as the birth of Jesus through her but the death of Jesus that she had to experience. I find it absolutely amazing that almost every situation, tragic or triumph that we can face, there is someone in the bible who has been through it and we can grasp onto God’s word desperately. I told you how I felt so much of what Mary must have felt last year at this time, being “GREAT” with child. =) I wrote in my journal many thoughts that Mary must have had, things that she must have experienced. (some a little to personal to share on a blog!) But, here is Mary, she just gave birth to this miraculous child and I can’t help but wonder, did Mary know that in a few short years, she would lose this child in such a tragic way?
I have never felt the pain of losing a child, but I have known a few people personally who have experienced this deep pain. Whether through miscarriages, tragic death or illnesses, I don’t think it matters, when you lose a child, you lose a child. Even though Mary knew that this child she was bearing wasn’t really hers, I still can’t help but think that she felt in every way that he was hers. She gave birth to him, she nursed him, she taught him to walk, talk and play. She loved him, cared for him and I’m sure took great pride in him. How tragic it must have been for Mary to understand the death of Jesus. I doubt she ever really did understand it until she stood face to face with Him in heaven. She must have thought, “why such a cruel death? Why me? Why?”
I have had many conversations with my neighbor, Mrs.Martha about the tragic death of her daughter a few months ago. Through her eyes I have been able to see the deep pain that comes along with losing a child. I often think Mary must have felt like Martha in her old age. Tears that come unexpectedly, passing by things that make her think of her daughter, holidays, birthdays and little memories all the time. I think Mary and Mrs.Martha are quite the same because they both know that they will see their child again. They may not understand it, but the peace they have found is only through the grace of God.
How hard it must have been for Mary to stand at the cross and watch her son be crucified… How she must have wanted to take his place, as any mother would have… How she must have longed to hold him as an infant in her arms again… How she must have held on to that cross long after they took Jesus away…Oh it brings tears to my eyes, to think about what ultimately Jesus did for us, but what others around him went through as well, all in the name of salvation. Salvation for all. That’s the peace that passes ALL understanding for me.
