Ahhh…….I woke up this morning almost back to myself, except for my voice, it’s still a little creaky, but I’ll take it. I do NOT like being sick and I rarely get sick (my girls get sick all the time) but when I do, whew……it knocks me down. But I don’t even care what it was, all I know is God made me better! Taylor has no school today so we slept in this morning. They are upstairs watching cartoons and Kennyboo, she’s still snoozing away. I think that girly is growing, she’s been sleeping a lot lately, not that I’m complaining!!
So the past two days have been a little rough. Kris has been working like crazy, someone broke into my ebay account and has listed over 400 items in the past few days…….what a mess. I haven’t ran b/c I didn’t feel well, it’s less than one week before this big race. The house is not a wreck, but I’ve got “piles” everywhere of sorting stuff. And oh my…….I haven’t spent time with my sweet Lord, in two days, so get comfy, this will be a long one……..!!! =)
Yesterday afternoon the girls and I were outside laying on the trampoline, just soaking up this great sun, and Hope Ann said something to me that really made me go, hmmmm. Her and Taylor were arguing about something, Taylor began to ignore everything she was saying, and Hope was sitting there with her head tucked into her legs and she starts this fake cry and says, “I’m just getting a broken heart.” Taylor replies, “WELL, I ALREADY have a BROKEN HEART.” And I thought to myself, that is exactly what I’ve been dealing with with my Lord the past couple of weeks. I have felt that I have had a broken heart, because he’s just not answering what seems like……anything…… right now. And then I thought, wow, God’s heart must be broken that I’ve been saying that.
I was telling a friend of mine that sometimes I feel like I’m God’s biggest cheerleader. I’m always like,”YES, God can do it! He’s gonna step down! He’s gonna do something BIG here.” And then……….He doesn’t. Has God been answering some prayers? Yes, absolutely, and the thing is, they are all in His time. I’m so darn impatient with my walk with Christ. The other night I went to this women’s praying for marriage thing through my Sunday school class, and the lesson was on being patient with our husbands, not my biggest struggle, but OH I have seen that being patient with MY LORD, is a HUGE struggle. And then I cannot help but think how impatient God must get with me. How many times I go around the SAME old mountains, How many times I face conviction only to fall again.
Oh how I long for the day when I stand before Christ and I can just SEE his face……..I imagine…..I imagine right now he has that look of “here we go again” and He’s shaking his head at me. You see, I always say, it’s one thing to have a head full of knowledge, (like I KNOW God’s working) but it’s another thing to have a heart full of desire. And that desire needs to be patience. I know my thoughts of worry’s and “what about this God…….” have not been pleasing to my Lord. The other morning, I when I woke up and I wasn’t feeling well, I was like, “LORD, I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE SICK, MAKE ME WELL.” Obviously my heart’s desires to be well was not so that I could give God the glory for it, but just so life could be “accomplished!”. Like, make me well so I can check that off my list! How DARE I be that way!!!
This verse in Mark 4:19 through this Living Free study, speaks VOLUMES to me this morning, “The worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” And that is exactly what I’ve been…….unfruitful. Isn’t if funny that patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit???!!!!
But you see, what I love more than anything about my sweet Lord, is that this morning he is RIGHT HERE, just waiting for me to repent from my ugly heart and receive His grace once again. Oh……there is just SO MUCH peace in that. Knowing that no matter how many times I go and mess up, even though I’m really trying not to, I know my gracious God is right there waiting to hug me and forgive me….again. Kinda like Hope, and how many time I’ve had to forgive that child for making some kind of mess (yesterday she dumped a WHOLE bucket of necklace beads on the floor b/c she was looking for just ONE!) no matter how many buckets I dump out, I know God is there, yes I have to clean up my mess, just like Hope does, but the grace and forgiveness is there.
Well, everyone is up and wants to eat, so I guess I’d better go. We’re cleaning mom’s house today (yea! extra money!) and we’ve got to go to the post office, bank and grocery store. So, I’m glad I’m feeling better!! God is good!!! =) Have a very blessed day!
