Ok, I’m just overwhelmed right now, normally I would pick up the phone and call someone I dearly appreciate but, I just can’t bear to dump my burdens on someone else right now. One of my neighbors wants to buy our desk in our office, and I’m glad, But as I’ve been cleaning out everything this afternoon it has made me really sad, like reality is sinking in………I really hate to leave this neighborhood. I’m just so frustrated that Kris and I have been so faithful to the Lord and yet we always seem to get a NO when it comes to our housing prayers. I do not love this house and it is to far from the church, but I will miss my neighbors so much. I know wherever we are going to be I will have great neighbors, I always do, but I still can’t help but be a bit frustrated that we really did try to do the right thing with this house. We were just not given the truth in the beginning, once again.
I hate moving, I hate packing and I hate un-packing. I’ve done a little to much of it the past three years. I’m so grateful to mom and dad for letting us live with them for the summer, but I’m a little stressed about it. I just want to be settled, I just want to know where we are going to be living. What kind of house is it going to be, what neighborhood, who are my neighbors going to be? I will miss Mrs. Martha so much. She has been the grandmother I never got to experience, because we never lived close to either of my grandmothers. She DRIVES me crazy, but I will miss her so much! Tears flow from my cheeks as I think of how I felt when we first found this house, I really thought it was going to be our home……….but I think deep in my soul I did feel God’s still small voice saying, No Nicki, not yet……..I just didn’t want to hear it.
Kris has been working late every night this week and with it being Taylor’s spring break, I just haven’t had much of a break, so that’s why I’m taking a second blog break today. =) I don’t know why God will not allow us to be settled, maybe He’s got something big coming up and I need to get ready. He’s placed a calling on my life but will He ever place one on Kris’s life? You know I always wanted to have a house that my girls were born and raised in………..so far none of them have even come close to that! They are lucky to be born and stay there a year! =) Like I’ve said before, it’s not really been anything that we’ve done, it’s just been circumstances. Perhaps we are teaching our girls to be flexible……….I don’t know, I’m stretching for a life lesson here!
I don’t want to win the lottery or inherit millions of dollars, that all would pass away. But I want a home where we can stay put for a LONG time. I want to put some roots down for these girls. I want some roots down for me………..with my dad’s job and I can not tell you how many times I’ve moved in my life-time…..to many to count. I actually do think I counted one time and it’s been over 15 times!
Ok anyways………..how can I draw God’s strength through this? How can I get through this without being a grumpy momma? How can I make such a draining thing……..something positive? OH I could just cry………I just opened up my bible and found a note from Taylor, It says, “Mommy, thank you for all your kindness to us, Love Taylor”………….So precious, so sweet, just a reminder from my Lord that Kindness is the answer to it all. I look to this verse right now, Psalm 86:11 “Teach me your way O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name.”
Dearest Lord,
Oh you are so good to me, I thank you for the sweet breeze that blow through these windows right now……….no matter how bad it makes my allergies. Lord, you are teaching me your ways, and I will not allow Satan to steal this joy you have restored in me. I don’t know what you are doing and I realize that right now I just cannot know what your doing. May I walk in truth through every situation I’m facing right now. May today, just today, right now, just right now……may I be FILLED with kindness from you. Lord, I don’t feel like doing any of this stuff, I’d rather be off having fun with the girls doing something besides packing and selling stuff, but Lord, I know it has to be done.
Lord I don’t know why you bless some people one way and other another way. I don’t know why Kris and I have had this housing struggle for so long……..have we been naive? Have we not been walking in your words? Do we always believe that everyone is on our side? I don’t know…..but I do know this, I’m so thankful for wherever I have lived you have granted me special relationships with those around me. I thank you for keeping those relationships alive and holding those bonds of neighbors I have made together somehow. I think of many people, Shelia, Anne, Cindy, Stephanie, Jeanette, Terri, Tracy, Mrs. Martha, Mr. Ted and oh so many more people that I have lived in the same neighborhood with that have all meant so much to me. Thank you for always keeping that bond together somehow.
Be with me now as we prepare our hearts to say good-bye to neighbors once again. Lord, please just give me strength to get through this next chapter in our lives. I claim victories in every area of my life THROUGH YOU. Oh Lord, you are so good to me and I know you are working this all out. I trust in you alone, not in a realtor, mortgage broker or anyone else, my trust is in YOU. Lead me through this day, lead me to your promises, renew me Lord, oh renew me. I love you Father, Amen.
Ok so that was a long vent session, but I feel much better. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Blogs are so great for that, if you don’t have one, you really should give it a try!
Walking by Faith NOT by sight,
Nicki
