it's official…….

Yes, it’s official………The summer time momma blues have set in today. I don’t want to whine and complain about my life but I am about to pull my hair out! Things are just…….chaos around here. The other night Kris and I decided that we needed to get out of the same room with Kennedy….it’s NOT peaceful sleeping with her and she was ending up in the bed with us half-way through most nights. So we are now sleeping on an air mattress in the formal living room. And while Kennedy is no longer keeping us up at night my mom gets up at 4am every day!!! This would be all fine and dandy if we were just here for a visit but ya’ll…….my heart and my body is longing for my own bed and my own home so badly today.

We also are still having a hard time with some stuff with this house. The bank counter-offered and we accepted but apparently the owners have to sign off on it and they still haven’t…….so we are not in “official contract” yet. Am I worried? A little just because if it’s not going to work out then we need to know…….I know in my heart that is our house but what if I’m wrong? And why is it taking so long to just get a contract!!! They were supposed to have signed off on Saturday, it’s now Tuesday. We just can’t get anything done, the inspection the appraisal nothing until that contract is signed off. I know, I know……..I just have to trust in Him.

I’m just frustrated. We can’t afford to put the girl’s in ANY activities this summer b/c we are saving every penny we can for our down payment and the house needs a few repairs. So we’ve been at the Y almost every day but…….it’s getting old. I’m trying to stay positive, I’m trying to keep these girls busy but it is so hard. They are always like, “what’s next?”! With Kennedy still not even walking it’s not like we can just up and go everywhere, she gets tired of being in the car seat and stroller or shopping cart. Plus she still has to have a nap each day. So life is just blah blah blah today.

Kris is…..shall I say……..VERY unsympathetic towards me about this. Do ya’ll know that since Kennedy has been born he has NEVER been with these girls a whole day by himself??? A few hours with a few phone calls to me asking me when I’m coming home, and a huge guilt trip when I get home is just about all I can get. He has no idea how hard it is to handle fight after fight, spill after spill, tears and more tears, diapers and accidents, craft projects and meals, trying to keep everyone happy and quiet around my parents, staying gone w/o spending money……..goodness just to go to the grocery store is in itself “asking for it!”.

We are going to the beach in a few weeks, so I’m excited about that. I don’t know how you home school mommas do it…….I totally admire you. The other night we were out to dinner and there was a family with six, yes SIX children all under the age of at least 7 or 8. I was so amazed at that momma, how her children all sat there nicely, they were not screaming, asking for things, having to go to the bathroom, having to take them out b/c they were crying/fighting………..and I looked at Kris and I said, HOW on earth does she do that???

I’m just tired……..I haven’t slept a full night since we’ve been here. I miss my sleep, I miss my rest…….I miss just having some time alone. My dad is done with school now, so he’s home too. (he’s a teacher) Please pray ya’ll………pray that nothing is going to stop us from coming through this not only alive but strong. I feel like I’ve been in a battle for weeks now and the solider is tired……….I was doing great at first but this “six more weeks” stuff………whoa. Pray that this contract will come through very soon, that these people would quit messing around and sign the stupid papers. Pray that my attitude would change and I will hold us together a little longer. I know I can do it…….somewhere deep down inside of me there is victory. I know God is near…..I know He is, I just have to find him today. That’s all, I just have to find Him.