Defeat………

OH I’m so mad this morning. I will not even GO THERE with the weight thing today. I don’t know what my problem is, but things are very hard this time to get this weight off. And then yesterday afternoon I began to experience some back issues………I have this thing sciatic nerve issue…but haven’t had ANY issues in FIVE YEARS with it, I had it bad when I was pregnant with Hope because she was turned the wrong way (silly girl), but of course, here I am five years later having issues that I thought were gone forever……..NOT FUN. I don’t have time for this either. TO much to do.

But what a great hubby I have……..he came home yesterday cleaned up all the girl’s mess, dinner and did some laundry! Wasn’t that sweet of him? But I still have mounds of work to get done today, so I desperately need God’s healing touch on my ol back this morning!!! I’ve been stretching and stretching and poppin that Ibuprofen like it’s candy but I’m just not getting a lot of relief…..not sure what to do. Any suggestions anyone??

Tonight I have my little ones bible study (hee hee!!) THEY don’t know they are in my bible study, it’s just Wed night church to them……but this is my mission field right now! =) So bible study it is!! We are talking about not being selfish…..oh so fun. Selfishness leads to defeat is the total message I have gotten. And I guess it all comes back down to my defeat in my life…oh I hate talking about this but it needs to be said. I think about this weight thing…..I could try and justify it all, push it aside and tell myself “It’s not that bad” or “Well, it could be MUCH worse”. And yes, it could. But, it is selfish of me to not take care of myself and to not deal with this issue.

As mom’s we are always “doing” for others. Some days I find myself in tears because not a moment has been spared to even take a shower. I guess it’s why I enjoy writing so much, because it’s “my” time. But selfishness through this area is only going to lead to defeat. Just like if I choose to be selfish in my marriage, that most likely is going to lead to defeat. Or if I’m selfish with a friendship, only choosing to do whatever I want to do and not thinking of others, that’s going to lead to defeat as well.

God’s always looking at our motives….in everything we do. James 4 is an awesome passage of scripture to look at to understand this. This verse, verse 3 speaks to me a lot this morning, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” Now, assuming that this verse is talking about the material blessings we receive, I can still take a lot from it with this weight thing. What are my motives for loosing weight? Is it to be healthy? To be who God intends? Or is it so people will say, “You look great!” or “Way to go!” and so I can wear super cute clothes?? More than likely it’s the second part more than the first. (sighs)

So I guess today, needs to be a day spent in some serious prayer about my motives in a lot of things. I hate it when people question my motives WHEN they are true, but I also hate it when I don’t recognize when my motives aren’t true. Maybe that is my problem in getting this weight off…I don’t have the right motives. I don’t know, I could be way wrong too.

Dearest Lord,

Please forgive me for the times when my motives aren’t true or pure. Lord please create in me a clean heart today and renew my thinking. Lord I truly love you with all my heart and I long for your presence in my life today. God I desperately need you today in all my situations I have before me. Lord I know that you can use me even in the smallest acts like doing laundry to the bigger acts like teaching tonight. Lord help me to have victory today and not be overwhelmed with defeat.

Father, my back really hurts, please heal me, you know how much I have to do today. But Lord it also reminds me to pray for others who are hurting too today. Please bring them to my mind continually throughout the day heal their bodies, heal their hearts and Lord, speak to them. Keep my heart soft towards other’s who are hurting as well.

Lord our city needs rain, bad. We need to have your hands upon us and bless us with some rain. Lord I think of the farmer’s whose crops are struggling and how desperate they must be for you to bring the rain. Lord, please hear your people’s cry for rain.

Walk with me all day long, I love you Lord.

Amen