Turning dreams into reality

Like I said in my previous post, I’m a dreamer. I love to imagine BIG things for my life. One day I’d like to run a marathon……one day I’d like to fly in a helicopter, one day I’d like to travel the world again, and appreciate it this time!, one day I’d like to redo this awful looking play room in our house, one day I’d like to live in a big white house with a huge wrap around front porch and columns up to the sky!……..But, I have no doubt that one day God is going to use me in some way, big or small. I mean, I know the Lord uses me daily in my home, with my family and with my friends. But even now…..I can see somethings coming into play that I know will be used later on. I already know that God has given me boldness in accepting my past and the mistakes I made. I know I’ve received the grace of His forgiveness and I wear it as my crown each day……not something that comes easily. But I dream of being able to stand before a group of women and speaking from the bottom of my heart about the grace that I have found through Christ. I have in a small way been able to do this, but I’ve realized that God is still working things through my life. I’m battling the biggest hurdle of my life right now between me and the Lord……and I will come out victorious, ready to be used!

This morning, Joyce Meyer was talking about her early days in ministry and how so many people turned their backs on her. I could relate this to when I left a group that I was apart of for a long time. There were numerous reasons why I left, but the number one was that the Lord had called me to do something and I was desperate for Him and His work. Well, needless to say, those relationships that I thought were real turned out to be anything but that. I ended up hurt in a very real way, people that I thought were friends turned out to only be a friend in that setting, something that still is a little raw on my soul. But, something that I’ve totally had to release into the hands of the Lord……not an easy task either. I’m sure we can all relate to this feeling, we’ve all been hurt or let down.

I strongly believe that we have to experience things like this in order to discover who we are just with Jesus. So many times our houses, our cars, our friends, our kids and our life-styles define us……when in reality it should be our relationships with Christ that define us. Don’t get me wrong, we totally need our girlfriend relationships! There have been many days where I have just had to call my best friend and lay it ALL OUT. And she knows that and she’ll be the first to say that is how we are together we just get it all out……..it’s funny how friendships as deep as that stem from situations we’d never thought they would! But I think in order for us to fully be who Christ intends us to be and experience the love that is only found in Him, we have to go through some heartache……….how on earth would we ever be able to relate to anyone had we not gone through hard times???

God requires……..not asks, requires us to be set apart, different, changed and set free. I think about this season of life I am in right now. A season that tends to be rather lonely some days. But, I know that although I may feel lonely…….I am not alone!! =) This is a season that God has chosen to require much studying of His word……much seeking out of His perfect will……..and a season of MUCH contentment!! Last night after my neighbors once again just got into the car and stared at me like I’m an out of control mother of three wild youngins……I almost started to cry. I have so tried to be good neighbors to these people, taking them cookies, breads and being OVERLY friendly…….but whatever the reason, they just don’t like us. I almost let myself slip into the trap of “my life just stinks in this house” “I want my old neighbors back, my old house back” but, I didn’t. But of course where you get victory in one area…….the enemy is right there behind you, trying to bring you down in another! Isn’t that how life is sometimes, no matter how hard you try….it just still isn’t what you want it to be!

I can either choose to love what God has given me for this time or I can soak up my misery for another five years. I know that my seasons will soon be changing as I look at this toddler at my feet playing with her fishy game….she will soon change and the other girls will soon change, and life will be different. I know God will bring people into my life at just the right times, right when I need them the most…….but right now, I see that through this season of life, God wants me to want Him more than anything or anyone else. I am quite sure that one day I will come across another woman who will be dealing with all these issues……maybe I will be past my season, maybe I won’t. But it’s how am I going to let God use me now…..right here, in this season, rather than just waiting for it to pass me by. Oh how I do not want to be that way!

Dearest Lord,

No matter how hard it is to come on here and pour my thoughts out to you and everyone that reads this, I know that it is only by your grace that I am able to even get up in the morning, so it will only be by your grace that anyone reads this and gets anything from it. Father, this season of life I’m in, I’m sure and I know there are other women in it as well. It’s hard God, learning to be content with less, smaller and not as friendly. But God I choose victory, I choose you. I choose to love you more than anything or anyone else in this world. I so long for the days where I will be in your presence forever and thank you for giving me glimpses into your eternal kingdom in the beauty that is all around me.

God I know that your word promises me that I don’t have to be a certain age, have tons of degrees or anything like that to be used by you. So take my life’s circumstances and turn them around all for your glory. Turn my thoughts away from this world and the battles that are all around me and let me taste the sweet taste of victory in my life today. Use me Father, even tonight, as I get ready to teach those little ones about you. May I make a difference somehow……someway.

Father, I love you, I praise you……..walk beside me all day. Let my thoughts be a continued prayer unto you. Bring people to my mind continually throughout the day to pray for, lift up to you and encourage. Fill my mind with dreams and visions from you. I love you Lord.

Amen