Confessions of a broken heart.

I think it’s time for me to tell you the heart behind the title of this blog: Be Unlikely. This is not going to be an easy post to write…but I feel that nudging in my heart that -it’s time.

A few months ago I was at an event. I was having a great time. Being the people person that I am -I was completely in my element at this event. There was a new conversation everywhere I turned and I was enjoying every moment of it all.

Until…I unexpectedly ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years.

And I mean…years.

At first it was a very happy reunion. We caught up on the big details like, “What are you doing here?” and “Where do you live?” And then like the trickle effect of  a new conversation with an old friend, eventually we had to go to where we had left off. “Well what happened to so in so?” and “Oh my goodness…is that a ring on your finger? How long have you been married?”

And then it happens. Every time. Time slips into a place that I have to explain. Me. Who I am. What brought me to this place and…my story.

At this point in my life…between all the bible studies I’ve taught, the speaking engagements, and the one-on-one conversations I have had, I have told my story. Plenty. But there’s something about telling your story to someone who has no clue of what you have been through -it  just stings a little bit harder.

They left your story when it was still peaches and cream. When it looked like everything was going to turn out better than ok for you. They believed great things happened to you and that you became all you ever hoped you would be. They had no idea.

And then truth’s, facts and events surface the conversation.

And then I feel it. That deep place that never seems to go away. Their face says it all and then my heart sinks, “Oh…it’s another person I disappointed.”

Friends, hear me say, I know the depths that God has brought this  girl right here through. We have been down the road of judgment and condemnation that He has rescued me -more than once. But there is still a very raw place in my heart when I feel those looks of shame from others.

Please don’t pity me. Please don’t condemn me. Please don’t hate me for the mistakes I have made along this path.

Every raw corner of my soul is who I am. The ugly and the beautiful…it’s all me.

Recently, my heart has become very passionate for speaking out for…us. The unlikely ones. The ones that the rest of the world looks at with hate, guilt and shame. We are the ones who make more mistakes than we can count. We fail over and over again. And by more than one person we are labeled: Unlikely for God.

I am all for teaching this next generation the truth of God, the heart of God, the reasons for purity, the reasons for holiness and the reasons for His righteousness. It’s why I do what I do.

And I realize…full and well that there may be many of you who read this blog that have done A, B and C and your life has planned out the way you always thought it should. I think that’s great. And if that’s you…awesome.

But what about us?

Us. The ones who have not only been disqualified but kicked out of the Jesus girl society?

My heart breaks. It hurts. And it longs for so much more than…this. I’m tired of the lies that Satan keeps feeding us that our past somehow defines us.

I will not be a definition of shame.

So today, on behalf of every unlikely girl out there…I speak these words:

We are not failures. We are not hopeless. We are not victims to the critics anymore. We are not alone. We are not cast-off’s. We are not lost.

We are chosen. We are hand-picked. We are unique. We are beautiful. We are filled with hope. We are redeemed. We are set-apart. We are…unlikely.

But guess what? The beautiful thing about being unlikely is that God has a very unique redemptive mission for you…and me. Not one that gets in everyone’s face and tells them where to shove their judgments and condemnation.

No…it’s peaceful. It’s loving. It’s kind. And it’s…good.

Yes, my heart is broken tonight as I write this. And there are tears pouring out of my eyes. But may I always come back to this place to remember where He is taking me. So that I will embrace what it means to, be unlikely.

Because here, I embrace my purpose in His redeeming love. I embrace grace that covers the layers of mistakes, failures and hurt. I embrace truth in His word and I embrace belief in His tender touch on this broken heart.

That’s me. That’s who I am. One very unlikely girl who believes in the great power of the most likely God.