I don’t feel good today. I’m tired. I had an agenda today and I’m not getting near close to my to-do list being done.
But maybe this is exactly where I’m supposed to be today. My house is quiet. My phone is silent. There are no children running, fighting, arguing or “needing” anything. Yes, this is where I’m supposed to be at this moment.
The past few weeks I’ve been going through some tough times. While I tend to wear all my emotions on my sleeve and this is something that most people like about me…I realize that just as Ecclesiastes tells us there are times for everything, that is also tells us there are also times to be silent.
There are things that are only the business of God and ourselves.
Among things I’ve come to accept is that -we need to learn to unapologetically sit in silence at times.
This past weekend my family went to the beach with my parents and we had a great time. While I was there, I did my most favorite thing in the world…I sat on the edge of the beach and the water and dug my feet deep in the sand and salty water. The warm sun felt great on my skin. And seeing my girls play, laugh and make themselves ridiculously filthy in the sand are just a few beautiful images that wave through my mind on this day.
But then I’m reminded under those images are the images of life. Real life.
For some reason for the past few years I’ve felt like I’ve been waiting for life to start. Like I think I had this skewed image that if we could just get through this obstacle or climb this mountain or do this…then life would really begin. I had an image in my mind of what life would look like much like the sweet images of my girls prancing on the sand with not a care in this world.
The truth is, life is now. Life is today, even when I don’t feel good. Life is tomorrow, even if I don’t feel better.
But one thing I have full come to believe is: life now…is where God meets us the most.
In our discouragement…He encourages.
In our fear…He comforts.
In our surrender…He brings victory.
In our unbelief…He brings our root to faith.
In our lack of joy…He comes to us.
In our silence…He will speak.
Although my heart holds many dreams for my family, my girls, my husband and even myself… I have to know that dreams are not life. They are dreams. Dreams that God holds just a closely as I do. Dreams that He instills in me. While I love to dream of what life might be…dreams are not where life happens.
Life is now.
And so I embrace the life I have. While I don’t love the circumstances right now, I love this life…because it’s where God meets me the most.
4 Comments
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Very timely for me, Nicki! I’m currently living in a Muslim majority country where my husband is director at a Christian hospital. Nothing is very satisfying about my life right now. I find myself complaining to God daily, begging to go home. I don’t enjoy home school. I don’t like the weather. I’m having a terrible time learning the language. I, too, feel like I’m waiting for my life to start. When I get back home. Yet, I know in my heart, that this is where I should be right now. This is where life is. I thank God for the opportunity to be used by Him in some small way. Even though I complain, He always meets me when I look for Him, and He comforts me as best as I’ll let Him. Thanks for pointing out that I need to live in today and quit waiting for tomorrow.
Wow Wendy, what an experience. I understand how you feel…I grew up in Germany and Japan and the language barrier is very tough. Living for today is hard when our circumstances are not the best…I get it. But today I was listening to Jennifer Rothschild on the radio and she said something that really struck me…she said, “Even when my circumstances are not well I can say it is well with my soul.” That’s what I want today…
Praying for you now and I believe that God has great things planned for your journey. He WILL use you!!!
Thanks for stopping by!!
right, nicki.. i was telling that to myself this morning as i was washing the dishes.. “this is God’s will for me at the moment..this is my now..to wash the dishes and feel the smoothness of the liquid soap on my hands and hear the sound of the water coming out of the faucet..this is where God wants me to be for now, even if I think it’s mundane and boring and routinary..this is where I’m supposed to be..”
i can complain but i chose not to..i just have to do what i need to do in these simple moments of my day and learn to appreciate hos God sustains me and those people around me..when we start seeing God in the littlest things, our perception about life changes.. it’s almost like a dance..you just groove to the beat and yeah, enjoy it..
Nikki! I love this post… I realize I’m a little late reading it, but it’s wonderful. I spent SO MANY YEARS waiting for life to start — and I finally got it. Life is NOW!
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