It was quite a day.

Roughly 8.5 years ago Kris and I were standing in the doctors office patiently waiting on the ultra-sound tech to arrive. Our hearts fluttered with excitement as we were about to find out the gender of our baby #2. We had just bought our first house a few months earlier and I was anxious to start decorating [of course] the baby’s room. And Kris needed to know if there was an Eagle Scout Jr. in his future.

After a few moments of waiting, one of the office workers came back and said, “I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Koziarz, but it looks like there has been a mistake with your insurance and at this time we are not going to be able to perform an ultra-sound unless you pay the $250 fee.”

My stomach sank when those words hit my ears because I knew there was no way we’d be able to come up with that type of money. Besides purchasing our first house, our first-born [Taylor] had been very sick and medical bills had piled up tremendously. Being only 21 and 22, we lived pay check to pay check barely being able to make ends meet. But somehow [the grace of God], we always pulled through.

There was just never any extra…especially not $250.

So, I decorated neutrally and kept all of Taylor’s clothes -just in case.

Two months before the baby was due to be born, Taylor ended up needing to have a major surgery on her kidneys.

The day of surgery was quite a day and Taylor was a feisty little thing at the age of two years old. Through every poke she told the nurses, “Stop agitating her!” [Referring to herself, but seriously, what two year old says agitating? She is destined for politics.]

Taylor’s very non-festive spirit about the hospital stay had worn this very pregnant momma out. Her sweet nurse looked me in the eyes and said, “Honey, either you need to go home and get some rest or we will be sending you to labor and delivery soon.”

So we made the painful decision that Kris would stay the night with Taylor and I would head home. As I pressed the down arrow on the elevator button, I could hear her screams from the pediatric unit. Tears [that I had held so bravely back] began to fall [pour] out of my eyes.

Money had never been so tight, our newly first home was already on the brinks of foreclosure, our marriage had never been so strained, and I battled a painful pregnancy depression. A word to sum up every emotion in those moments would have been: hopeless.

Exhausted, I climbed into our car to drive home that night while I was extremely upset.

I flipped on the radio in an attempt to clear my mind. There was some type of late-night talk show…and I was in no mood for listening to someone else’s problems so I began to switch the station. But something told me not to change it.

A woman was speaking [passionately] about a sick baby. This baby had led grown men to weep on their knees before God and inspired children to hold lemonade-stand sales on neighborhood sidewalks to raise money for her care. Tragically the baby died and the entire community’s faith was shaken. But this baby had a gift that kept on giving –even through her death.

The gift was her name. A name that brings healing, peace and joy in the midst of the most tragic circumstances. It was the name….

Hope.

Now this is where people give me a crooked look when I tell them this part…so hang with me.

As soon as this woman’s words from the radio fell into my heart, I heard the voice of God in a way I never had before [and have only heard this way one or two times since]. God said that this baby inside of me was a girl, and her name was to be: Hope. She would remind me of the hope that God brings to me.

Awe…sweet. Right? No, the story gets better.

The very next morning I was on my way back to the hospital and this ‘lil old southern woman who was cleaning the floors looked at me as I walked by and said, “Mmmm…girl, you havin a boy.”

I paused and said, “No, its a girl, and her name is Hope…God told me.”

She looked at me like I was crazy and repeated, “No, you havin a boy. I seen stomachs like that a million times. It is a boy.”

I politely smiled and continued on my way.

It turned out she wouldn’t be the only one who would tell me it was going to be a boy. In fact, every individual I would encounter from that point until the time it came to push would say the same thing…boy.

But my labor and delivery nurse was really the one who threw me for a loop. As she was hooking me up to all the baby delivering mayhem she pulled out my chart and said, “Well, I see we are having a boy…you have a name picked out?”

I was in NO mood to try and explain to this LD nurse my DIVINE encounter with God. So I grabbed the chart and said, “WHAT? I am having a GIRL. NOW GET ME AN EPIDURAL.”

But sure enough, the doctor had written boy on top of my chart.

At this point my very patient husband looked at me and suggested that perhaps we need to think about boy names. I mean, he wanted to believe my story but…the odds weren’t looking to good.

I was mad.

I think that’s why the labor progressed so quickly.

And the scene in our room had become quite a spectacle. The crazy lady who heard from God saying she was having a girl room.

So, I very angrily began to push out this baby that secretly the entire time I was praying, “Dear Jesus, please don’t let me be a crazy woman, please, please, please let this baby be a girl.”

3, 2, 1 push!!!

Out that baby came and everyone held their breath tight as the doctor’s face lit up and said:

“IT’S A GIRL!”

I was not crazy! She was a she! And she was beautiful!

Her name was…Hope and there was not a dry eye in that room.

That tender voice of God rushed over me in those quite first moments that I held her little chubby hand.

Nicki, this is a gift, a gift of hope. Without hope you have nothing to look forward to, but with hope everything can turn around. Never forget that I will always speak to you in your moments of hopelessness and I will bring you…hope.

ps- you are not crazy.

Today, that baby girl turns…8. And there’s not a dry eye writing this post.

Maybe you are a friend who is in need of the fresh spirit of hope today…may I pass this gift along to you? Just when you think its all over and there is no future in sight remember the words that God has spoken to you today:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [Jeremiah 29:11]

[If you hung through this entire post, thanks, it was a long one…I know. The winner of Free and Fun Friday is…drum roll please…..SAMANTHA!]