Sometimes you just need to say your sorry and start over.
This morning I’ve spent a few minutes looking back over the past year, 2010. There have been so many triumphs -yet so many let-downs. The thing about this blog…I can’t always say everything I want to say. And I think there is a time and place to say things, and nine out of ten times the blog is not the place.
The truth is 2010 has brought a lot of rejection to my life. And I’m not just talking about the publishing process…in other areas there has been a lot of rejection too. And rejection does something to you. It makes you feel weak, unloved, overlooked…invisible.
In fact if I were to be honest, 2010 isn’t a year I’d like to repeat.
But there was a lot of good in the midst of it all. A lot. Three beautiful little girls who keep on thriving regardless of life’s struggles. A business that has found favor in the eyes of God. Ministry growth and personal growth. New friendships have blossomed while old ones have seemed to pass on into another season. Sickness has come and sickness has gone.
Yes, there was a lot of good in 2010.
But I feel as though I need to apologize to 2010. I didn’t give it my best. The truth is, life overwhelmed me in 2010.
Among other things -my writing has greatly suffered because of it. I’ve tucked my dreams and plans away just to cope with life. And this morning I’m not convinced this is ever the route God intends for us to ride through.
But I am thankful for fresh starts. For new roads. For new…years.
I’ve been sweeping through my house the past few days. Tossing junk, organizing and cleaning out areas that are so often neglected. Its reminded me that as I approach a new year I not only need to get my house in order but…my heart in order.
2010 has held many moments of weakness but I’m pulling through those today. I’m crying out to God louder than ever that I’m available, I’m here, I’m ready…mold me.
I’ve accepted my mistakes and I’m moving on.
I’m believing that 2011 will bring things I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around. I’m trusting that this darkness is fleeing and my heart will be filled with a renewed passion for who God is.
My prayer for 2011 is this: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.’ -Psalm 51:10
Yes, I need a renewed spirit within me that can only come from the sweet hand of God.
And this means good things for this blog too. I have new plans for 2011 and want to write more. And I’m sorry that the rejection I have felt in my heart has caused me to keep my soul all bundled up…I suppose its been a long season of winter for my heart.
Taking the time to look at the past is good. Its good to see where God has brought us to keep us looking towards what God is doing.
So Happy New Year friends….Happy 2011. I believe…the best is yet to come.
Much love,
Nicki
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You are precious to share this. Thank you for your humble heart. I’ll be praying for your 2011 that it’s a place of peace and graciousness towards you. Take care.
Thank you for sharing and being so real….2010 brought many of those same things my way, but God has been faithful andI can see His hand in all of it.
May 2011 bring you much from the Lord! Happy New Year!
Hey Nikki,
Thanks so much for sharing your heart….I totally understand the rejection and hurts that life bring, maybe that’s why I woke up this morning singing “It’s a new day, it’s a new year, it’s a new decade!!” I love your prayer for 2011 and decided to steal it as my first memory verse of this year. (Scripture memorization is one of my steps in intentional living for this next year!) Looking forward to walking through this next year with you my blogger friend!
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