Honestly, today I just don’t feel like doing this.
But, I’ve realized in my life in every area I’m going to have to keep doing things even when I don’t want to. Even when it hurts. Even when I feel…like there is not one ounce of valuable in my soul. I have to keep on…
Please tell me I am not the only person who has ever felt that way.
Day 9
“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in.” -Luke 11:10 [MSG]
Question 1 -What does this verse say?
I used the MSG version of this verse because I’m not sure it could be any clearer than this. Don’t play games –that’s what this verse says.
Why DO we play games with God?
Question 2 –What does this verse mean?
Because I used the message version…there isn’t a lot to think about. It’s really clear. This isn’t a game. None of this is a joke to God. There’s nothing that is to big for Him and nothing that is to small. He’s not trying to figure me out…He’s already made that clear. He KNOWS me. But I have to ask. I have to tell Him. Everything….
Even today…the deep places where I don’t want anyone to go.
Question 3 –What does this verse mean to me?
I’ve always been so insecure about coming to God and asking Him for things that go beyond the basics: healing, financial provision, comfort, peace…you know that “stuff”.
But today I’m dealing with these deep corners of my soul again. Where there are desires, dreams and hopes that I have never breathed a word to anyone about.
Maybe I’m having a hard time deciding what I need. But I know I need something….so much is just not working in my life right now. See…this is where I want to hit that “x” and say my goodbye’s to this blog. This was a bad idea…this 30-day thing. I would much rather show you cute pictures of my kids playing in the snow right now….ugh.
[long pause]
I feel like I’m in this endless cycle with so many of the mountains I am facing. Will I ever overcome? Will I ever get through this? Will this ever change? Will I ever become who God sees me as?
Wow. I don’t know where to take the rest of this post. But I know that I’m feeling so deeply convicted that I think that God doesn’t see all these corners of my soul. I feel like He is shouting to me through this verse: Quit with these games!
I don’t know what else to do but to pray. But I don’t even want to to do that.
Why is it so hard to talk to God about these things?
6 Comments
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I get discouraged like that…where I stop trying at everything or sometimes at a few things. My wise brother tells me I need a change of scenery…not for a week but just for an hour. He tells me go take a walk in the park or go to a restaurant for a cup of coffee. It seems like a worldly answer but Jesus took off to the mountains or to a lonely place or He just talked to His closest friends for a while…His disciples. Sometimes talking to a friend, the right one, can give us a little cheer-me-up that we need. I’m praying for you. I’ve been there and am there in a number of areas. If you could only see what I’ve quit right now. I’m going to do what you said and talk to God about it. I don’t feel He’ll answer but that’s what I’m going to do. Thank you for your devotion and for sticking with it. There is no condemnation for us.
Donna, I appreciated you sharing your struggles with this too. And I love your ideas, thanks for sharing!
Nicki, thank you for this post. This is an amazing post. You are an amazing woman. Do not get discouraged. God knows you in all the corners of our life. He just wants you to express those corners with Him. Those dreams that you have, that just don’t seem to be happening – give them to God. The things you want to overcome – give them to God. He is all powerful. He will allow you to overcome whatever you need to overcome. I am a true statement to that in more than one area of my life. If you can express these deep questions with God, you will be who He sees you as. He isn’t disappointed in you, He isn’t upset with you. He loves you! God just wants you to understand that this is an open relationship, you can talk to Him about everything, not just the good things and the things you are ‘suppose’ to talk to Him about.
Love you!!
Keirstin, Thanks for your words of encouragement. You are a wise woman and I am blessed to know you. 🙂
You are not alone, my friend. I have felt this feeling countless times before – in fact this past weekend I went through it. Not in regards to blogging, or sticking with a challenge – but about reading a book that I should have finished MONTHS ago. There’s only 4 chapters left in it!! And I love this book! so what’s the big deal?!
I’d rather watch a movie or TV… my excuse is: “Well, I’m borrowing it from _________, and I want to return it ASAP.” and so I continue sitting on my hiney watching TV instead of reading the book I should be finishing up. *sigh*
One day… hopefully by this weekend… I’ll have the book finished. 🙂
Great post. Thank you for sharing.
~ heather joy
Heather, thanks for sharing your struggle too. I have so been there with the book thing. 🙂 Why is that? Finishing what we started is sometimes harder than we expected but the reward is great when we get to that point where we can say, “I did it! I finished!” 🙂
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