Faith.

Last night I was uber excited that Lisa Ling’s new show on OWN was beginning. It is called, Our America.

I wanted to share a few thoughts because I was deeply moved with emotions while watching the episode.

The show was focused on Faith Healers, specifically on a guy named Todd Bentley -who I had actually never heard of. He claims to have healing powers and desperate people come from all over to be in one of his services.

Lisa Ling followed a guy named Steve throughout the conference he was attending. Steve sat in a wheelchair in the back of the room each day expressing his belief that he would be healed the last ten minutes of the service.

Lisa -a skeptic- was deeply moved by Steve’s outrageous claims of hope. So much so that at one point she said she even began to pray that he would be healed too.

The entire time I was watching all I kept thinking was, “Lord, please do not let this show make a fool of your name, there are so many unbelievers watching…please do this.”

And so the last ten minutes came.

People prayed hard over Steve. Todd Bentley put his hands on him. And I sat on the edge of my seat begging God to heal this man.

But…he wasn’t healed.

His legs remained paralyzed and his emotions were strong.

I was so sad. And I just kept thinking, “Lord, all these people could have seen who you are in this moment, why didn’t you do this?”

I could hardly sleep last night.

God was stirring up something inside of me that I believe is such a deep truth for experiences like this.

Over the past few years as I’ve met speakers and writers I sometimes hear something come from them that has never settled right with me. Often as their platform builds or God opens a new door they will say, “I just want to make God’s name famous.”

While I understand the heart behind those words, I think that is exactly what I was hoping for last night on that show.

“God, this is your chance, make yourself famous to the OWN audience!”

But what God quietly spoke into my soul last night was this,

“I don’t need anyone to make my name famous. I am who I am.”

And those last words, I am who I am, just kept running through my heart. Then I realized how twisted my thinking was to ever think like that.

A verse kept coming to my mind this morning:

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1

The most touching part of the show was the ending. After Steve did not receive his healing, this is what he did…

He laid his hand on Lisa Ling’s head and try to pass on to her the hope that he held in his heart.

The hope that one day God will heal him.

It really showed me that verse in Hebrews come to be.

Steve was still sure of his hope in God and he was still certain that while God had not healed him, God is still God.

“I am, who I am.”

Isn’t that really the greatest test of faith? When God doesn’t make himself famous through us.

Will we still believe?

Will we still trust?

Will we still hope?

Disappointments are a guarantee in life, especially spiritually. And as a woman who is always trying to understand the heart of God more and more, I will be honest enough to say there have been times where I have been so disappointed in God.

But I think this show brought to full circle in my own life that God doesn’t need to prove himself to anyone…including me.

He’s already done that.

His name already is great.

He doesn’t need…me.

I play the supporting role in the Jesus journey. It’s his story. He is writing it.

Not me.

So I’m thankful that I see how much God doesn’t need us to make his name famous. He’s got it. He’s in control.

He is who he is. That is truly where our belief begins and ends.

Would love to hear your thoughts today on this topic, have you ever been disappointed in God? What did it do to your faith? Let’s talk this out in the comment section today.