The final hours.

I think its ok to write this post…I hope so anyway. And, I’m really to the point where I just don’t care if someone thinks its not ok to write this out. [smile]

Since Friday at 6pm my husband and I have been on a five-day juice fast with some of the people at our church.

Over the past few years of my life I have fasted for a day here and there but never for five days.

I also checked out of facebook and twitter for the past five days because I really wanted to make sure I was keeping my heart in check at all times.

Not totally sure when I’ll make my way back onto those sites…haven’t heard clearly from the God about it.

[And this is where people will say, “Aren’t you not supposed to tell people you are fasting?”]

[And this is where I say, “Today the fast ends and today God’s given me something to share about this…today.”]

By far, this is the hardest thing we have ever done together.

But as we make our way into the final hours of this fast, my soul is overflowing with emotions.

I wish I could tell you I made my way through these past few days with not an ounce of grumbling or complaining. But I would be a lying fool if I said such things.

My heart has longed to understand why God wants this type of obedience from his people at times. I felt very confused the first two days. Didn’t feel an ounce closer to God, in fact felt worse than ever about my own personal weakness.

Kris seemed so much stronger than me and I am very thankful that the two of this did this together because, I needed him to tell me to stop it and press on.

I’ve been amazed at how much my life has slowed down over the past five days. I never realized how much I do that revolves around food!

Coffee with friends, breakfast with friends, lunch with friends, dinner with friends, planning dinner, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner, looking for recipes and ideas…it goes on and on.

All of that has stopped over the last five days and I have found myself with an abundance of time. But, I miss my routine. I’m a routine loving kinda girl. And a coffee loving type girl…miss the coffee terribly and the company coffee brings even more terribly. [smile]

He’s spoken many truths into my heart about marriage, parenting, ministry and relationships. Pages are filled in my journal of prayers and different things God has been teaching me about.

But, I think today I feel a little like the blind beggar in the book of Luke 18:35-42:

Those ahead of Jesus told the man to shut up, but he only yelled all the louder, “Son of David! Mercy, have mercy on me!”

40 Jesus stopped and ordered him to be brought over. When he had come near, Jesus asked,

41 “What do you want from me?”
He said, “Master, I want to see again.”

42Jesus said, “Go ahead—see again! Your faith has saved and healed you!”

See again.

I think that is what these five days have brought me. Sight.

Being knee-deep in life everyday, it is so easy for me to lose sight of what God is after.

The Right Motives.

The Right Heart.

The Right Perspective.

I feel like over the past few days  my soul has been shouting [like the beggar] to God: “Have mercy on me God, let me see things the way you do!”

And today, day five, I am only shouting it louder.

Through every ache in my body and grumbling of my stomach I am still shouting to God, “Have mercy on me God, let me see things the way you do!”

Because when we don’t see things the way God does…oh what a mess everything is. Faith becomes weak, tired, worn-out…yes…those were all the words that described me at the beginning of this fast.

But I didn’t see it that way. Nope.

When you are fasting your senses are opened up in stronger ways. The sun hurts my eyes, smells are very strong, and every pin that drops…I hear it.

It has been the same in my soul. Its been painful. I feel like every corner of my soul has been turned inside out. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in ways I’ve never experienced.

Yes, this has been a hard couple of days.

But I feel like today, my heavenly Father looks down on this once broken down Jesus girl and says, “Go…you can see now. Your faith through this time has healed you. You can see.”

Today I think that what this blind beggar teaches us goes beyond physical sight. Eyes to see are one thing but eyes that have vision are another.

Do you see the vision God has for your life?

Do you see the truth he is speaking to you?

Do you see the God who loves you so much?

As the clock ticks to end this five day fast, I almost want to soak up every second of it left. May I never forget the sight God has given me today…

Lord, don’t let me cloud it up with junk again.