Maybe I do need Him more than you.

I have a friend who does not share my belief’s in who God is.

This person feels like God is non-existent. They feel that perhaps we will return to earth when we die as a bug, tree, or maybe even another person.

We’ve had some hard conversations. We’ve had some intense conversations. We’ve also had some challenging conversations.

But, 95% of the time, we agree to disagree and the conversation takes a more neutral route. We joke with each other, we laugh, we tease and each time we leave our conversation –we are on a happy note.

Can I be honest for a moment?

There was perhaps a time in my life when I would avoid a person who felt so strongly opposed to my faith.

True.

I don’t like the intense fellowship. I don’t like the conflict. I don’t like the disagreements.

And, I like me some Jesus.

My friend feels very strongly that this concept of us dying and going to heaven based on what Jesus did on the cross just doesn’t make sense. According to my friend, being a follower of Christ is a good life-style but its an absurd notion to believe that will be what ultimately brings us to a “heavenly place”.

I agree. It is absurd.

It is crazy. It is wild-thinking. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Jesus is a scandalous message.

And thankfully, because of Jesus, I don’t feel like my faith is so fragile anymore. So now, I welcome the discussion with friends as to whether or not this Jesus-thing is the real deal.

In fact, I need these conversations in my life.

Because they make me see just how much I need Jesus.

Some days I believe I need Him more than anyone on this earth. Some days I’m convinced there is not a more messed up person who ever existed. Some days I see so many flaws and mistakes that it leads my heart to a place of doom…without…Jesus.

So I understand, faith in who Jesus is often feels like a paradox.

How could it be true?

Why would it be true?

I used to believe that Jesus was just our get-out-of-hell insurance policy. I used to believe that Jesus was just a felt-board character that Mrs. Nelly in the little baptist church in Coolidge, AZ told us stories about. I used to believe that Jesus was just something I had to believe in…because its what I was told was right.

But now, at the ripe age of 30.5, I am seeing why I need Jesus so bad.

I’m seeing that Jesus is my only source and my only option.

I’m seeing Jesus as the only constant in my life. Everything changes…but Him.

I’m seeing Jesus as a man who offers me one agenda, love.

The truth is,  I see my greater need for Jesus each day because of the daily revelation I see of who I am –without Him. [It isn’t pretty]

So maybe I do need Jesus more than you.

Maybe you need Jesus more than me. But the one place where I rest my soul today is in knowing that He is more than enough…for all of us.

Our questions, doubts and fears don’t offend Him.

Our struggles, guilt and sin don’t threaten Him.

He’s never looked at a person on this earth and said, “Yea…you are going to be to much work for me, I think I’ll pass.”

He chooses you. He chooses me. Hand-picks us. Spent some amazing time dreaming us up.

The truth is, I am a very unlikely Jesus girl. I see that. But I also see who I want to be. And she is simply impossible to become without being connected to a God whose highest standard is, grace.

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Congratulations Lisa Phelps from A Moment With God, you are the winner of the Elevation Worship CD! Please email me at: nicki@nickikoziarz.com with your address so I can ship it out.