A season ends.

Today was a last for me…

Muffins with Mom.

I held my sweet girl’s little hand as she walked proudly beside me, leading me to her carefully planned and prepared mommy preschool celebration.

Her long blonde hair sparkled as the sun fell on her sweet face. I squeezed her hand just a bit longer than usual as we entered the doors.

Somehow it was hard to believe. Ten years of an era is coming to an end. In a few short weeks I will no longer be a momma to a preschooler.

This is hard to believe only being 30. Having babies young has benefits…this isn’t one. It took me so long to get to a place of embracing who I was and the life I held.

But today made my heart slow down. To be present…in that moment.

For the last time I sat down in a chair three sizes to small. I looked at beautiful artwork from tiny hands. There was a pink painted box with glitter jewels glued just around the top of  it.

Then,

“Mommy! Can you find the picture I drew of you?”

“Let me see…Found it!”

Laughter filled my heart and the smile on my face was irreplaceable the rest of the day. Life through the eyes of a five-year-old…truly impressionable.

We sat together eating our blueberry muffins and reminisced about the steps taken to create her thoughtful picture.

“See Mommy, I put the necklace…the eyes…and your hair. Sept [except] maybe I shouldn’t have given you blue teeth.”

[giggles]

“I love my blue teeth Kennedy…they’re perfect.”

For a few moments I sat just looking around the room. Other mom’s had babies, they seemed flustered…picking up paci’s and crumbs off the floor.

And I thought to myself…someday, they will sit in this chair that is to small, for the last time.

They will close out a season of motherhood just as I am doing now.

And it may pain them…it may not.

But as tears stream down my face in this quiet dark office tonight, I am thankful yet raw.

I am thankful for ten years of diapers, pacis, baby dolls, woobies, thumbs, messes, crumbs, pony tails, bows, dresses, shoes and princess pink painted walls.

I am grateful for an endless supply of hugs and kisses.

I hold in my heart tight these moments that I want to never end.

Tonight I whisper a thank-you to God’s great big heart. Why He would ever entrust me with these babies…I do not know. But I am so…grateful.

Looking ahead -I know there’s still so much to come.

But ten years are gone, just like that.

Yet tonight I try to embrace the future.

I embrace the moments to speak life, potential and truth into them rather than frustration and disappointment.

I embrace hugs, though they may be harder to get.

I embrace trials and teachable moments despite my shouts for peace.

I embrace phone calls, sleepovers, impromptu dance parties and all things…girly.

Yes, as this preschool season of motherhood comes to an end I embrace my growing baby girls.

Taylor, Hope and Kennedy…being your momma is the greatest gig ever. I love you all so much and can’t wait to see what the next ten  years of life with you brings.