Do you remember what it was like to be in love for the first time?
I sure do.
I was giddy. Stomach constantly in butterflies. Doodling all over notebooks with his initials and just being…silly.
True, I had a very skewed perception of what “true love” was but, I was twelve. At the mere mention of his name, a soothing smile would appear on my face. I passed him in the hallway daily and the ONE time he actually said hello to me almost caused me to faint.
The memory of first love is sweet.
But, have you ever thought about someone and it not been so sweet? Maybe the memory of them leaves a bitter, sour taste in your mouth and…heart.
I’ve been there too.
While hate is a strong word…there have been people in this life that I have strongly disliked.
People will hurt us and they will hurt the people we love.
Promises will be broken. Lies will be told. Gossip will be spread. Jealousy will fester. Boundaries will be crossed. And judgments will be made.
I get that.
I’ve lived through some [if not most] of those things.
What do we do with those valid thoughts we have about people who have hurt us? I wonder what it really looks like to lay all of those emotions, circumstances, failures and feelings down before God?
The church woman inside of me is shouting out in her bossy southern accent, “You just gotta forgive ’em huney. 70×7, its what the Bible says.”
Then, the rebel woman inside of me whispers, “Pay back. Eye for an eye.”
Thankfully her voice drowns out quickly…[smile]
I think a lot of the time the way we view others is so…permanent. Whoever came up with the whole: first-impressions-last-a-life-time really should retire.
There have been times where I will run into someone from my “past” and I want to say, “But I’m not who I was when you knew me!”
Yet…I feel as though it would fall on deaf ears.
Today, I am desperate for a different perspective on this.
Must everything be so permanent?
It doesn’t have to be and…it shouldn’t.
After all, as I think about all the times God has given me a second, third, fourth, fifth [and on] chance, I’m reminded that I’m striving for a heart like His.
He never quits me.
I also know I am human. My heart will wander. My mind will think things it shouldn’t. And my perspective will get skewed.
I can still bring my memories that hurt to God.
But, what if instead of writing everyone’s faults in stone [permanent] we tried writing them in the sand -where God’s touch could so easily erase it all?
Its not the lack of acknowledgment He’s wants for us. Living in denial has never turned out well for anyone.
Acknowledge. Temporarily.
Even after the crushing realization that my first love didn’t love me back, thankfully I still allowed myself to love again. The miracles of life are not about what we have lost, its about what we have left.
So if you forgive him, I forgive him. Don’t think I’m carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I’m joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us. -2 Corinthians 2:10 [MSG]
18 Comments
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Nicki,I love that he “He never quits me.” I am SO thankful tha everything is not permenant! I am thankfu I am not the same person I was, and I am thankful that I will continue to grow and in ten years I will not be the same person I am today. And in that same sense, I have to remember that since I am SO thankful for God’s grace, I definitely need to pass that grace onto others, all the time.
Amen. 🙂
Hello,
I have visited your blog and enjoyed it very much. It has a great inspiration.
Would you like to visit my weblog which I created about 8 months ago?
My wife and I are Iranian and live in the UK. We love Jesus and our weblog is mostly about our Lord. Since we are Iranian we have added some Persian topics to the weblog, but you can read and watch English ones.
Our weblog is http://creation-to-eternity.blogspot.com
God Bless,
Shapour.
Nice to “meet” you Shapour!
Great post Nicki… I have been struggling with unforgiveness over the past few months and it is EXHAUSTING! I am trying to lay it down however I keep picking it up again feeling justified because this person hurt me so much….I just need to leave it with Jesus and He will take care of it! HE NEVER QUITS ME….Love this….
Blessings!
Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing this. I agree…it is exhausting. I love that you embrace the fact that He never quits on us!!! Keep that thought wrapped around this and victory will come!!
Hi Nicki,
In my humble opinion, every time we choose to apply forgiveness towards a person who has hurt us, we step closer to becoming completely healed from the hurt and pain of that offense. Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean we always forget or don’t, from time to time, even feel pain as a result. I’m in the process of learning this lesson–and it has been excruciating to say the least! Love the sand analogy!
Completely agree Dori! Thanks for sharing this.
For a long time I believed my past was written in wet cement…and not only was it permanent but it was a larger-than-life monument, available for all to see. But what if all this time it was written in wet sand?
When I forgive those who have wronged me in my past God is able to change me. When I surrender those moments/memories to Him, He is able to change those other people. His waves of grace wash over both of us and create something new on the shore of our lives.
Thank you for your posts!
Amen, love what God is doing in your heart right now. Thanks for sharing!!
Clicked over from the She Speaks Blog. Thanks for all the work you are doing to help make the conference special!
I enjoyed this post. It took me back to the days of my first love.
Forgiveness has been on my brain for a few months. I’m not trying to forgive someone…more just trying to understand it more. Thanks for the post.
I really like your voice.
Hi Amy, thanks for coming from the blog! It is really a pleasure to be apart of P31 and the She Speaks conference. Loved it!!
So good, Nikki.
Thanks for sharing.
‘Write them in the sand’….I needed that.
Have a lovely day,
Kate 🙂
Grateful to God it spoke to you Katie!
Thank you for talking real about forgiveness and the struggles of our pasts. It’s hard. It’s not always fun. And we can’t slap a fresh coat of paint on the barn to make it all better. It’s just not that easy. But there is hope. Sweet, pure, relentless hope that brings us through it to make us better than we were before. Thank you for being a voice of hope. You shine Jesus beautifully.
Love you!!!
Karen
Well you know that I adore you. 🙂 Thank you for being a strong voice in this culture to help people move forward with this life. Love you too!!
Very well written Nicki! Today I am a different person as well. I think I’m responding from the other end. I apologized and hoped for forgiveness.
A few years back, I went to everyone I could still get in touch with and apologized for specific things (the Lord encouraged me to think about my choice in words prior and to just say what was in my heart…no buts to chop down the words of I’m sorry for or because of).
I KNOW what it’s like to be on the receiving end of being hurt and sometimes that apology means something and sometimes it doesn’t. Depends on how deep the wound is and do you believe the new words you are hearing. Needless to say I still apologized. Can’t say for sure if I was ever forgiven because no one responded to me the way one might after an I’m sorry for… In my heart I gave a sincere apology with no strings attached. The Lord knows my heart and I just have to be content with my end of the deal. Several of these people and I are currently friends and our friendship appears deeper and stronger but no one is willing to talk about those moments. (???) Perhaps they don’t care or want to forget or it no longer matters. I had to do my part and say I was sorry.
My point is that I had to apologize because it and I was keeping me from having a deeper relationship with the Lord. Example…I’m a 40+ yr old woman. I have friends from 30+ years ago. A couple of those friends and I played a part in making bad choices or at some point I did or said something that today I would find completely unacceptable or just completely mean spirited. So I apologized. I was specific. Deeply sorry. I said I was sorry without attaching strings. I’m amazed that a few of them never said anything….not I don’t forgive you or what are you talking about or I forgive you or I’m so glad you did this or even bug off…etc. I got nothing. Perhaps I shocked them and they didn’t know what to say???
So yes it is important to surrender it all to Him and just let Him have control of it all. Do what you need to do and let it go. I know being on the receiving end of hurt, it can be a real gut blow or even tear away at our inner being and sometimes it tears at us slowly over time. It’s very important to give that to the Lord. Only He can be everything we need in another human being. It is very important to be as honest as possible with the other person though. You need to be able to say your words hurt me and I’m not sure what to do with all these feelings but I forgive you even if you can’t say it directly to them. Otherwise you can be stuck for a lifetime. I have a lifetime to live and I’m not going to waste a moment of it.
Heidi, I really admire the fact that you went back and apologized to people…that takes a lot of strength to do that. In my humble opinion and for what its worth [not much :)] I think what you did is so counter our culture that perhaps it did shock some of the people that you spoke this to. But, I want you to know…that’s a good thing. Maybe it made them think of things they needed to apologize for and maybe it made them feel a little raw. Your obedience to God is what matters. He will bless this greatly and you have inspired me today. I love what God is doing in you and now through you.
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