Have you ever felt like you were about to lose it?
That’s exactly where I found myself the past few weeks.
I’ve thought about calling my doctor and asking to go on some type of medication because I haven’t been able to function like I used to.
I started pulling away from the things I love because I just didn’t have the energy for it.
I got to a place where I didn’t want to deal with anything or anyone. Everything just seemed like it was to much.
After a series of circumstances, my heart was wounded. Then, my mind began developing this distortion of God.
A picture of God withholding His love from me was created deep in my soul.
So, I did what all people-pleasers do…I began to “do” more for God. Leading this, doing that, going here, being there for that person, giving more, and trying, trying, trying.
My to-do list “for God” became enormous.
But in the darkest corner of my soul, something ugly was beginning to sprout up. All it would take was a few weeds of rejection to completely ruin me.
I lost it.
Through seeking council, wisdom, and discernment I’ve had to make some hard decisions in my life. Things have to change or God can never really be my God and I will stay on this never-ending cycle of approval.
I need time to grow in God. Its a season of transformation. Its painful. I’m not through it yet.
Its not always easy to share bits of my life like this on this blog but I want to be authentic.
I’m sure God appreciated my efforts for Him, but that’s not what He was after.
He’s after me. Not Nicki the wife, the mom, the speaker, the writer, or the ministry leader. Just…Nicki.
But my life has been so cluttered, I couldn’t even see what God was trying to do.
While this process has been happening, there was a book sitting on my shelf. Its Glynnis Whiter’s new book, I Used To Be So Organized.
At first, I didn’t want to read it because I thought the book was about home organization, which is important, but I needed to organize my soul.
But that’s exactly what this book is: Soul Organization.
I started reading Glynnis’s story and I was comforted by the idea that our challenges are not going to go away but we can still have a healthy soul.
Glynnis has a whole section in chapter 3 about how to move away from the need for approval. I read it twice.
She talks about ways to bring back simplicity and sanity into our minds and lives.
Glynnis challenged me to look at the things in my life I need to say “no” to and the things I need to say “yes” to.
There are also tons of practical suggestions.
I’m not one to say things like, “This book will change your life!” because…it won’t. Only God can do that.
But if you are a woman, like me, who is feeling less than adequate these days, this book is for you. If you have found yourself needing to do more to feel like more, this book will help you find freedom. And if you are craving peace and harmony, this book can help.
And, I have some exciting news.
Glynnis has offered to give away a copy of her book! All you have to do is leave a comment saying “enter me” and I will enter you to win.
The winner will be announced on Monday, October 17th.
Friends, life with God is hard. He never said this road would be easy.
While you and I could listen to that voice of condemnation about needing approval and living lives that are cluttered, let’s not today.
At times we will “lose it” and feel as though we are falling apart.
It’s ok.
While God is constant in His love and approval, its not always tangible, so it can be hard to experience.
Taking a season to renew ourselves with God’s Truth and Promises will be powerful.
Today I’m starting by reading aloud this verse, maybe it will help just one other person too.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is -his good, pleasing and perfect will.” -Romans 12:2
10 Comments
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Nicki, I admit that I wouldn’t have even thought about reading this book because of the word “organization”, but I think it is something I need to read. I’ve been feeling stretched too thin. I rush through one thing to get to the next thing and no thing gets my full attention. Please enter me in this drawing. Thanks, Nicki!
Amen Nicki. I wouldn’t have picked that book either. Granted I need some organization but I also need the umph to do it. Soul organization is a different matter. Interesting. Simplicity and sanity. Two things I can not get enough of, do not have enough of, and didn’t even realize were in reach with all the mom things I have going on everyday.
Nicki, it is so good to know that we are not alone, that others are feeling and going through the same things we are. I’ve been feeling like my life is so full; full of too many things. While they are all good and in their own ways can be glorifying to God, I filled my life with too many “to-do’s” and have been leaving far too little time to just be intimate and one on one with him. So, please enter me in the drawing. I definitely need to re-organize. Thanks!
Times of transformation always seem so painful [to me, anyway]. Because…I like routine and being able to plan + organize. But, does God like to keep us on our toes? Don’t let us sit too deep in our couches and stay there.
Would love to read this book~!
Oh, wow! These could be my words. Exactly!
I think that is one of the books I got while at She Speaks. I will have to check and get back to you!(I know, I’m bad. I got back from SS and hit the ground running, placing everything from the conference on hold… all those amazing books I want to read. Just waiting.)
Thank you for your vulnerablity and your honesty. I love coming here and seeing ‘you’.
I am still amazed at how God is using you to speak into my life. Finding your blog a couple of weeks ago was such a God-thing. I have spent my WHOLE life trying to organize my life, my home, my family, my circumstances and as Dr. Phil would say “How’s that working for you?” Now, I am out in the mission field and I cannot organize a thing. I am truly at the mercy of God to lead me. It’s been uncomfortable, I have thrown a few fits, but I see change. There are days when I think I cannot continue on, but there was always a tomorrow and it was like He knew how and when to give me a rest for a few days before there was more “training”. I would love it if you would ENTER ME to win the book. I know God would use it to help me begin to understand the changes that need to be made and how I can walk in them. Thank you again for your transparency, it ministers to my soul.
AMEN! DITTO!
ENTER ME!!! =-0)
Okay, I didn’t get that book. Could I please be entered?
I lost it this morning and when I got to my desk I needed a refresh…and God led me to your page “)
Even though it’s late to enter, I still wanted to say thank you for being so authentic. Sometimes others can make it seem like they live the “perfect Christian experience”, but I know I’m not alone through blogs and testimonies like yours. Thanks for the book advice.
Your post on your blog was soo good. It was just for me. I have been in the same place. I was just exhausted and tired doing things for people, who took undue advantage of me, thinking that God would want me do it. With good counsel I realized that God doesn’t call me to do certain things and that I need to ask God if I really need to do it. I’m not exhausted any more doing things for others sacrificing my time and energy and my family’s to do things for others. Am at peace now. I feel God check me once in a while, when my I tend to act in the flesh. But it has been awesome.
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