Blogging was difficult yesterday, I couldn’t find the words… and maybe sometimes silence is better.
And today, it feels like I’m forcing words so I’m not sure how this entry will turn out but I committed to work this process out for thirty days so here I go…
For two days, I got to a place where I felt as though my interruptions were happening… right here in my home, my community, in THIS life. But Sunday morning, I got at that place again… where I just so badly long to “go”.
I was scurrying around trying to get everyone ready for church. Once again, it felt very routined, “Well this is what we do on Sundays, go to church.”
I started to feel frustrated.
Why am I having such a hard time accepting the ordinary of life?
At lunch, one of my daughter’s starts crying because her sandwich is wrong.
I feel angry. I think of the poor, the homeless, the starving… and here I am sitting in a Sandwich Shoppe, frustrated with a child’s tears over cheese or no cheese.
I don’t know what to do with all these emotions.
This longing for something more won’t just go away…
I start to feel guilty again for really looking at this in my life. The tears start and they won’t stop. Life… is good, but I am still so desperate for God to interrupt.
I find myself on my knees before God, asking Him to show me what it is.
Opening my Bible I turn Luke 12:48,
“…For everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and for the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
Being interrupted is about more from us. More faithfulness. More obedience. More trust.
So today, on my knees, I found myself taking a deep look at the places I’m not being found faithful.
Friends, there is a lot.
And today I am a very broken woman, asking God to wash me clean again. I need His blood so bad. I need Him to make me whole again… even after all these years of perusing Him, I still need Him to wash me.
I feel led to leave this song with you. Maybe its just for one other person…
I’m off to be found faithful in… today.
4 Comments
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Hi Nicki,
I wanted to stop by & see if it would be OK if I shared a blog post I just wrote on how God “interrupted” my thoughts & and sent the answer to my “prayer” this weekend through a penny! It happened on Saturday & I wanted to write it sooner, but I just now got the chance to get it posted. I also linked back to your original post. Here’s the link,
http://tabrownwv.blogspot.com/2012/06/penny-for-your-thoughts.html
BTW, I love that song & Jesus Culture. 🙂
Loved it so much Tiffany! Thank you, thank you for sharing this with me today. So glad you liked the song too. 🙂
It is ok to feel mixed feelings… it is ok to plead with God to awaken your heart and spirit… it is Ok … perfectly ok to be real with Him, but in doing that…if something goes in a direction you are not liking… just remember you asked him for more obediance, trust and faithfulness within your heart.
All things are for a purpose even if we don’t see them for a LONG time.
Yes, I hear you Sharon. Thank you. You bless me with your wisdom. 🙂
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