What if I don’t have what it takes?
I see myself standing at the bottom of the giant mountain today. I feel small, unnoticed, not capable and unworthy.
My heart is filled with passion -yet here I sit… wondering,
Will I really be able to do this?
Something inside me whispers, “You can do it… but it will be up to you if you do.”
Obedience. Discipline. Trust. Movement.
These are the words prompting my soul each day.
But then, I fail. Disobeying. Staying busy doing things that don’t matter. Not trusting. Wrong movement.
What am I doing wrong?
I feel like I’ve always had a harder struggle than most people. Even as a little girl, things were always hard for me. In fact, I had to complete Kindergarten… twice. You can laugh, I have to. [smile]
It’s always been harder for me to accomplish things. Not a learning disability type struggle, but I feel like I have a deeper struggle with weakness than most people.
My tennis coach in high school noticed it too, “Chevalier [my maiden name], you are just gonna have to work harder than any of these other girls if you want to win a match!”
And so I spent hours and hours on the tennis courts, only to win one match that entire season.
Nothing has ever seemed to come easily for me.
Some people seem to just be good at life naturally. They make small efforts that go a long ways. Success seems to follow them wherever they go.
I have people like this in my life, they are great people too! And I realize, each of us has our own struggles.
But one of my greatest fears is because of my abundance of weakness; I will never accomplish my God-given dreams.
Always deeply struggling to keep up. Hours of writing. Hours of message prep. Hours of thinking. I spend more time preparing to do the things God has called me to do, than actually DOING the things.
And so… the tasks that often lay before me make me feel like I can never be successful at anything.
God, am I the only one who struggles with an abnormal-lifetime-sense of weakness?
I’m thinking according to Matthew 9:37, maybe I’m not.
There is a reason why God tells us the workers are few.
I believe He knew so many of us would struggle through weakness, defeat and failure. And perhaps there are only a few that will press through all the way.
I desperately want to be one of the few.
I don’t want a life filled with regrets. Not trying hard enough. Or quitting to soon.
And so, I know the only way to really fulfill this calling from God is to work hard in my own field. I need to plant seeds to cultivate the gifts He has given me.
In order to be the few, we need a faith that may look foolish to the world, but looks just right in God’s eyes.
This is my hope today:
That through Jesus, we will be able to build an unshakable faith.
In knowing how my flesh has a natural weakness prone to failure, I have to daily build my faith.
For me, this means listening to a sermon almost every day. I have worship music constantly flowing through my soul. It means blocking people on facebook, twitter and in real life who don’t fill me with good things.
I used to feel bad about this, but lately, I’ve seen that this isn’t about being buddy-buddy with everyone.
The call of God on our lives is serious. We have to do what we have to do to keep our faith growing. And if we struggle with an abnormal amount of weakness, we may have to over-protect our souls.
What we put in is what comes out.
My friend, maybe this isn’t your struggle, maybe it is. But today I hope each of us will take strides to push through our own struggles to become the few.
May we push through harder than ever today…
What do you think is a practical step we can take to push through weakness in life? I’d love for you to leave a comment and share with this community and me. I value your wisdom and input.
10 Comments
xxxdoc.monster tattooed cab driver licks busty babe.
As I am reading your blog, this verse keeps coming into my heart…Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him…Job 13:15. If it were not for our struggles, would we rely on HIM? Would we still seek Him if everything came easy? I am so thankful for my struggles, it is then that I have relied on Him and seeked Him with my whole heart, soul, and mind. We must press on! If a struggle is a way to get closer to my God, then, bring it Lord! I love the Lord for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Ps 116:1. Each person has their own unique path, their own unique struggles…all in order to become the masterpiece He would have us to be. The good news is…we can be weak, for when I am weak He is strong! It is through His power that I serve Him. Nicki, you are one of the few, you are a sower! You keep planting all those seeds and leave the rest to Him…but He knows the way you take; when He has tested you, you will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10) He is using your weakness to turn you into beautiful gold!
Yes, I totally agree Kim. Thank you for your words of love today. Praying you are blessed as much as you bless me.
Nikki,
Kim couldn’t have put it any better! As we face our challenges daily, we are truly being refined by the fire! And you are not alone. I see myself in your words. Always trying, attempting, failing, trying again. All my life, even now. I feel my intentions are great but my accomplishments few. And today I am faced with what looks like another insurmountable task, but I will press on, because I feel that this is what God has led me to. I pray for you. And I will pray that He will give you the state of mind that you need to accomplish your tasks today. Thank you, for all of the sowing you do, and the good word that you spread!!
Kim
Praying for you today Kim. I hope you feel the strength of God coming through!
“It’s a God thing!” As my mom always says. Reading this post…haha God has such wonderful timing :]
This was so encouraging. It reminded me that I’m not the only one. I am constantly decorating 3×5 cards with verses about strength through Him and taking them everywhere. One of my favorites Eph. 3:20 “With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine.”
You are such a blessing. I am so thankful that I’ve come across this blog ^_^
Well I am all for the God-things! 🙂 Love it.
And I love your 3×5 card idea, going to try that too! 🙂
I love the verse Matthew 9:27. It is a verse that inspires me to keep pressing on as a Sunday School teacher. I also struggle with my weaknesses wishing I had a do-over button so I could push it to erase some of my “past” weaknesses. Thank you for this post. I am so glad and Thank ful that God loves us through it all. Because of His great love it makes me want to obey Jesus even more so my life honors Him. Sweet Blessings 🙂
Yes, do over buttons would be nice. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your heart today Stephanie.
New International Version (©1984)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Nicki you are a breath of fresh air. I appreciate your candid openness. I can relate so well to your struggle of feeling weak. This is a battle I fight as well. Often I find if I can recognize it as just that, a “feeling”, It can help me to give the situation perspective. Feelings are not always an accurate reflection of the truth. Remembering what God says about me & what the enemies tactics are can strengthen me in my weakness. Our minds and emotions are such a battleground. But praise God He knows me, he created me & my emotions and in His tender mercy He continues to patiently teach me to cling to Him because in my weakness He is strong!!! And don’t you just love the fact that all the righteous people who God used in miraculous ways throughout the bible were flawed & weak in so many areas just as we are??
Comments are closed.