Well … it.is.finished.
Today I handed off the edits of my manuscript, 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit, to my publisher.
I breathed a sigh of relief, I clapped hands of joy and allowed my brain to think about something else other than writing a book.
Which is hysterical because now, I’m writing a blog post.
It’s a sickness.
But today I also sat in a room full of people and felt incredibly invisible. Incredibly alone. Incredibly lost. And I know nothing else to do than to type these words … perhaps it’s a session of blog therapy?
The way I felt while sitting in that room was a familiar feeling, much like after I had each of my daughters. You know … the place where you are trying to find the rhythm of life again after a season of something new, exciting but you just feel flat worn out?
Tears welled up in my eyes because I couldn’t think of the last time I had an actual conversation with someone about something not related to book writing or work. There has been so much internal processing that my introvert personality has been elevated to what is probably not a healthy level.
So, I lay here in my bed tonight typing these words with so many aches inside me.
I’m not sure I’ve worn book writing season well.
This blog is a place I feel safe, you are friends and you are with me and I’m with you. Many of you have been with me through the very beginning of this process. I’ve always been honest with you about the highs and lows.
And so I offer this confession of sorts … the things I’m finally getting brave enough to ask myself as this first-book-writing-season comes to a close.
Here are just a few thoughts I’m wrestling through …
Do friendships pick up again after you’ve had to say so many “no’s” so you could say one big “yes”?
Will this weight I’ve gained from sitting countless hours behind a screen ever disappear? I mean for goodness sakes … I just wrote a book about NOT quitting and I gained weight while doing it?!
How will my thoughts begin to shift from “oh that would be a great story in the book …” to “oh yes, this is living life again”?
What will life look like this next year?
Maybe you haven’t written a book before but have you struggled with these similar feelings too?
Over the next few blog posts I want to keep this confession conversation open to you about what it was really like to write a book and Bible study in six months.
The high’s … the low’s and the every-things in-between.
As I wrap this up, I would love to know your thoughts on this in the comment section here on the blog …
What is the hardest thing you ever accomplished in a short period of time?
How did you feel when it was done?
27 Comments
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Oh Nicki, I can so relate to these questions you asked:
Do friendships pick up again after you’ve had to say so many “no’s” so you could say one big “yes”?
Will this weight I’ve gained from sitting countless hours behind a screen ever disappear? I mean for goodness sakes … I just wrote a book about NOT quitting and I gained weight while doing it?!
I quit work Dec 31, 2014 to care for my mother, I had to say no to my friends so many times because I could not leave her for more than a hour, just to go run some errands and come right back. I also gained so much weight because I am an emotional eater and I went to food in my frustrations and for comfort instead of to God 🙁 I felt so lonely and alone and sometimes trapped, which made me feel guilty. I am now applying for jobs again, but at 60 who wants to hire a 60 year old, so I am filled with a little anxiety and maybe a little fear of the days ahead and the change in my life, just like you, what will my life be like this next year.
I love you Nicki, you are such an inspiration to me, I love when you share on the videos and conference calls at P31. You are so full of wisdom, I praise God that you listened to His voice and carried out the plan He had for you in writing your book. I will be praying for you!! ♥ My God richly bless you and your precious family on the farm 🙂
Oh I forgot to mention, my mom went to be with Jesus in August. She is finally at peace and with my dad.♥
I’m so grateful you had this time with your mom! I feel what you are feeling too friend. Praying for you to find your new, beautiful rhythm of life again. xoxo
Since January of 2015, I sent an almost complete manuscript to a small, independent publisher, completed the manuscript, edited, edited, edit, chose a cover, got a head shot, prepared marketing materials, lined up signings, felt the book in my hand and am now going through the motions of selling my book and speaking. It’s been an exciting, scary busy, crazy and fulfilling year. I DID feel like you felt. But that feeling quickly passed as I moved from writing to the other parts of being an author. My book is very personal, a memoir, so I’ve lived through hours of doubt and anxiety over it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the best (career wise). Similar to having/raising children. Anytime we come out of one phase and go into a new one, the change/adjustment is challenging/confusing for us introverts. I’m excited for you. Can’t wait to read your book Nicki!
Congratulations Tracy!!! What an accomplishment! I’m also grateful to connect with another author who struggled with these feelings. 🙂
Nicki, I’m so proud of you. You took a dream and went for it. You are such an inspiration to others.
I can relate to the “What do I do now?” I’ve been going through this since 2013.
First I was taken out of work due to my health. That took a lot of getting used to with my Type A personality. I had many ups and downs. Thank Goodness I still had my son to run around to keep me going.
Well, now he has turned 16 & I’m back to the not doing anything. When my husband comes home from work and asks what have you done today I don’t feel like I’ve done a lot.
I have decided to do like you. Just dig in and start writing. I’ve been reading a lot since 2013 and now I’m still reading but I’m deciding to write about life and the changes and feelings that go with it. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
And you have been a great inspiration for me. I know if you can do it with 3 girls and a family and working and the fixer up farm, I can too.
Thank you so much.
xoxo,
Jeanie Benson
Yay Jeanie! Cheering you on all the way as you continue to put one foot in front of the other and experience the writing life. Keep going!!
Love your blog. I understand about the friendships. I think I have done that. I hope that my friends understand the stage of life I am going through and live me anyway. We won’t talk about the weight issues.
Cannot wait for the book to come out. I was in your book group.
Hey Donna! So glad to see a No-Quit girl here! 🙂 I have hopes for friendships to pick back up again too. xoxo
Oh Nikki, how I want to hug you deeply. I have not written a book but these seasons sound similar to ones I have had before. I have found that with each season, as one ends and new ones emerge, God does a special work in each of them with a total divine purpose. Some times in that emerging process, I have expectations of what I want this new season to look like. When I break down those expectations is when God has more freedom to do something new and in the end I am comforted by letting Him take the reins. He is with you and guiding you through each season. Blessings my friend!
I want to hug you back!! 🙂 I love your thoughts on breaking down the expectations so God can free you to do something new. xoxo
I can relate to this, but my time period wasn’t short. I was working full time, going to nursing school and still needing to take care of a husband and 3 boys. I was running at high intensity, and totally consumed for a couple years. I expected a BIG sigh of relief when I graduated. It didn’t come. Looking back I realize that the BIG sigh happened in little short releases of breath over time. There were still so many things to learn, and situations I had to handle being a new nurse. It took a while to feel like I had my feet under me, but I was still dealing with the exhaustion of what I’d just been through. Be kind to yourself. Try to recognize the little breaths as sighs or short relief. You will get to the place of, oh gosh, I really did do it!! And then you’ll be moving onto the next task to accomplish. Great job, Nicki!! Can’t wait to read your book. Hang in there, girl. You did it!!
Be kind to yourself … yes, yes. Thank you for those wise words. 🙂
Can’t wait to read your book. I look forward to hearing more about your book writing journey. My husband and I cared for my mother who had Alzheimer’s. I have such special memories and stories about our journey with her. I witnessed a special moment with her the night she passed. I watched her face as she saw Heaven. It was one of the most special moments I spent with her. I have thought about putting it in writing. I would love to tell our story of difficulty, laughter, love and faith. I keep getting these moments where I wonder if God is telling me to write my story. I have no idea how to start. I’m 62 years old and wonder, am I capable of doing it. Would anyone care to read my story. I love your passion, sweetness , genuineness, faith, love of family and God. Can’t wait to read more of your posts. God Bless you sweet Nicki.
I think you should follow those nudges towards writing your story for sure! I’d start with a blog or even writing small snippets on a Facebook post and see where it goes!!
Nicki, What an inspiration you have been to me. I keep saying to myself, You can write a book, Nancy. And yet I do not do it. I sit for maybe a couple of hours and then my back hurts or my puppies want out or my Mom needs something… Life is never ending but the desire to do God’s will is very strong within me. I believe I have something to share but lose my confidence so easily.
I will try my very very best to keep on writing as you have given me the courage to do just that!
May God give you the time and love for you to rest in his arms to help you restore the Nicki we know and love!
Life is always full, this is truth. I hope you can find some pockets of time soon and create the space to follow your passions! Thank you for your sweet words.
Congratulations, Nicki! I’m super excited for you and excited to get your book. This is so inspiring for me for many reasons: your book sounds awesome and I feel like I will be totally needing it when it comes out (as I will probably be in the middle of writing my first book and I don’t want to give up). 🙂 Also inspires me as I can prepare for beginning stages of writing, I’m taking off a week and a half off work the end of November~ to focus on writing for my book.
So far I would say the hardest thing I ever accomplished was planning our wedding in only 3 weeks, yet my husband did most of the work, and the reason it was hard was because of my intense fear of being the center of attention. My greatest fear in life has always been “attention on me”, so as an adult one of my greatest fears was my wedding day. It felt like one of the biggest battles of my life and I was so relieved when it was over. God’s grace totally covered it though. We had an outside wedding in April in the midwest, and at first I was praying for snow so that hardly anyone would come (that way I wouldn’t be as nervous). On the 10 day forecast, when our wedding was on the 10th day, there was snow in forecast and a high of only 40’s. I was SO happy, that God was answering my prayer. But when I saw how horrified my soon-to-be-husband was I felt so selfish, and began to pray for good weather and apologized to God for my selfish prayer. Anyway, it ended up being about 65 and sunny by the day of wedding. And even though I had a major panic attack at my bridal shower, the day of my wedding I had absolute peace even with over 100 people looking at me. With God all things are possible! He makes a way when it’s His will. 🙂
May the Lord bless your book sales! Enjoy this time of rest and being with family and friends. And praise the Lord! He is so good, and He will keep giving you the desires of your heart! 🙂
Oh Nicki! What a great accomplishment. I know how hard it is to finish a large project that has consumed so much of your time, your life. The whole “that was great! Now what?” When I took the test for my HR certification it consumed me. I studied all the time, I took mock test after mock test, so many books to study, classes & study groups. I lived & breathed HR for months. I took that blasted 4 hour test in 2.5 hours, which that in itself gave me cause to worry, lol. But, I passed. I was so excited. I cried. No one was with me & I was 2 hours from home. I called family right away, I was so pumped. Everyone was happy for me but no one seemed to understand what an accomplishment it was. Their enthusiasm just felt flat, it wasn’t they were very happy for me they just didn’t understand how bad I needed that piece of paper that said “you get it Stela! You understand HR & all of the laws regarding it!” How could they? It wasn’t their passion. But, they celebrated with me & life did go back to normal & i still feel like I know & understand the work I love. Life will move to a new normal for you, you will have time again & your friends, your real friends all understand & are waiting for you to give them a call. I’m very excited for you! You’ve done it! You wrote a book AND it’s being published! Woo hoo! Way to go!
I loved the honesty and raw feelings you put into your blog. I have soooooo been there. For me, it seems any major milestone of life that requires so much of me feels like how you described. It is such a bitter sweet thing when that season ends. I think the most recent period of my life that felt like this was when I cared for both of my parents while they were ill and before they passed away. Not only did I have to deal with the devastating loss of each of them within a year of each other but I felt at a loss of what to do with myself because I had spare time. And I felt lonely too. I still feel that way sometimes. I call myself an Earthly Orphan. I think major milestones of life are harder on us introverts. I pray for you Nicki… you are such an inspiration to me and others. You have a contagious joy for God and you smile is always warming. Prayers for you as you sort out a new normal. <3
Hi Nicki:
Thanks for posting this blog. I’m a single mom of two amazing adult daughters and I’ve got three pretty spectacular grandsons. In addition to those most important things in life, I work full-time and I’m working on a graduate degree taking full-time classes. Now, add on top of all of that stuff that over the course of the last several months, God has placed on project on my heart. I keep trying to ignore it, but it keeps coming back to me. I can fully relate to what you’re saying in your blog! There are sacrifices that you’ve had to make to accomplish the goal of getting this book written that I think are really tough choices. I know that from firsthand experience. But when you’re following God’s will in your pursuits, you know it’s going to be great!! I can’t want to read your book!.
I can relate to this! We adopted 3 older kids, and the journey has been long and exhausting!!!(and I’ve gained lots of weight, too!) Not sure how much longer we will still be n survival mode(already over 2 years), but I definitely can relate to putting so many other things in life on hold! And a few moments that I feel like quitting!
Thanks so much for your transparency and honesty! I am looking forward to your book!
Hi Nicki, I just love you. The Lord has given you much wisdom for such a young lady! I am such an (old) shy, introvert that I have many, many acquaintances but few I would call close friends and many of those are in different states. It is such a blessing that we can be friends with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and can talk to HIM anytime about anything! Can’t wait to read your new book. God bless you.
I absolutely love your blog! I can’t wait to read your book!
One month into the 6 month process myself it is such a comfort to hear the emotions and feelings I’m already beginning to feel are “normal” and I’m not alone!! Thank you for keeping it real with us Nicki! I can’t believe I’m just catching this series now but I look forward to reading and nodding my head along with every confession! 🙂 Love you and can’t wait to read 5 Habits!
I have always wanted to write. Even as I was a young girl I felt there was so much I needed to get out onto paper. That was very much discouraged in my home. I look at my shelves now and see book after book. The ones I have loved and show the wear of many readings. Then I see all of my journals. While “writing” was discouaged, journaling was not.
I lost my job last May due to a very long illness. We are still battling and the other day my husband turned and said you need to start writing. I was floored. Here I am rather home bound and he said now you have some time and quiet to do this around all of our doctor appointments and treatments.
I have had for the first time in a long time, the ability to attend Bible Studies, on-line studies and on good days where I can I dream of writing. I feel God pushing me in that direction and yet I don’t know what the direction/topic ability is to do so.
Anyway, this had been such an encouragement to read your post and the responses. There are some amazing, incredible women out there who desire to follow God’s nudges. I pray to learn more about all of this and be faithful to follow God forward if this is his will!
Regardless this has been so encouraging!!
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