I used to look at my friends who were author’s and I couldn’t figure out why they were always talking about the process of writing a book is like giving birth to a baby.
Sometimes I would think … “Oh, it can’t be THAT hard, THAT painful or THAT confusing.”
How I would eat those words the last few months.
For me, this entire process of writing a book has felt impossible. From the beginning: the many rejection letters, the doubts, the tears, the questioning God … THAT felt hard. For years.
So, I think I assumed once I actually got the book contract, the writing part should just come. Right?
Wrong.
My first book writing night was a hot mess.
The sun had just begun to set over the Fixer Upper Farm and my office [which is in the front of the house] just glowed. It felt like a very holy moment. I worshiped, I prayed and then I sat down at my desk and starred at the computer screen.
A sense of panic suddenly rushed over me … Where do I even start?
It seemed like everything I had ever learned about book writing fled from my brain in that moment. All those conferences I attended, podcasts I listened to and articles I had read about book writing … it was all gone.
Have you ever spent what seemed like a lifetime preparing for something and then the moment comes and you feel completely unprepared?!
It was like that.
To the point where I felt numb and paralyzed.
Looking back I realize …
No matter how much you prepare, you are never really ready.
I think I spent an hour just writing the first sentence to the book. Which ended up not even being the first sentence. I wrote it, wrote it again and then I starting questioning the way I wrote even the simplest words like … “the”.
It was crazy.
The first book writing session was a complete fail.
I was discouraged, stressed and fearful.
But hope would be on it’s way soon … in the form of two friends and a beach house.
My friends Wendy and Meg booked a little beach house and we tucked ourselves away for several days to write. We ate horrible, we laughed, we cried, we encouraged each other and we worked hard.
While my word count didn’t go up too much over those few days, one of my favorite concepts from the book came from that time away. I wish I could tell you about it … but, March 1!! #releaseday
Going away to write a few times over this journey was helpful for me. But most of my writing happened right here on the Fixer Upper Farm.
In the midst of the messes, the chaos, the noise and the projects.
I thought I had to do so much to prepare to write but really it just meant parking my hiney in the chair and letting those fingers just go.
So friend, I don’t know what you are “getting ready for” in your life … keep preparing but just know …
You are never really ready. So, go …
Much love,
Nicki
16 Comments
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Your description of the first writing day reminds me of the day I brought my newborn son home from the hospital. I got home, changed him, laid him down on the bed, looked at him, then asked my mom, “Now what?!” Spent 9 months waiting for the little guy to get here & now that he was, I had no clue what to do next!! 🙂
Can’t wait to read your book!! 🙂
We did the same thing!! 🙂 So funny.
Thanks for sharing in this journey with me.
Writing can feel so lonely at times. So many late nights, early mornings, finding time to be alone, away from distractions and people. When it’s just me and my thoughts (scary lol) I think, “Is it really supposed to be this difficult? This has to be easier for others!” It’s so, so encouraging to know I’m not alone and my process really won’t last 47,000 years like I sometimes feel like it will… lol Thanks for this series and thank you for being so honest and encouraging.
Love that rainbow. Gorgeous!
I’m not a writer but I like to journal so I’ve tried writing some for Suzie Eller’s #livefree Thursday and Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday writing prompts (in my journal) and it is hard. Much harder than I expected. So, yes, I’m sure writing a book was quite the undertaking.
Can’t wait to read it.
NIcki, What a view you have. Love the double rainbow. Can’t imagine the insight you have gotten from that view of landscape. Blessings on your first book.
I agree, we may never be really ready, but, we need to go. Follow God’s nudging. He knows what He has planned for us. 🙂 I am looking forward to reading your book, Nicki. Hugs. 🙂
If you could just know how much I needed to hear that today.
I am struggling to find a method to my calling to write madness…and feel I’ll never be able to retain and properly organize, reference, and apply all that I’ve learned. In the midst of my efforts to improve my craft I’ve become afraid to sit down and start typing!!! Thank you for yanking me out of my own head, and I can’t wait to read your book!
Happy Writing!
Megs
Thanks Nikki I needed that!
As I’ve watched/read/listened to you over the years you’ve grown so much. What have you to say since you’ve climbed this book writing mountain is so much deeper…authentic. And the cool pics of the fixer upper farm and all the critters that live on it sure are fun too. Congratulations on this accomplishment and your readers appreciate your ‘confessions’ b/c we can relate 🙂
Nicki,
Thank you for reminding me to be like Abraham -to just take the first step and God will guide me. I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to read your book!
Thanks for this encouraging word!!
Hi Nicki, Can I just say how blessed I feel to have found you. Your words resonate with me so much. I have always been a writer at heart, but never had the courage to actually write anything other than my occasional blog posts. However, several months ago I discovered you on instagram and began following you and reading and listening to you and P31. I’ve become so encouraged by your writing journey and feel God has been nudging me to use my gifts more. I am finally feeling encouraged to begin writing my story. Thank you and may you be blessed abundantly.
Oh Dear Nicki!!! YES! I’m working on a book proposal about my Uncle’s life and I am TERRIFIED. I can’t seem to move past and write anything more than I did during the 31 days challenge. I haven’t even started and I am feeling so much discouragement. Numb and paralyzed. YEP. That’s it! His story is so amazing I know I have to move forward but it’s like I’ve forgotten what to do. I feel your pain.
Nicki as I read your post I had to chuckle at myself. Getting started to do something hard applies to just about anything. Every month I have to prepare a presentation for our corporate divi on meeting and every month I struggle . God reminds me to just put one foot in front of the other and go with it. Great post.
Thank you for being real, honest, transparent. I’m nowhere near a book deal, but even just claiming to be a “writer” is terrifying! Thanks for the push to go, in faith, with courage! Woohooo!!!
I am so glad that I am not the only one who experiences this! Lack of discipline and a sense of, “I’m never going to do this right!!!” have been my two arch nemeses for quite a while now.
I am slowly working on writing my story which could potentially turn into a book although for now, I am not thinking of it that way to avoid becoming overwhelmed by it. I started by writing down the different occurrences and such that have had a significant impact on my life over the years and every so often, I pick one of those and essentially do a data dump about that occurrence. It helps immensely to get all of that information out of my head and on paper without having to worry too much about finessing the style of the writing right now. I’ve also started setting aside 10-15 minutes in the mornings to daydream/observe and write about what I see. My ultimate goal is to write a fantasy narrative a la Chronicles of Narnia or LOTR but I need to take the time to find my own voice first so that I don’t end up just imitating Lewis and Tolkien in my writing.
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