Hello, friends!!
Happy Monday! Free stuff and a giveaway? Yes, please!
I’m so excited to introduce you to my friend Scott Savage. He’s written an amazing, free resource on forgiveness and has some words of encouragement today.
Also, he’s hosting a great giveaway for us!
Here’s Scott:
“You have to let go or your bitterness will consume you.”
Several years ago, I got hired for a dream job. The kind where you get to pick your salary, hold authority you don’t deserve, give input above your experience level and gain access to successful, experienced mentors. I was thrilled!
After a really intense season in the position, I sadly realized this job was all-consuming. Friends and observers commented, “Scott, we don’t like the person you’re becoming.” Anxiously, I decided to resign and announced this decision to one of my three supervisors. In a nanosecond, my office nickname went from “Apprentice” to “Quitter.”
I’ve never felt so betrayed. My anger burned. Did they not see all I had sacrificed?! I had given so much to them – time, reputation, even my character. Yet it meant so little!
My bitterness grew without restraint for months. I took the pain out on those around me. The character changes which began during my “dream job” only continued as my bitterness grew. I punished the people closest to me for the actions of others. My friends had done nothing wrong but you wouldn’t have known that as an observer.
Finally, one friend mustered the courage to sit me down for the most difficult conversation we had ever shared. Taylor called me out. Without condemning me for the rejection I experienced during my resignation process, he methodically explained how my bitterness had grown, poisoning me. He pointed out those I had wounded because I was wounded myself.
I’ll never forget one of his most-pointed phrases. “Scott, you have to let go or your bitterness will consume you. You have to forgive them.” My friend helped me understand a powerful truth that day over a cup of coffee.
If you don’t transform your pain, you’ll transfer it to others.
The stakes were high! If I did not begin the forgiveness process, I could lose precious friends and years of investment in people I loved.
Have you ever been at a crossroads like I was? Maybe you are standing there today. If so, you have a lot of company. Most people I know have at least one person they’re struggling to forgive.
In the days and weeks following that difficult conversation with Taylor, he supported me as I began forgiving my former employers and excavated the bitterness within my soul. The change didn’t come quickly or easily. It was challenging work. Today, I’m grateful to share I forgave those who hurt me.
In my experience, our greatest stumbling block is our current set of beliefs about forgiveness. We say things like, “If I forgave them, I would have to…” or “I just can’t ever forget what they did.” We believe myths about forgiveness, making it difficult to experience the real thing.
After walking my own forgiveness road and helping others, I began compiling a list of the most common myths we believe and the truths which shatter them. In my new ebook, Forgiveness: From Myth to Reality, I unpack 10 myths we believe about forgiveness and replace them with 10 truths. I also share practical steps which move us closer to letting go.
I want you to imagine for a moment that I’m sitting across from you like my friend sat across from me. Like my friend, Taylor, I’m saying to you, “you have to let go or your bitterness will consume you.” I know the wound is deep and you’re scared, but your friends and future mean too much. Let’s discover how to forgive together!
Blessings,
Scott
Thanks so much Scott! What powerful words you’ve given us on this hard topic.
Okay guys, here’s how you can enter the giveaway.
First, head to Scott’s blog and get your free eBook! Follow Scott on Twitter & Tweet about this giveaway! And leave a comment! Follow the instructions in the Rafflecopter below.
The more you do, the more you’ll be entered to WIN! I’ll announce the winner next week on the blog.
47 Comments
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I think it’s difficult to forgive because it makes us feel superior.
Very insightful, Christianne! Refusing to forgive makes us feel powerful after the powerlessness of being hurt by someone. Thanks for opening our eyes to this!
Why do you think it’s so hard for people to forgive? – I know for me, it’s because of fear. Fear of getting hurt again. Fear of putting myself out there again so that someone else can break my heart, break a promise, kill a friendship. It’s a lack of trust the no matter what this world throws at me, the Lord has me, and wants me to be free from bitterness.
Thanks for naming your difficulty. Fear has beaten me on too many occasions, too!
Very timely article for me. Looking forward to reading Scott’s e-book!
Thanks Nicole! Hope you enjoy(ed) it!
I think forgiveness is hard in some situations because we tend to remember the “action” that made us so sad and/or hurt. Especially if the person keeps hurting us over and over, forgiveness is so hard.
Melissa – Thanks for your honesty. It’s hard and it never gets easier. I hope you found encouragement and direction in the blog post and ebook! Prayed for you this morning.
Thanks Nicki and Scott! This sounds like a terrific book and I’m looking forward to reading it! Thank you also for the opportunity to win a gift card!!!
Have a blessed week!
You’re welcome, Alana! Thanks for reading.
Forgiveness is one of those life skills we will consistently need to practice since every infraction feels differently to us. I’m sure I’ll be 100 and will still need to remember to give grace and ask for it too.
Great reminder, Kelsey! We never graduate from grace ourselves nor our need to extend it to others!
Thanks Scott for reminding us all how important forgiveness is, and thanks Nicki for sharing such wonderful wisdom of Scott’s. Looking forward to reading the book. I have a chapter on forgiveness in my own book as well – When the Light Meets the Dark. When we’ve been hurt by someone, forgiveness is difficult, but with forgiveness comes immeasurable healing.
You’re very welcome, Amy! Thanks for reading!
I think it’s hard to forgive because our pain is real sometimes a physical pain, sometimes emotional…..but unforgiveness can consume and destroy us????
This is the painful truth, Anna. Forgiveness is just as messy and painful as the wounding was. I appreciate your honesty.
It’s hard to forgive a codependent controller because they never stop hurting you until there is no way to control. Mm
Mary – Thanks for sharing. I think this is why it’s so important to reject the myth which deceives us into thinking forgiveness and reconciliation are one in the same. We can forgive someone, while creating healthy boundaries or stepping away from the relationship. I prayed for the difficulty you’re facing and hope the blog post and ebook are helpful as you make difficult decisions.
I think it’s difficult to forgive because we feel like forgiving them gets them “off the hook” from hurting us and we think holding on to that hurt/anger/sadness “punishes” them and “teaches them a lesson”…forgiving them as we have been forgiven is the true lesson and way of life i want to mirror.
I’m with you, Jenn! Even though it’s difficult, I want to mirror this too!
I was bullied as a child- all thru my grammar & middle school days. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to forgive- that by forgiving those who hurt me would free me. Unforgiveness is like being in jail. Once you forgive, truly heartfelt forgiveness, then the prison doors open. You find that you can now receive forgiveness from God & know that precious real freedom only He can give.
Wow, Charlene. thanks so much for sharing and painting that word picture for us!
Thanks fot this. You have now brought me into the Twitter realm with this one. Took me some time and I thought about giving up but didnt. #5Habits
Welcome to Twitter, Elaine! It’s been so much fun to meet new people and build relationships – both on Twitter and see some of those lead to in-person connections.
This is a great post, and thank you for the book! I just wrote a blog yesterday on Forgiveness. It is definitely a process, and a difficult thing to learn how to truly forgive, but once we do, we can be filled with joy!
Thanks for reading, Rachelle! Can you share the link to your post? I’d love to read it.
It is hard to forgive because we are afraid if we forgive, we will forget what hurt us in the first place & we might get hurt again!
This is a great insight, Carolyn. Forgiveness is driven by fear – what if it happens again? Thanks for sharing!
I think it’s hard to forgive because we often associate forgiveness with forgetting. I know for me whenever I remember how another has wronged me, it stirs up all these emotions. It is so hard to forgive AND forget!! That’s just how crafty the enemy is though. We got to beat him at his game…
Stephanie – It is hard! I think we often make forgiveness and forgetting a package deal when they happen separately. This is one reason why I wrote my ebook – to bust these myths!
Because we are all broken and it takes getting closer to God to use Him to heal you and forgive.
I agree Jessica. Forgiveness only comes as God heals us and moves through our brokenness.
Oh yeah, I’m at that point right now, wanting to do it but still fueled by anger and bitterness and that is affecting everything around me, especially my husband and daughter. Yes, I’m scared coz I did the right thing and went back and apologized but the other person did not forgive me and after that my fury was rampant and I did not think this person needed to be forgiven ever again. The bitterness is eating me up inside. Please pray that I can do the right thing and forgive and live free.
Thanks for being vulnerable, Judy. I prayed for you this morning and I hope you got a copy of my ebook – it speaks directly to several themes you mentioned here.
To let the bitterness go, we free ourselves. For at one time I’d thought if I were to let it go I was telling the one who hurt me that it was okay what they did to me, thus being a lie of the enemy. Bitterness is such a heavy weight to carry and at some point will cause a great fall, leaving not only bumps and bruises, scars too.
There’s a lot of wisdom in your comment Lisa. Bitterness destroys us in the end. Grateful for you!
I think it’s hard for people to forgive because they want to get even instead.
I think you’re on to something here, Kelly. The desire to return the hurt and get revenge is so strong.
I think the enemy blinds us with several hooks. Some of which are:
~ the need for our hurt to be acknowledged/recognized by others.
~the desire for justification or that others would see that we have been hurt/wronged.
~ as long as we hold on to the offense we are making the other person “pay” for their actions (although most likely they have long forgotten the offense or they simply don’t feel it like we do.
~ it’s simply not natural to forgive. Forgiveness is a spiritual act; whereby, God’s spirit leads us to do the seemingly impossible.
Leigh – Amen! Forgiveness is a spiritual battle. Thanks for encouraging all of us.
Forgiveness is hard because you think you have to forget what they did. If someone wrongs you, you remember what they did anytime you see them or hear their name and you remember to hurt and pain that you felt. Sometimes, it’s extremely hard depending on the situation. I don’t necessarily think you have to forget, but you have to learn from it and grow from your experience.
Staci – I think you nailed it. I know so many people who’ve articulated to what you’ve written here. Forgiveness is not forgetting. I hope you found my ebook helpful in this area.
I think it is hard to forgive, because it feels like the person got away with their words and/or actions.
Absolutely, Lori. I completely agree. Forgiveness feels like surrender. This is one of the subjects I tackle in my ebook! Thanks for sharing.
Why is it so hard to forgive? Control and pride (our fallen nature). We have been in ministry for 23 years. We watch the struggle all too often. Those that are hanging on to a shred of control (by not forgiving) over whatever the situation was/is do not realize the freedom and life that awaits them when their hearts are free from the unforgiveness. I appreciated your post and will look forward to reading your E-book. Thank you for your insight.
Forgiving is definitely hard. Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to try and understand where they are coming from.
I think it’s hard for people to forgive because they don’t realise how much they have been forgiven of themselves. I believe it’s from a place of pride if this is the case, as they are not willing to realise humbly how much they have sinned agains the Lord, so pridefully assume that what has been done against them is not as sinful as what they have done themselves.
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