This morning, I woke up with something aching inside me. This needs to get out of my soul.
Have you ever gotten tired of trying to convince someone you’re for them?
I’m a huge believer in things like honor, thinking of others above yourself and being so incredibly Kingdom minded when it comes to ministry. My hands stay open as much as possible. I never want to see others as “the competition.”
We are created to complete, not compete.
But the older [wiser?] I become, the more I’m seeing this perspective isn’t reciprocated by many and quite frankly, I’m tired of it. It’s emotionally exhausting. And yet I find myself battling this what-to-do if no matter what I try, someone still isn’t for me. So today I want to share these four things I’m remembering in the midst of what feels like rejection.
4 Things to Do When Someone Isn’t For You
1. Stay in a position of public honor.
You’ve got to have your safe place to rest your relationship woes. But trust that it’s always a private place. It’s not where others, closely connected to this person you’re struggling with, are. God doesn’t honor public shaming. He never has and never will. [John 8:7]
Honor doesn’t mean being fake. It means choosing to find God, no matter what. God can use anyone for anything. We can’t be the people who deny His Works in others.
2. Ask God to sift out whatever thoughts are not His.
This is a big one for me. Because when I’m battling this place of trying to understand what’s happening, my thoughts can try to get the best of me. But lately I’ve been asking God to sift through my thoughts and remove the ones that are not of Him.
It’s working! And in the midst of feeling rejected by someone it’s letting me see things I haven’t seen before. [Isaiah 55:8]
Most of the time I’m seeing their issue runs much deeper than their dislike of me.
3. Consider this, is it you or is it who you are?
Sometimes who we are intimidates others. Maybe you haven’t personally done anything but you have a big personality that intimidates others. Or maybe your success feels threatening to that person. It shouldn’t, I’m just being real here.
Also, you guys, when you walk into a room and bring the atmosphere of Jesus … some people have a spirit on them that will resist that. [Luke 10:17] So trust that it might not be you, it might be who you are and Who you bring with you.
4. Decide if it matters.
We cannot fear the frowns of others.
Living in a day and time where we feel the need to over-explain ourselves is sticky. Even as I sat down to write this blog, did you see how I opened it? I felt the need to share where I’ve been.
I let very few people into my behind-the-scenes life. And because I let so few in, if others form an opinion about me, it’s their opinion. But opinions aren’t always truth. They aren’t even always based on truth.
If we are really going to pursue Galatians 1:10 in our lives, we have to rest in that holy confidence that they can have their opinion, but it’s just that. An opinion.
I don’t know where you find yourself in the midst of this people-pleasing struggle. If you’re anything like me, you’re a good person and you just want others to know you are for them. And I don’t think that’s such a bad thing … just don’t let their lack of approval for who God created you to be numb your steps anymore. Go be you. It’s beautiful.
26 Comments
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Perfect timing Nicki! I had/have a situation where I was contemplating doing something about something … I know vague description but I don’t want to get into the details of it. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing here on your blog this morning. It was a definite answer to a question I asked God this morning. Love you, your heart and your encouragement!!!!
Love,
Angela
I’m so thankful anytime God allows us to speak life into each other. You are so valuable to the Kingdom Angela, keep going!! xoxo
Thanks for sharing, Nicki, nice to see you back! (No judgment, just gratitude!)! It’s true that it’s hard not to feel the sting of rejection when someone doesn’t like us, we tend to make it all about us but maybe it’s not that at all! I love the encouragement to ‘Go be you. It’s beautiful.’
Isaiah 55:8 is a beautiful reminder to trust that God has a plan in all things. We may not understand at the time, but his ways are far beyond anything we can imagine. 🙂
Bless!
Thanks for the gratitude! 🙂 xoxo
Thanks so much Nicki! I really appreciate your honest, down to earth approach. I LOVE the admonition to remain honorable and sift through the hundreds of thoughts and get rid of those that are not God’s!! Great, practical advice. What lucky daughter’s you have to have a God fearing, sensitive Mama! You are beautiful!
You are so, SO kind Jody. xoxo
I’m for you! ????Such great wisdom here and so timely too. Thank you Nicki ❤️
Love you Melissa! xoxo
Galatians 1:10 is my go to verse. I teach music in children’s ministry and sometimes I have it coming at me from both parents and co-teachers. I just had to get into this verse last week. But also I look to see if God is using others to show me . I try to stay open to his movement(taught by you Nicki)so as not to react defensively but to discern through his word. I can’t wait for your next book and I keep 5 Habits on my desk to refer back to regularly. Thanks Nicki I soooo appreciate you.
Love this Jody!
This is very timely! Thank you! Saving this so I can refer to it often! I absolutely loved your last book and the P31 study that went with it…looking forward to your next book! You always inspire me…thank you! ????
Thank you Ellen! xoxo
I’m new to your blog and just signed up yesterday to be a subscriber. This post was very encouraging to me in regards to a falling out with a friend that happened back in October. I’m not trying to gain her approval of how to live my life, but of how God wants me to live. Thank you for that truth reminder. Looking forward to being a part of this community! 🙂
Welcome Erika! I’m so glad to have you here. Grateful God used this to encourage you today.
I needed this so much. It speaks directly to my heart and soul and resonates so deeply with the struggles I am dealing with. I don’t think I could get through nearly what I do without the wisdom and insight I have gained through you, P31 and especially Lysa’s book Uninvited. You ladies are so inspiring and have led me to a greater relationship with God.
Thanks Kris! Uninvited is such a great book!!!
I nodded my head as I read this! Once I THOUGHT I had a handle on all the feels, I get to unpack even more. But you know..It’s something that I’m thankful for.
It’s a reminder that the offense that I try to fling off can finally be banished!
The knowledge of what I carry is becoming more real, and I believe, seen.
Reading this has helped me with one more piece!
Blessings, Nicki! and girlfriend, I see something so deeply special about you and it’s a blessing to get to know you in any capacity that I’m able!
Kela, you are such a gift to the Kindgom, I know you’re God’s favorite. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your struggle and being real here with us. And praise Him for this breakthrough in your life today. xoxo
Love this and you! You are such an inspiration. I love your honest writing.
Thank you sweet friend. You inspire me. xoxo
I always enjoy your words and how truthful and applicable they are to my life (and others 🙂 ). I am looking forward to your new book, thank you for taking the time to write!
It has taken me a _long_ time to learn this; it’s not easy to turn loose of trying to have people understand where you are coming from, however it is always honored by the Lord when we seek His face in these
circumstances. I’ve been reminded, in a very strong way the last couple of days, that our struggle “is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12
He is our Rock, our Refuge!
Thank you for the post, When does your new book come out? Are you rolling it out, in a fashion similar to Karen and Tracie?
Love this. Thank you so much Nicki. I am, was, trying not to be, a people pleaser. I can’t wait for your book to come out and learn more.
God Bless
Nicki,
I needed this today so much. Thank you for the words of encouragement!!! God Bless!! Looking forward to your next book 🙂
Maddie
This met me where I am today, Nicki.
Thank you!
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