What’s the lie you’re believing today?

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  There are a few but they’re all tied in together. Every day I pick up my son from kindergarten and I feel like I don’t measure up to the other moms. Their kids eat fruits and vegetables. My son refuses. I have to sneak it in. He eats mac n cheese, hot dogs and McDonald’s chicken nuggets. They frown on McDonalds. Everything else is a battle. I feel inferior. I should have tried harder when he was little. Plus they always look so well-put together. I’m in jeans and a t-shirt, no make-up. They live in beautiful homes, we live in an apartment. My car (which is 12 years old) is scratched badly where my husband reversed into a pole, they all drive new, spotless cars (we live in an “expensive” area). My head tells me that material things do not matter. My kids are very loved; they are well-adjusted, they don’t feel inferior to their classmates. My husband and I have a very happy marriage. I am rich in things that are not “earthly”. But my heart is struggling so badly.

  • Oh how I feel this. Carpool/pick up and drop off is such a comparison zone. I love that you are seeing what you do have though. And listen, I’ve got picky eaters too. And they are turning out just fine. ❤️

    • Thank you so much!! I am making it a priority to thank God for 10 things each morning during my God-time. I feel that can be so helpful in keeping me grounded.

  • I am a mom of adult children. My son would only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, cereal (with sugar of course), french fires and yogurt for about 4 years of his life when he was a child. He is now a full grown heathy man with all of his teeth. Lol. Stress less. Wish i would have❤️

    • Oh Monica, how I can relate to this. My daughter, now 22, had severe ADHD and some mental illness in addition. Oh how I did my best to get her to do better as a student. Do her homework. Not forget to bring her homework home. Remember to turn in her homework. You name it! Our relationship really suffered as a result. Looking back I would have done much less with the schoolwork and much more building a good, strong relationship with her. Five years after she (barely) graduated, our relationship still is not as good as it could be.

      • Gail. Keep working on the relationship. It will toyally be worth it. And keep praying❤️

    • Monica… my son was the same way. The closest thing to veggies I could get him to eat was ketchup on his fries! 🙂 He just turned 27 & is living on his own now… this momma heart was cheering when he called me to ask for help on picking, storing & cooking various veggies.

      Hang in there, ladies… our kids will get there one day!! 🙂

    • Oh how I know kids that will only eat certain foods my niece is like that.

  • Oh Lisl….I remember when I was a young mom and feeling these same emotions. Every mom seemed better than me. But you know what God taught me…..We are special in the eyes of God. We may be different..but that’s ok. We all desire the same things…love and acceptance. From teaching women’s Bible study and being involved in women’s groups for a long time, I want to assure you that these women are searching after the same things as you. They may SEEM all put together, but trust me, they are struggling the same as you…maybe in different ways, but struggling none the less. The one thing our Lord has shown me over my 58 years is this…….In Jesus I am accepted and loved. His opinion is the only one that matters. You are loved, sweet sister.

  • Lisl you are not alone! When you mentioned your 12 year old car my mind went straight to Daisy, my 2007 Honda Accord and nearly everyday walking through the school parking lot I find myself scanning all of the other clean, shiny, new cars but guess what Daisy is strong and I have NO car payment-I’m good with that!
    It sounds like you have your feet right where God would want you to be-happy family life and serving his purpose for you.

    • Lisl and Susan – from one sister to another – I completely get this. Susan, I smiled as I read your comment, because I also have a Honda Accord and it’s 18 years old. Typically, it’s dwarfed in the school parking lot as it sits in between an assortment of nice, “new” large vehicles. I walk through the parking lot with my son and feel like everyone is staring at me as I get in my tiny old car. I typically don’t have makeup on either and my clothes are ragged, but ya know what… we are blessed. God takes care of us everyday and for that I’m incredibly grateful.

  • I replied earlier but it didn’t come in a reply to you. Look below. You are doing fine mama

  • Lisa, thank you for sharing your story. Your bravery is inspiring ❤️ Knowing what you do have and being thankful for those blessings is a great way towards ending the comparison trap. I struggle too …my family has not gone on a vacation…ever. But I’m choosing to trust God and not compare what I don’t have to what others do have. I’m praying for us both ????????????

    • Praying Melissa – yes, we have to trust God and the reminders are always good to lean to Him. Blessings…

  • I totally understand. When my kids were young a bunch of us parents always met our kids at the doors and even with my make up on and hair done I never felt like I measured up. Other parents had it all together and I still have that comparison issue of seeming like other parents have it all together, beautifully dressed and the cars with no rust and my kids are grown and no longer at home. I will be praying for you to know you are beautiful as you are. Your heart is more important than the outward appearance even though I know we struggle with knowing that.

  • Sweet heart I bet you are the prettiest on the inside! So many of us hide our feelings but you are honest and I ADMIRE you. We will never have it all together til Jesus comes! We just pray to be good parents and know we are getting better!!

  • Good morning Lisl! Thank you for your honesty. Yup, I’m that mom too; dented truck and yoga pants. I recently wrote this on my blog and thought it might help you.
    “Let’s get one thing straight! You are uniquely YOU! God fearfully and wonderfully knit you together on purpose. We all have a specific job in God’s kingdom assigned just to us. No one before or no one after will have this job. God gave you your kids because you are the best AND only mom for the job. Crazy right!! I know God is All-powerful and All-knowing but there are days I’ve questioned His judgment on that one. Can I get an Amen!! Motherhood is one job I love more than anything and hate all at the same time. I am blessed to the mom God chose for my kids, you are too. I am doing the best job I can and instead of focusing on the comparison monster, I am going to focus on being the best mom I can be.”

    Oh, and if I can help I’ve found a fruit snack that’s just 20 fruits and veggies. My kids don’t know they’re eating healthy when they get. Great for picky eaters!!
    Sonja

  • Lisl, I love your heart for your kids; I know the struggle with comparison, just in different ways, but let me tell you that, more than anything, your beautiful heart for your kiddos shines through so clearly and beautifully in your words. For every lie of comparison that the enemy tries to whisper to you, there is God’s truth and there is evidence of all the fruit of the Spirit you’re bearing by loving on your kids. Your family may not be able to check all the same boxes as other families, but it’s so obvious that love is present in your family and that’s really just the most important thing. Thanks for sharing your struggle with us. I so love that this comparison struggle is being talked about and that women are coming together to build each other up 🙂 You will be in my prayers!

  • I so understand this! As a SAHM our income is limited and we don’t have many of the “finer” things our affluent neighbors do. It’s a constant struggle comparing myself to them, wondering why I don’t have what they have. I’ve been focusing on being grateful for what I do have & what really matters. It sounds like you are raising great children who will value what really matters! ❤️

  • I can relate to how you feel! I too have a son and man is he a picky eater. I see all these other moms do organic snacks and all these awesome dinners for their kids and all my son wants is pizza and Mac and cheese lol. I too have told myself “I should have tried harder when he was little.” For Pre-K he went to a private Christian school and wow, all those moms were done up.. I too was just in a tee and jeans… I have felt the same way you have and it is totally normal to feel all those things. I want to compete with them, and have all the nice things but I have to remember that it’s not always what it seems. I am with you my dear friend! It’s hard being a mom!

  • Oh I so feel you there! I’m dealing with my child in Kindergarten – I want to be the “good mom” who does everything right, and still has time to read to her children each night before bed. I’m flying solo with my 2 and 5yr old boys, so most nights, just getting through dinner and bedtimes wear me down. I keep telling myself that I’m doing my best despite the messy house, messy car, and wrinkled clothing because it never gets put away after being washed!

• In what seems like a past life, being blessed with a lovely home, vehicles, friends who lived similarly to us, vacations…even money in our savings account, misfortune befell our home. We lost much of these “things”, except the friends. My frustration with our lack of finances, the loss of a home, reliable cars, and all that goes with a regular income took their toll on many of those friendships. The fact is, I didn’t feel “good enough” to still be their friend. Oh, the lies that Satan tells us! I know these lies aren’t true, that my friends don’t see me as less fortunate, but it is still a lie that I believe most of the time. On those “less-than-better” days I distanced myself and let so many of these friendships fall to neglect simply because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. It’s a daily struggle to remind myself that I am everything in God’s eyes and THAT is all that matters. Thank you, Nicki for this reminder.

  • So grateful you are able to see this lie comparison tried to convince you of. I’m so glad you’re looking at your loss through a different lens. And I’m sorry for the loss you’ve had financially. My husband and I went through some hard seasons too. ????

  • Kelsey,
    I know this feeling well. Seems like we get ahead and then something befalls us and we are back to square one! All of my friends are doing so much better than I am, or so it seems. I have to remember and so do you, that God is for us no matter how much we look down on our own lives! He rose up so that we could live glorious lives. It is the hardest thing to lose financially. I’ve been there so many times. But know that others are praying for you even though you don’t feel loved on! That is what this community is about.

    • Kelsey,

      Thank you for sharing last spring I started struggling with feeling enough..
      Before our women’s Conference, the Lord gave me the Words “She is Enough”! You are enough and it hurts my heart you’ve been through this tough season!

  • Kelsey, I can so relate. Looking at the no money in the savings account and not being able to go out with friends. It’s hard to not feel like everyone is looking at you and accessing your situation in life. Thank you for sharing this. I struggle daily, but have realized that God has given me those few faithful friends that are there for me, for me. Not for anything I have. We are everything in God’s eyes and thank you for this reminder.

  • Oh Kelsey I have so been where you are. A few years ago I was literally stripped of everything for doing what I thought the Lord told me to do. I had to make some hard decisions that resulted in losing just about all of those close to me , my finances and my car repo’d. For years I was ashamed to tell others that my car was repossessed because I bought into the lie that I would be less of a Christian if I told others. Honestly it was just my pride of not wanting others to know. I went from being the one who always had money to now being the one who was ashamed because she had nothing. I didn’t tell anyone and allowed it push me into isolation. I can honestly say that on the other side of this you will be so much better. Prayers from a sister who’s been there but now on the other side. It amazes me that even in my lowest there was someone comparing themselves to me and I’m like um why I have nothing lol goes to show that even in your situation there is probably someone else comparing themselves to you.

  • Kelsey, if you lost everything financially today, you’re still more than enough, loved, and valued. Even at our lowest moments, God’s love reaches in to hold us close and shows us He can provide all we need. That comparison, especially in regards to finances is so hard. I have been there and it hurt so much. My husband and I were actively serving around the clock in ministry, giving to others and loving God passionately. However, a bad financial decision and a series of unexpected events left us losing “everything”. We went through such a hard time that our faith suffered for a long time. WHY did it all happen when we were giving all we had?! Comparison crippled. Wondering why God didn’t intervene left us lacking trust. It was hard to maintain relationships and we let Satan twist our emotions. It’s so easy to buy into the lie of less than. Hang in there! Keep fighting to remember His goodness and your worth as His child. It’s now been ten years since our crisis and we’re stronger and can look back and see where He carried us. I pray that in your situation you continue to cling to Him! He does restore and redeem!

  • I feel this struggle, too, friend. My family and I take care of my grandparents, but to do so, a lot had to be given up and our finances totally changed. We’ve also experienced not being able to go on vacations or do some of the things we used to and it’s been really hard. I have definitely had those days of not feeling good enough or like I measure up because of the change in circumstances, but like you, God’s helping me see how rich we are in so many other ways: friends, family, and all the memories we’re making together that we never would have if things hadn’t so drastically changed. Our circumstances may be crazy different, but so are our hearts because of this and it’s so cool to see how God has brought about such good heart-change. It helps me to see that He’s bringing goodness out of a messy situation and I love how He’s doing the same for you 🙂 He is just so good!!

• itʻs “tough” when circumstances change and your friends drop you … God is still in control and going through this with me because He said so

  • That is tough Roni. Praying you find a new community soon. xoxo

    • I’m with you there on the threshing floor of lost friendships. Jesus be with you !

      • Roni and Mary – I feel your pain. Nearly three years ago I lost some very dear friends. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever walked through. I find myself constantly thinking about them and wishing I could fix the brokenness. It’s hard, but God… I keep trusting Him.

  • Your comment really touches my heart. I feel your pain and will pray for you. A couple of years ago a Christian friend used me, turned on me, then cut me out of her life. It broke my heart and I swore off close friends. But God knows better and at the perfect time brought an amazing friend into my life over the past several months. She is such an amazing support. Keep believing and praying. I will pray for you that God will place the right friendships and support in your life. Until you have someone who you can interact with in person, I’m glad you have reached out to our awesome online community. Don’t give up, I almost did, but God always has something in the works even when we don’t see it immediately. He sees you and loves you!!

  • He sees your heart and He is preparing new sisters and new friends for you.

  • God will restore your friends he did it for me. When I lost all my friends in season he told me to let him restore my relationships and he was true to his word

  • Roni,
    I was right there with you. but God has been faithful in bringing others my way. I won’t lie, I am still grieving the friendships I have lost. I don’t know if that sting will ever go away but somehow God has enabled me to be vulnerable and open and present to the new ones that I have anyway, if that makes any sense. Praying you will feel God’s presence during this time and that He will send you godly sisters in Christ you can trust and be vulnerable and open with. ????

  • Roni, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I understand. I lost all my friends a few years ago after being in a tough relationship and that relationship ending. I was in college at the time and was left totally abandoned by all the people I thought had been my friends, but really weren’t. I was in so much pain during that time when I had literally no one on campus, but sweet friend, let me encourage you. Even though I had no friends, even though they all left, God was still. there. He never left me and I know deep down in my soul that He will never leave you. It’s been a slow process, but after a few years of really not having a circle of friends, I’m slowly starting to make new friends who love Jesus and are truly there for me. The same will happen for you, just when God intends it to. There were lots of times I wished that He would speed things up, but there was such kindness in His timing. Over the few years that I didn’t have any close friends, He taught me so patiently to rely and lean on Him, to learn that He is my enough, that He is my constant, my anchor. It was a rough lesson (& I’m still learning!) but He’s teaching me to rely on His Presence when the presence of others begins to fade and without that rough season, I don’t know that I ever would have learned that. I will be praying for you. Remember that you are never alone, dear friend.

• I probably would have never discussed this on a blog with people I don’t even know… but I’m about to fall apart. Comparison sneaks in in so many little tiny cracks and eats all of my lunch before I even realize it’s lunch time.
  Comparison for me is rooted in this incredible fear of rejection. So when I actually am rejected I reel in the storm of collasal waves of comparison.
  Currently- the battle is over being “cool” enough for real true friends… and that spills over into ministry. I must not be “good enough” for God to use like that.
  I know in my head these lies are just that- lies. But today, my heart is just not so convinced.
  Nicki- I can’t wait to read your book.

  • Brandi, I’m so grateful you had the courage to write these words here. Oh how I know the comparison the “cool girls” seem to bring, whether they intend to or not. But you’re right … it’s a lie. Doesn’t mean it isn’t happening in our heads but it’s a lie. I’ve been there so much. And I’m sorry for what you’re walking through. Keep calling it a lie and keep staying plugged into this community! We’re gonna love you through this. xoxo

  • Brandi! I can so relate! I am stepping into ministry and also feel either 1) not seen EVER by anyone or 2) swallowed up by bigger fish in the sea!
    I am working on being obedient to just Him and an audience of One – no comparison to others!
    Praying for you on this journey!!

  • You are so brave and honest about your struggles. The enemy likes to get us thinking that we are the only person going through the emotions. I too go through the mind battle of my life now and where I expected to be. Remember God is with you, God is in you, God is for you. It’s ok to not be ok, be in His love for you. Zephaniah 3:17

  • Brandi, as soon as I read the word rejection, my heart felt something. I can very much relate. Satin sneaks into this area and tells me I’m not needed. It hurts! God’s Love is so much greater. And Jesus certainly knows what it feels like to be rejected. So I know we can always bring this to Him.

  • The fear of rejection is only a feeling. God has equipped and placed those friends in your path for a reason. I am the worst person ever when it comes to comparison. I let my comparisons while serving in church create such a rift that I left the church and it has taken over a year to find somewhere to call my church home again. I will be praying for you and your place in this ministry, You are there for a reason, God has equipped you.

  • Brandi,
    Thank you for being brave to share your heart!
    I too feel similar things, I know God is calling me to do big things for him, a blog , a bible study in my church, but when no one signed up for my study, I was left thinking the “I’m not enough” mantra. No one likes me…. the lies go on and on…..
    we need to be honest and call out the lie and begin to speak the truth of what God’s word says about us… we are
    “More than enough!”

  • Brandi,
    I can relate to not feeling “good enough ” to do ministry. I recently became a team leader for our hospitality team at church and I feel so inadequate and not sure if I “deserve” to be in that position. I have a tendency to listen to the doubts Satan throws my way. I know I am supposed to be in my new position because I told the Lord I wanted to serve more in the church and this position came along!

  • Oh Brandi, my heart is hurting for you. “Cool” is such a terrible lie that Satan uses. But if you are part of a ministry to people, then you ARE good enough, because God wouldn’t have asked you to do that for Him otherwise. Sending you lots of love, prayers, and good enough vibes. Take care, and know that you are loved. <3

  • I can so relate to wanting to be one of the cool people. This is a lie that I fall victim to so often when I see others going out to lunch or meeting up with girlfriends. Saying a prayer for you tonight. ❤

  • Brandi.. so identify… I have to constantly remind myself that God did not choose the “cool” people in the Bible but looked for those willing to sit at his feet, drop their nets, build a boat despite the words spewed at them… as I walk into meetings I write a little note at the top of my tablet to remind me I am here because I am His… prayers!!!

  • Brandi, vulnerability builds bridges. Your honesty, transparency, and bravery has opened the door for those lies of not being enough to be healed. As you can already see from comments, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! MANY of us feel that way, especially in stepping out in a ministry opportunity. Cling to this: He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. You are uniquely designed by Him. That’s more than enough!

  • Brandi,
    My heart is broken for you. And I’m not just saying that. I feel that way sometimes. I believe the enemy wants us to feel alone and distant from God and each other.

    Great friends are those who take you as you are. And honestly, sometimes everyone might be thinking the same as you… we need to be honest and vulnerable and open with each other so that we can break down the enemy’s lies that we are less than that we are not enough.

    One thing that has helped me BIG time is realizing that God loves me and accepts me as I am flaws and all. It helped me love myself and see myself as worthy of love and belonging.

    Something that helped with this was this verse:

    “ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord,” (Romans 8:38-39).

    I pray that this Truth will sink in and you can realize how God sees you. And from that you will come to see that you are worthy of love and belonging and feel comfortable enough to be open and vulnerable around others just the way you are!!

  • Hi Brandi,
    Your story really resonated with me because I too would have never imagine myself commenting on a blog about this. However, I love Nicki and so I guess oddly, it feels risky and safe at the same time. I struggle on a daily basis with comparison. I worry my clothes are not good enough at work, my makeup is not applied well enough, hair not good enough, body not good enough, house not good enough, car not clean or fancy enough, and the list goes on and on. I guess I’ve never really been honest with how much comparison has consumed my life until Nicki started addressing it with her new book. I am clinging to Faith that I can overcome this and find peace and contentment with things as they are. I just wanted you to know I could relate to you.

  • Your comment about how the enemy eats your lunch before you even realize it’s lunch time!
    That is so true! You are not alone in that sometimes the feelings and emotions of not feeling good enough come out of nowhere! I’ve been there just this week!
    I am in ministry and last week left a conversation with my boss so super excited about some changes we are making to only be met Sunday-Wednesday of this week with discouraging thoughts of am I really good enough, can God really use what I’m doing and going to get to do!
    And God has reminded me this week that He can and He will—He has made me just the way I am and placed me just where I am because these are the ways He can use me the most! Those people I want to compare myself to, He is using them too, but He doesn’t mean for me to compare myself to them and what they are doing but to remember that we each have a unique purpose—they have been placed in their unique situations to fulfill His unique purpose for them and I am in my unique place to fulfill what His unique purpose for me!
    And the same is true of you! He may not use you the way you see Him using others but that’s on purpose because He wants to use you just the way you are!!
    Praying for you!

  • I second what Nicki said! We are all here for you and even though we may never meet, I am praying for you and rooting for you. You are not alone in this struggle and we’re gonna fight against the enemy’s lies together. Much love and prayers to you, Brandi

  • Brandi,

    I think a lot of us can relate to this. It is even harder I think with social media and seeing what appears to be everyone else living a perfect life. I continue to look for ways to grow in the path God has for me and that helps me find balance and be ok with what seems like rejection. My prayers for you as we co it use down this journey. Know you are loved by our Father who won’t reject us and we are never alone when we have him.

    Blessings and love to you. Terri

• Being a stay at home mom with no littles at home I’m thrown at the question so what’s new with you? I usually say nothing much, but feel judged like I’m less than since I stay home even though my kids are in school. How do you explain all the millions of things you do daily without sounding like your complaining or boring them?!

  • Deidra, I could totally see how comparison would play a role in your mind through this lie. But I bet there’s a mom who would give a whole lot to live the life you’re living right now. Even though it may seem like you’re life isn’t as full as theirs, remember you are living out your God assignment. It’s a lie to think it’s this fast-paced, full every second kind of life to serve the Lord. It’s “go” in some seasons and in others its a little slower. I feel guilty sometimes for being a mom whose gone a lot. It’s a hard balance and I’m not sure there is one we win, either way. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

  • Deidra I completely understand! I became a stay at home mom after my kids had entered school and people didn’t understand. It was really hard at first because my identity had been in my previous job and now when someone asked “what do you do?” I wasn’t sure what to say. God has shown me though that I’m doing exactly what He wants me to do and I answer to Him. I’m loving my family well and taking care of them. My identity is no longer in a job but in Him and that’s where I hope it stays. There are tough days for sure, but those are days I draw closer to Him. Praying for you!

  • Deidra, although I am not a mother, I am a retiree who stays at home. God’s plan for me was to retire early (I was NOT happy!), but after a while I realized that God’s plan was good. I could no longer base my identity on my work, but on who I am in God’s family. Retirement has freed me to care for my aging mother and to help my husband clean out his parents’ house. God has taken me out of many activities so I can concentrate on my relationship with Him. So enjoy your stay at home status, follow closely where God leads, and remember that you are a daughter of the King!

  • Hi Deidra,
    Stay encouraged! Any mom knows that being a stay at home mom (regardless of whether their kids are in school or not) is a job in itself! Don’t let those feelings of “less than” or perceived judgement creep in! God has you in the right place at the right time!

  • Deidra, be confident in the role God has placed you in this season of life. You ARE doing a valuable ministry. No matter how unseen you feel or “less than” at times in comparison, those are just lies of Satan. Every little thing matters. God sees it. NEVER doubt your worth.

  • Deidra!
    I find myself in a different season than you-a single working woman with no kids or family in town and sometimes being around my friends who have kids and family in town who have all the things going on and happening can cause me to feel less than and that I have a boring life!
    God is teaching me this year to embrace the season I’m in and know that the rhythms I am being able to put in place in my life that seems different and more boring than others is actually bringing me closer to Him! So I can’t help but believe maybe the same is true for you! You are being able to be such a great example to your kids by what you are getting to do as a stay at home mom in this season of your life and their lives!
    Not saying the other moms aren’t…but God’s placed you here for specifically what you need in this season and what your kids need in this season! He’s placed the other moms and kids in their seasons for exactly what they need too!
    I have to keep reminding myself of this daily to keep from comparing my schedule to other people’s and to ask God on a regular basis, “Am I using the time you are giving me as you would have me to use it, and if I’m not what does He want me to change!”
    Praying for you today!

  • Hi Deidra! I am right there with you sweet sister! All of my people are in school and I often feel less than. Every night I feel the need to give my husband a laundry list of tasks I accomplished, so it doesn’t seem like I’ve spent my day laying around. I have friends with more money then we do and great careers and think “hmmmmm maybe I should do that too.” God has you right in the spot He wants you most, doing His work! There is NOTHING more awesome than that! He’s been showing me this lately. My time at home allows me to be more present for my kids and my hubby. It’s allowing me to pursue new dreams. I’m sure there are many moms who wish they were in our shoes. You are blessed beyond belief.

  • Deidra, the other night I went over to a friend’s house to hang out and some other women were there whom I don’t know very well. We were all talking and I got quieter and quieter because I felt like I had nothing to contribute. Except for one, they are all moms and they all have regular jobs that they go to. I felt called to leave work so that I could pursue the dream God gave me full-time, so like you, I spend most of my time at home and it’s really hard to feel like I do much in comparison to others. That night, I was absolutely wracked by the lies of the enemy and the lies of comparison. All this to say, that I understand. But don’t lose sight of the good work God is doing through you for your kiddos. Being a mom is ministry! You are raising up the next generation and it’s such beautiful, honorable work that you’re doing. What God calls each of us to do might look a little different, but His plans and calling for us are always good and always worth pursuing, so don’t let the enemy diminish the work God’s doing through you because it really is so important and so valuable!

• Well. I had a fall out with my best friend 2 years ago and we haven’t talked ever since. Sometimes photos of her pop up on my time line and she seems to have moved on and she seems happy I always compare myself with her other friends and wonder if I really was her friend. It’s a battle I am constantly fighting but I am praying God will open up my heart to heal and let go.

  • I bet she’s aching too. One doesn’t go through the loss of a BFF and not ache. I think you’re totally justified in feeling this way. Thanks for sharing what’s happening in you.

  • I hope you will understand more of what happened in time. Just know that there is something better out there for you. There’s an ache when friends disappear but God is bringing you to something more. I’ve been there and understand the bewilderment when someone you trust just disappears. Blessings.

  • O, it is so very difficult when you have a parting of ways with your BFF. You are grieving the loss of something very precious and dear. I would suggest that you unfollow her on FB and other social media so that those lies of comparison aren’t “in your face” so to speak. I had a dear friend that I finally had to say I was done. She seems super happy, but again, social media isn’t real life. Praying you will see your value in Him and that you have victory because He is victorious. Praying for new friendships!

  • O, I completely get this! When I lost my best friend almost three years ago, my heart broke into a million pieces. I do the same thing when I see her pictures pop up on Facebook. I miss her more than words can express and long to be reunited with her. It’s hard. Very hard.

  • O, I can feel your hurt through your typed words because I can so identify with that! I’m currently aching and trying to heal from the loss of my dearest, closest friendship. One that was a direct gift from God in my opinion. Though there wasn’t a specific falling out, it’s more like no longer mattering, it’s so easy to wonder if I really mattered. You’re so right in this being an easy place for comparisons to sneak in. Please never forget your worth and value! Praying He comforts your heart through this hard season! Satan so wants to use these type of heartbreak as a downward spiral to draw us away from God and to shake our self worth. NEVER doubt in the dark what He has shone in the light. In that light, He says you’re valuable, loved, worthy, and so much more!

  • I feel your heart on this. Several years ago my best friend (since junior high) got really mad at me because I couldn’t ‘overlook’ the things her son was doing in breaking the law, and getting into trouble. He is her only child, and she wanted to ‘cover’ the trouble He was in, and even pay to keep him out of serving the ‘penalty’ for these things. I love her and felt so bad that she was being ‘used’ by her son’s anger and pleas of don’t tell anyone. I thought I was helping her by advising counselling and getting help. Apparently, that was offensive and angered her that I was encouraging her to step out and get help….because tahe meant she would have to tell someone who may then push her to ‘d something’. She dropped me as a friend and hasn’t spoken since. I’ve tried calling her, but it’s a struggle to get through just a few words. I miss her. I know the feeling of losing a best friend. ❤

  • She probably has similiar feelings and either is sharing with someone else or she is
    dealing with in her own way. My best advice would be to pray for her and ask for God to do a work in both of you even opening up the possibility of a renewed friendship. God has a plan and instead of comparing yourself, scroll on and be happy for her. When its hard look for the blessing around you, even the small ones will help you remember God is working.

• Comparison and why her is very present in my life right now. My husband and I have been trying for children for 11 years and just recently last year I had my first miscarriage. We were just so excited thinking this is it we’re finally pregnant and then shortly loss the pregnancy, at that same time my unwed sister had a baby boy and I just thought wow why her and not me. I’m learning through this boom laund and through the book that God doesn’t favor one over the other and that his plans are good.

  • I had a total of 4 miscarriages and a ton of kiddos from others coming in and out of my door. No I was not a foster parent. Just friends and family members that needed help. I can even say with my first loss a nurse pops in the office and says girl or boy? and no lie my assistant pastors wife delivered her healthy baby boy at the same hospital and same time I was loosing mine. I was able to finally have to wonderful daughters of my own. But I understand every feeling you are having. I struggled as I watched sister in laws have abortions and mothers so strung out they didn’t even see the blessings they had. I asked God a lot of questions through that time. This past year I taught a bible study that included the woman who finally had Simon. I gathered pictures of the kiddos who had been in my care and took them to the class. I now see where God allowed me to be a minister of mercy. He was making sure kiddos were safe and loved in the midst of their pain. Today I leave with you this thought. Even if, God is still God. He has a purpose for you.

    • Thank you for your words, I am finding so much peace in your story..

  • Wow, ladies, thank you both for sharing your story here. I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing but grateful you’re letting yourself wrestle with God through this. Pausing to pray for you both right now.

  • My heart is heavy for you and I am praying for you; thank you for sharing this heavy burden and your enduring faith in Abba Father.

    • Amen thank you for your prayers I believe in prayer and I know he hear us.

  • I hear your heart all too well. And when it comes to trying to have kids it’s a deep pain that is not easy to express. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have yet to be blessed and people act like it’s so easy and don’t understand the struggle. My co-worker who has been married for 3 years is pregnant and is constantly rubbing her belly and every other non working convos is about baby. Praying for you. Please know you are not alone!

    • Oh yes. The excitement is really hard to watch and baby showers are just excruciating . It was the longest season of my life, and I felt like I was being punished for something. We came through it and I do understand your pain. It will not last forever, and you will find what God has for you.

    • I experience that and worse people around me have even called me jealous of them but I can honestly say that god has been close to this broken-hearted women and I know he is close to you as well. Thank your words and let’s stay in prayer ????

  • Oh my, I can relate to this. I was dumped from a marriage because of miscarriage, and not being able to have children. I struggled with ‘why her’ for many years. My heart can relate to the watching others have kids all around me. ????

• Hello, thank you for listening and being there for us. My lie is I cannot believe that I am good enough or deserve to be at the top of the company I at working at, I am an entrepreneur but still working it’s hard for me to believe I am good enough therefore I don’t make it and I am stuck at my job, I torture myself daily in believe that no one wants to join my team, even though there is evidence from everyone else that it works! Why do I always feel I’m not deserving of success or to be and do what I want in life! Thank you so much praying for you and oh so grateful for your ministry!
  Rose

  • I hear you. Do you know who Nicole Walters is? I’d encourage you to check her out. She’s such a champion for entrepreneurs. You can’t watch her videos and not feel inspired!

  • The enemy is such a good liar and that fear you feel is a lie.. you are a women of Christ and as hard as it may seem you are a leader and are good enough smart enough. There is nothing you lack that Gods grace can not give you believe in that everyday post it if you have to and drown out those lies.. praying for you Rose…

  • Rose, you are enough! One of the things that helped me was Col 3:23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. I worked and worked and worked and got passed over numerous times for promotions but more importantly just raises. It was hard and trying, but I loved my job and I loved doing what He called me to do. Trust Him in your path!

  • Rose – I have felt not good enough many times in my life. For example, I am the youngest in my family and never felt good enough. Like I didn’t have a voice with 3 older siblings. A few years God led me to study the life of Gideon (the Bible study by Priscilla Shirer) and it was life changing for me to learn how God used Gideon even though He was the youngest. Gideon’s life was a great example to me to be brave and confident that God is on my side and I just needed to submit to Him and trust Him with what He was calling me to do! I needed to submit and follow God’s leading.

  • Rose – I have felt not good enough many times in my life. For example, I am the youngest in my family and never felt good enough. Like I didn’t have a voice with 3 older siblings. A few years God led me to study the life of Gideon (the Bible study by Priscilla Shirer) and it was life changing for me to learn how God used Gideon even though He was the youngest. Gideon’s life was a great example to me to be brave and confident that God is on my side and I just needed to submit to Him and trust Him with what He was calling me to do! I needed to submit and follow God’s leading.

• I don’t think there is a particular ‘her’ that I am comparing myself to, but instead a ‘her’ I think I should be. I think it’s a combination of who I think I should be, who I think God wants me to be and who I think I should be in comparison to everyone I know or see on social media. So for me it’s not one person, it’s an illusion of an ideal her. I all too often forget that I am already everything I need to be because God created me exactly how he wanted me. It’s in the comparing and deception and temptation of this world that I try to change myself to who I think I should be. I dont look at myself the way God looks at me and I am trying to change that. I think that is def. one of the reasons I struggle so much right now with an eating disorder. There are lots of reasons but I know that one root to it is comparison. I feel like through this journey though I will uncover the lies and learn to replace them with the truth about who I am, whose I am and where I belong.

  • That’s powerful to identify Kristen … that “her” is an illusion. Comparison is such a deeply rooted struggle I can see how it’s leading to these lies you’re hearing. I had an eating disorder too in high school and I can totally trace it back to comparison. I’m praying for you friend.

  • Hi Kristin…I just said that to myself the other day. I think my ‘why her’ is really about who I used to be or who I think I need to be. It makes it an interesting challenge. I do believe Nicki’s book will help us both take victory over this area! (((HUGS)))

  • Hi Kristin! Sending you love & prayers – you are not alone in the struggle! The enemy tries so hard to defeat us with lies about who we are.We just have to cling tight to the truth – we are daughters of the one true King! My favorite lil’ saying lately is “Not today, Satan!” I say it A LOT… out loud… which might sound silly, but I’ve found it so helpful.

  • I can totally understand the feeling of not knowing who I should be or who God wants me to be. I have been there. Through Bible Studies, fellowship with other women believers and many prayers, I have learned to remember God created me for a special plan. He knows the plans he has for me and I am blessed to be his. Thinking of you and praying for God to give you comfort and the reassurance of His love.

  • Kristen,
    I too have measure myself to other people wishing I was like them or that I was taller but I am reminded that God created me unique and knew me while I was in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139 has been such an encouragement to me to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. God knows me even when I struggle with something or make mistakes but he loves me for who I am . I am praying for you . I encourage you to read Nicki’s new book when it comes out or preorder it because it will help you have victory in this area.

• My comparison comes under rebellious daughter ( who I love to the moon and back) and close relatives whose children seem to have it together. I feel for my daughter as during her struggles ( which she thinks she’s just fine) believing I love her brother more. She’s made some poor choices and I at times feel like all eyes on me are saying why don’t they do this or that. The struggle is real.

  • Cathe, I get that. As moms its so easy to wonder what we did wrong but the reality is, our kids make their choices and then their choices often make them. This is a hard struggle, but don’t believe that lie. You’re a good mom whose kid made a poor choice but that doesn’t mean she’ll live a poor life. The best days are still ahead for her and for you!

  • Cathe, parenting comparison is top on my list. #solidaritysister
    Just reading your post I can tell you are a great mom who loves her great kid. Keep praying and keep loving her well, and just think what a beautiful testimony she will have one day.
    Saying a prayer for you and your girl right now ❤️ ((Hugs))

  • Cathe,
    As a mom of a “prodigal son” who is walking his path away from God and everything he has been brought up to know and I have tried to teach him. I know it hurts and so scary for a mom who has to watch this….. I so understand and I feel the comparison and hear the lies” of not being a good mother” and “this is your fault, you didn’t teach him well enough” Especially when you see other children raised up with yours and are not making these choices… and are the “perfect” children.. even the families who did not go to church or teach them and share the bible…..but those are lies of the enemy.. you are the best mom for your child.. God picked you special for your children….you are the one he knows can make a difference in their lives and your daughter is good and a child of God too who is making bad choices… on her own but they are choices.. are not her life.. she can always make better ones in the future..and it doesn’t make her a “bad” child… just know God has her in his hands too as he has you.. and you can tell you are a good mom… by how much you care about her… hugs… pray for her…..and I will pray her and for you too feel God’s love and strength as you pray and love her unconditionally.. she will come around.. .. God will put good people and good choices in her path as we pray to lead her back on the right path!!! It may take some time.. but God will answer and hold her in his safe strong arms…

• I have many different things I struggle with comparing myself with others. Parenting, my child’s behavior, financial situations, appearance. In my current stage of life, a specific comparison I have struggled with is others that are around my age, and same stage in life, that are buying or building their own home. It’s difficult for me to wait for when God wants that for our family. We are still renting and live in a family passed home. I am thankful for our home, just struggle with why we are not prepared enough to have and own our own home.

  • Oh how I know the house-comparison struggle too!! It is so hard to be content with what you have sometimes while watching everyone else “seem” to live your dream. I applaud you though for being thankful for what you do have and don’t give up on believing that you’ll get to that next step. It’s coming!

  • Beverly, finances are so crazy. You just never know how much anyone has. People look at money from so many angles. A big mortgage payment every month can be mortifying. Being comfortable and able to sleep is good. And, the right situation for your family will come along in time. Blessings!

  • I understand. At this stage of our lives, my husband and I thought we would be financially secure. But, through the years, job changes and medical bills have changed things. The home we built was sold and we moved to another state. However, God is providing blessings of all kinds each and every day. Being close to family, meeting new people, and learning about our new area and finding a wonderful church have been a few of the blessings so far. We are blessed with great new friends. God is awesome!

• Like everyone else i share the not good enough feeling. Mine is based on previous decisions that are now regrets as i get older. I see others with long marriages and i am on my second. I see others with the ability to cut back at my age but i still work hard. I see others with a great heart for Jesus and feel like i am not good enough for Him. I know that i have been blessed by so many good things but the comparison shadows all of that

  • Yes, sometimes the pain of our past has a way of causing problems in our present. Totally identify with this. I’m grateful you do see the blessings in the midst of this. Keep calling our that lie for what it really is … you are so loved and chosen by our God. You’re His favorite.

  • Monica, I completely relate to the feelings of regret and how they cause us to feel not good enough. But that is a lie that you should. It believe! You are more than enough and you are so loved!

  • Monica, I can relate to your struggle with marriage comparison. As a single Mom, with a failed marriage behind me, I struggle with knowing I’ll never have one of those testimonies of a marriage of many, many years as I once thought I’d have.
    But, I’m slowly learning that I’ll have a testimony of success one day too. It just won’t look like I once thought it was. Maybe it will simply be that I survived raising children all alone. Maybe it will be a 2nd marriage that I am proud of. But, I do know that God has a plan for my life and he has one for yours too!

• I feel like the comparison queen, and that’s not a title I would be proud to have. I compare my parenting to that of other moms, which subsequently has me comparing my son who is really an awesome kid, to my friends’ kids. I compare my writing, feeling like I can never measure up to “real authors.” The struggle is real. Thank you for tackling it for us, and making us look at it in the light of scripture. You rock. 🙂

  • It’s not a title I’m proud of either. But … me too. I know this measuring up struggle is real. And I’m grateful you would share your heart with us here. Keep up this soul-honesty, friend!

  • I can totally relate, Jennifer! Sadly that is a title i wear too often as well. But your right, the only way to fight this struggle is with Him and through His word! And it helps as well knowing we aren’t alone in this ????

  • Jennifer, I can so relate. Especially the parts about parenting and writing. I have to continually remind myself that God made me the mother of my girls for a reason, and that I am designed to parent them in the way they need to be parented. But it’s so hard sometimes. You are not alone!

• Ok, so here is mine. When ladies say how much bible they read and pray for all of these things and I think why can’t I be more spiritual like them. I have tried all the tricks that are out there. I have so many devotional books I could start my own book store!! I have signed up for all kinds of blogs, websites and groups to help me get motivated but I always fail. I have tried getting up a half an hour earlier but then life happens and night time is not my thing either. I was a preachers kid so I had parents who prayed for everything and was in the Bible all the time so I know the benefit and the results that will come from it. It’s very discouraging to see others appear to be so close to God and I feel so far away. At times, I feel God probably just lets me flounder around and will get to me later and sometimes that ok with me.

  • Oh, do I get this too!! There are so many times I’m just plain embarrassed how much I don’t know about the Bible. But you are being you and you are doing what you can do. And that’s a beautiful thing. He will bless it!

  • I can relate to this. I’ve learned the freedom in “I don’t know, let me find someone who does!” I’ve learned so much that way and also, realized it was the enemy trying to keep me from serving and growing.

  • Oh Shauna,
    The spiritual comparison trap is real! That is something I can definitely relate to. I fell into the trap of comparing my relationship with God to those around me and here’s the thing, we are all created differently so my “quiet time” is going to look different from someone else’s. God knows how to connect with me in a way that’s unique to how He created me and once I accepted that truth there was much freedom in my quiet time. Do what works for you sweet sister even if its only 5 minutes at a time. You may be closer to Him than you realize!

  • I could be your twin! Sometimes I just get overwhelmed when participating in these things, like I just don’t get it and then I give up❤️

  • Wow. I felt like you were talking about MY life. I, too, could open my own bookstore. But with each passing day, I’m learning that God doesn’t care about how MUCH time I spend with him, but that I simply spend time with him. A minute here, a few minutes there, it’s all good. Sometimes, I will look at the clock and say “Father, this next hour, I am dedicating whatever I am doing in prayer for _______.” So if I’m reading, washing dishes, working, eating, whatever I’m doing, I offer it to Him as a prayer for someone or something. I think that is one way that we can “pray always” as St. Paul had told us.

  • Shaunna,

    I completely understand how you are feeling. Your relationship with God is YOUR relationship with God – not anyone else’s. I have learned over the years that only you can mold that personal relationship with him and it’s all about the precious few minutes that you are able to just “talk and turn it all over to him” that HE genuinely cares about. I will tell you a story to make you chuckle. One day, my little son came around the corner of a room and said “Mom, did he answer you back? ” I looked at him and said “What are you talking about?” And he looked at me and said “You have been talking to yourself out loud for the past ten minutes…I just want to know if anyone is going to answer you back!” I chuckled to myself and then I told my son “Don’t laugh at me I was talking to God and he smiled at me and said I’m glad for you mom, I hope he answers your prayers.” It doesn’t matter when your where you talk to him….it just matters that you do. It doesn’t have to be reading a devotional or the bible, it just have to be you and HIM having a real conversation. I hope this helps and I will be praying for you!

• I was the worst about comparing myself and thinking I wasn’t good enough, talented enough or smart enough. God had placed all these resources in my life full of wonderful, smart, successful women. I wanted to be them. But slowly, God was showing me that I was them, but His timing for my story wasn’t now. God had placed these resources in my my life to show me that they struggle just like I do. That their success hasn’t been all their life or happen overnight (which is how I thought mine should be). It took time and growth. And ACTION on their part. That was my fault. I had and have the resources, it is just the doing part that has me tripped up. Even though my resources are helpful, my focus doesn’t need to be on them. My focus needs to be on my faith and my walk with God. Where does God want me to go? What does God want ME to do? Maybe it is something these other women have done and maybe it isn’t. These women are to show me that I can do this and He will guide me if I just let Him lead.

  • Kristin, I know it’s so hard to remember that there’s always a behind the scenes story happening when we look at someone’s success. I love how you’re wrestling with this and really asking yourself the hard questions.

• I stopped going to church because, I thought I had listened to God and stepped out to do his will. But was attacked from leadership in the church. Was told I wasn’t even adequate to do a bible study. I ended up getting attacked from what felt like all sides. So when I looked around and it seemed like I was not good enough. And I felt like God didn’t see me as good enough. Because through that struggleI was extremely lonely. So I find myself not stepping out and do what I feel God is calling me to do. Because I’m not sure it’s him calling me to do. Because why me in not adequate.

  • Oh friend. This makes me so sad. I’m so sorry you went through this. I encourage you to try another church. This isn’t how all churches are and what you experienced is a horrific representation of the Gospel. Every person God chooses isn’t qualified. They make think they are but they’re not. We are all in need of a God to rescue us and redeem who we are. I’m so sorry for this, but please don’t give up on the Church. xoxo

  • Sweet Sister, I’m so sorry you were made to feel this way. I was faced with a set of circumstances at a Church as well that made our family feel less than adequate, so I feel your struggles. But know that You are worthy and so loved by God. The enemy likes to sneak in at any given moment to make us feel inferior. If you feel you are being led to serve in some capacity, don’t give up! Sometimes we just have to be still with God to hear where He is leading us. And in the interim, there are Churches online that you can attend and become involved with and learn and grow in Christ. Many Hugs

  • T – I am so sorry this happened to you! I believe with all my heart God wants you and your service is a blessing to Him. I am praying that you will find courage to step back out again.

  • T, I am so sorry that you experienced this. Please know that God loves you and He sees so much potential in you. What He calls you to do is not always easy, and you may face opposition. These things don’t mean that He hasn’t called you. Maybe the timing wasn’t right or He just wants you to trust more on Him, than on what other say. Please spend some time in His presence. Seek Him with your whole heart, and He will speak. And please get back in church. Find a Bible-based church that has a heart for God and a heart for people. Love you, sweet sister!

• I’m so guilty of just ignoring the comparison. I think “I don’t really compare myself to others” but when I push myself to do something hard – a live video for my business, workout at the gym, talk to someone I don’t know – I have that inner voice that says “You aren’t good enough” or “Why would anyone listen to what I have to say” and I realize that THAT is the comparison. Because, you aren’t good enough is the exact same thing as “they” are better than me.
  I have struggled with depression, perfectionism, and feeling bad about myself for a long time. The past few months I have really tried to be more aware of the areas that I’m not being honest with myself. I would never lie to someone else .. so why is it so easy to lie to myself? I feel like I’m on a path that God is currently laying out before me one step at a time and I’m following faith to faith along that path. I don’t want to go back to the numbness of the lies and pray daily for guidance to become a better happier version of myself so that I can put that out in to the world to others.

  • Hi Jessica. What you wrote really felt like you were in my mind. I feel like I’m not good enough on a daily basis. I agree that it is so easy to lie to ourselves. I will never tell anyone they aren’t good enough; why do I insist on saying it to myself?
    But I know in my head that we all are good enough. God created you for such a time as this. The world would be so empty without you in it and He has such an amazing plan for your life!

    I love Psalm 139 and try to read it often.

    I’ll be praying for you.

    Lisl

  • I hear your heart behind your words. I can hear the sorrow in thinking what your offer is not good enough or less than.
    I also hear you telling yourself NO, those lies aren’t true and I want to believe what God says about me, that you are His masterpiece, His workmanship created for good works. You are the bees knees to Him,
    I was reading in a devotional how God never tires of hearing your voice, our voice is His favorite sound and He wants to hear from us. I hope you continue to allow His love to surround you.

• Working through the lies without being defeated definitely needs help from the Lord. Comparison and why her has caused me to stop and reevaluate over the past 5 years. In fact I took a year sabbatical. I had to get my heart and focus back on the why God called me. She may get the title and the flowers. God gets the Glory.

  • I love your last line!!! I am going to remember that!!! Thank you!

• First of all, reading other comments both breaks my heart and also, gives me a little “me too” feeling knowing I’m not alone. I’m pretty much a hot mess. I grew up in a small rural town being the bullied kid that everyone made fun of, and I have carried a lot of that into adulthood always feeling that I’m not good enough. I was hurt very deeply by the women in my church to the point that I stopped going and haven’t been to church in a long time. I have an adult son with issues, and I always feel that everyone else is/was a better parent, and I failed.

  • Michelle, it breaks my heart to picture you being pushed around as a child, and as an adult …and at church! I am just so sorry for the unfair hurt you have endured. You DO matter. You ARE good enough. God knew your son would need you, no one else. My daughter and I both walked away from bullying friendships last year. 7 year friendships. Layers of hurt. I learned that forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation. That I could forgive, but that I was accountable to no one else’s standards but God’s. His heart breaks when we are hurt and hurting. He is concerned about us, and He has a purpose for your life that only YOU can accomplish. Love and hugs, sister!

  • Oh Michelle, Sister, you ARE enough. God blessed you with that child and how they act as an adult has nothing to do with your character. I was not bullied in school, however I was labeled. I carried those labels around for many years. I believed those labels and allowed them to make choices for me. I even relied on those labels to get me out of certain things, I used them as an excuse not to try. You, Michelle, are a Daughter of The One True King. You find a church. He is waiting at the door for you. Do not allow anyone to keep you from a blessing God intended for you. I’ll be praying for you, and for your son. By the way, I have one of those son’s too. Just keep praying for him. Blessings

  • Michelle,

    I was also bullied as a child and all the way up through high school. Things said to me and about me still linger in my mind some days. I am still very critical of myself at times and also feel that I am not “good enough.” I know that hurts God and I am really working on it. I am child of the one true King and He loves me just how I am. He thinks I am wonderful and that is all that matters. I am here to glorify Him, not everyone else. We are all works in progress and as long as we are trying, that is all that matters 🙂 You are worth it and you are loved!

• Hurts hurt. Hurt is probably one of the biggest reasons we compare ourselves to someone else, at least for me it tends to be my biggest reason. But then, I’ve always sort of marched to my own drum, kept out of the way, don’t get in the spotlight, work from the sideline. But that doesn’t protect you from the feelings of “less than”. Surrendering them to God and understanding I was made for my purpose and not her purpose has been a game changer for me, but hurt still hurts.

  • I so agree, Vickie… Hurts hurt. Plain and simple. Surrendering is crucial, and I also believe in spreading kindness. No matter what we are going through or feeling, if we make an effort to say something or do something kind for someone else–it has a natural domino effect that makes us feel better too!

• In the world of suicide loss….comparison is one of the weeds that threatens to choke out any semblance of the garden that existed before. I’m going to get real here …
  I’m a multiple suicide loss person. Last one who left was my dad almost 3 yrs ago. Being widowed I thought would bring me and mom together and closer because of it. It did not. I was cast out and rejected even as I was helping her through those early times of anguish. I knew what she was going to deal with…so I tried to be with her in her pain. Spent months and months of bearing it ..
  With her.
  Put my life aside for her.
  Well it blew apart and got nasty. Codependent ugly.
  She chose my siblings to control instead and cast this Cinderella aside. Needless to say..the bitter roots of that rise up in me. I compare myself to my sister and remaining brother…
  As not wanted. Not valued.
  Not loved.
  It hurts.
  Just give me Jesus.
  Isaiah 61:1-3.
  Threshing floor grace in the grit of His Grace.

  • Hey Mary, I’m so sorry for your fallout with your mom. And I get it! For years I had lived super father away from my family. I eventually moved back thinking it would all work out and we could put our hot mess of a family together and it just hasn’t happened. It’s almost as if they prefer the brokenness and after an attack from my mom, I just had to step back and give it all to Jesus. You know in Cinderella, she’s gets it all in the end and Jesus will turn our ashes into something beautiful. I just prayed for you and your family. I just want to say you are always loved,always wanted and always valued by your Heavenly Poppa! Jesus loves you so much and I know His heart is breaking for yours. You keep going sister. Watch God do His thing and I know it will blow your mind. Ephesians 3:20. Hugs!!

  • Mary, I’m so sorry. Working through the grief process is difficult, but even more so if you can’t grieve with your loved ones. I totally understand the sibling comparison. I lost my “little” sister several years ago and even after all these years I still feel the hurt of comparison. I never measured up to “her greatness” in my father’s eyes. Of course, those are my words/feelings. I’m really not sure how my father truly feels because he just can’t get over her loss. I was constantly feeling not good enough, not smart enough, not you name enough…. I finally came to the conclusion a couple years ago that our relationship was not healthy for me. We haven’t spoken since. I would like to say I’m totally ok with that but sometimes it sneaks up on me and I ask that question of “why her”. Why was she so special and I’m not? Why was it so easy for him to love her and be a huge part of her life and not me? I don’t know those answers and probably never will. But I do know this and need to remind myself all the time…I don’t need my earthly father because I have a heavenly Father that loves me more than anyone on earth ever will or can. If I can remember that and put my trust in Him it lessens the hurt. I trust that the Lord gave me the parents I have for some reason. He knows better than I. Most days it is easier said than done.

    I hope and pray things will get better with family. But until they do know that you are not alone. You are “fearfully and wonderfully made” Psa. 139:14 We are just as God intended us to be and He loves us as no other can.

• I believe that I am loved but the lie is about not being enough or too damaged with too many burdens to actually be soulfully loved. My story is very similar to other special needs mothers-stress, cheating spouse, divorce, single life/single mother, alone and afraid for years. I long for an equally yoked partner who will actually commit deeply, which includes marriage, but who would want the gigantic task of raising, supporting, and protecting two children (now adults) for ever!? My parenting will always be full time; they can’t live without full-time support.
  I believe the lie if I don’t think about it, it will go away, because it still hurts to be not good enough to trust soulful, committed love in the sacrament of marriage. I believe my children have a purpose and as their mother God has a purpose in me and through me.

  • Wow, if you are still here, still breathing, I want to let you know that I am proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other, for loving your children, for being present in the moment and pouring back out to others. I hope you know that you are beautiful, that you are not alone and I pray that your sleep is sweet, so sweet for you tonight.

    • Hi Valerie and thanks for your encouragement. You are correct in that my hope is in all I ever have to do is take the next step and that consistent courage pays off in the end through His Grace and Mercy.
      Have a blessed day.

• The struggle I find myself wrestling with right now is knowing the truth of comparison but struggling to live as though I do. I guess It stems from my own insecurities and lack of confidence but I have always struggled with feeling less than, as a friend, a Mom, a wife etc. Because of that , I struggke to be genuinely happy for others at times. In my heart I want to be but I still find my mind saying “ugh” I wish that was me etc. Social Media has made it much worse for me, so lately I have monitored my time on it and focused more on being present.

  • I struggle with that too at times, having insecurities that stem from childhood. Social media has made comparison so much worse than it used to be. We see the good and the beautiful, but there is always another side we don’t see. We have to remember that no one has a perfect life. We are all so much more than we think we are. God has a purpose for each of us, and He has us where He wants us. You are beautiful, royalty, made in His image, and He loves you.

  • I can so agree. I struggle with being genuinely happy for others as well, especially when they seem to be getting what I’ve been praying for. With social media it does make it so difficult not to compare to all the pretty pictures. However, we need to realize that we don’t always see others whole stories, just like we’re probably glad they don’t see all of our story. Prayers for you!

  • That’s a struggle for me too especially trying to be happy for someone. I was never able to have kids and every time one of my friends is pregnant and having a shower it is so hard for me and I wind up not going most of the time. I’ve learned to be thankful for the things I do have and know that God has a reason. It is still hard though.

• I really compare myself to others with their skills, looks, even the clothes they wear. I constantly compare myself when I hear people are exercising more than I am…At work…people know more than me and there are days I don’t feel as confident. …plus I can’t spell today

  • Lisa, I also compare myself, my looks, my abilities, with others and with my younger self! I was always slim until post-menopause, and now there is extra weight, sags, and wrinkles where I didn’t think you could wrinkle! I look at other women my age and see how I measure up. And then I lose my self-worth. But I remember that I am God’s masterpiece, and I am learning to give myself grace when my clothes don’t fit right, or I have a bad hair day, or my memory gets faulty. God loves you, and you are the only you there is!

• I’m so excited by the new book! I. Need. It. Sigh. I work with a woman that has dropped 100 pounds, she looks great, I’m very happy for her. Why not me? I would love to lose this weight but it’s so hard. Why did it seem so easy for her? Why her? I feel bad comparing, I really am happy for her, I just want it too.

  • Stela I can relate. You watch others and it “seems” so easy for them. The hard realities of losing weight and the work involved can often be overwhelming at times. I know for me, I lost a lot of weight, but I reverted back to old patterns and gained the weight back. I felt like a total failure. Now as I have begun to start taking better care of myself again, it seems even that much harder. But the first step, I believe is to be honest about the problem and then do what we can in this case, to lose weight. I am glad you can be happy for the other women and can be honest about the comparing too. That is a great place to start. Remember your journey is your own. When those comparing thoughts come up, remind yourself who you are in CHRIST. That HE loves you right where you are. Look up and memorize passages that tell of his wondrous love for you. Psalm 139, John 10:10, 2Timothy 1:7 is a great encouraging verse. Stela He is not done with you or me!!I will pray as you continue this hard road of weight loss and being healthy that you persevere and continue to seek your acceptance from the ONE who loves you!

• Sometimes I feel like my biggest failure as a mom is that my son doesn’t believe in God. I did the best I knew how to take him to church & encourage him to believe, but when he was 16, it broke my heart when he informed us he didn’t believe. Recently, someone pointed out that it’s not my failure. If he were a believer, I wouldn’t take the credit… why should I take the blame for his unbelief? I do still pray for him that he’ll find God (and he knows it). And I have asked God to forgive me for any mistakes that I made that may have led to his decision. Other than that, I’m doing my best to leave him in God’s hands.

  • I am currently in a Bible Study and we are discussing how to talk to others about being a Christian. I’ve learned a lot and the book may help you if and when you discuss it with him. The book is called “Why Do You Believe That?” by Mary Jo Sharp. Keep praying!

  • Tara it is so hard when we have brought our children up in church and they choose to take another path. Our oldest has chosen a life that goes against everything he has been taught growing up. At first I kept thinking what did we do wrong, were we not good enough parents, too strict, not strict enough…. I have to remind myself he is an adult and free to make his own decisions. It doesn’t make it any easier because we don’t want to see our children suffer as a result of their decisions. Love them and pray for them and try to be the best example for them.

    Praying something or someone will change your sons mind.

• I struggle with feeling inferior to others who went back to work after having kids. I have been a stay at home mom for 20 years and my youngest is leaving for college in the fall. I honestly don’t have any desire to have a career. I truly love staying home, taking care of my house, taking care of my husband and being a mom, and I feel looked down on because I am a “housewife”. Is that wrong? I have had people tell me “it’s time to find a job, your kids are grown.” I keep very busy all day and I love having time with my husband on the weekends and weeknights. If we both worked, that time would be spent cleaning, shopping, etc…. Why do I let this get to me?

  • Michelle –
    Please know this my sweet sister – you are living out your calling! Not many people can claim that! When we live out our callings we live abundantly and that sure sounds like that is happening in your home and in your life. I

    Don’t let others tell you who you are – You are truly blessed to know what your calling is and to live it out. You are an inspiration and thank you for sharing.

  • No it is not wrong! You need to do what you believe the LORD is calling you to do. I know it can be hard when others feel the need to point out what they think you should do .. I applaud you for knowing what you would like to do as you and your husband become “empty nesters”

  • Michelle, I so admire your dedication to your family! Sounds to me like a God-calling! While my situation is much different, I do understand the comparison regarding career. Learning to be confident in what the Lord has called & equipped us to do? Much easier said than done! Thanks for sharing some of your story! It’s so reassuring to see that we’re not alone in our comparison battle.

  • On what planet is there a rule written that says you have to go to work once you become an empty nester? As long as you and your husband are doing OK, financially, personally, spiritually, then just keep on keepin’ on! If you feel fulfilled by your life, if you don’t yearn to do something or be someone else, if you feel God’s joy in taking care of your home and family, then you are doing EXACTLY what God called you to do. <3 Don't let comparison or the nasty words of others dictate to you. You'd be surprised at how many women REALLY want what you have, no matter what their words say. Stay strong my sweet sister. God will let you know if He wants you to do something different. 🙂

• This week I celebrated a major double-digit birthday (MAJOR)! I’m married and have 5 children, three of which are also celebrating double-digit birthdays this year (LOL!)! So, what do I have to show for it? A degree? A career? Stable finances? College graduates (of my children)? How ’bout “None of the above”… I’m a housewife, mother, private school teacher, and grandmother.

  • Leanna – praise God for the noble tasks you have chosen and devoted your life to. You sound like an amazing woman! I am sure your family has been incredibly blessed by the love and time you’ve devoted to them.

  • I understand! I am a SAHM & when my kids were younger I would often ask myself why am I “only” changing diapers but I have a college degree? Shouldn’t I be doing something more important? But I realized how important taking care of your family really is.

• I used to think I didn’t struggle with the comparison issue, but have come to realize I do. I think social media has made it worse. I have one 12 year old daughter and have always struggled to feel confident and competent as a mom, even though everyone tells me I’m a great mom. Inside I feel like I was totally absent the day God was giving out the mom chips for other women. Also, struggle in comparing myself with other women when it comes to my career. I just started Beth Moore’s study, The Quest, at my church and in the opening chapter she delves into the question of “who told you that?” And if it didn’t come from God then it needs to not be there. ALL of the comparison lies certainly fall in that bucket.

  • Oh LeAnn I am totally with you!! There’s something about parenting a teen girl that makes your perspective spin. There is also something about a well placed ‘who told you that’ in a BIble study (Beth’s words stuck me to the core also). I believe God has called us all to a specific calling and as we all cycle through them it is so important to remember exactly what you said, if it’s not from God then it needs not to be there. The social medica and the enemy will constantly tap us on the shoulder and try to shine doubt into our hearts but God will always replace that doubt with His light, His truth. Shine on Sister and join me in teaching these teen girls that only God defined us, and them too.
    God bless and thank you for sharing!!

• At work…I began this job late in life, and my job duties are not as easy to learn as they may have been earlier in life. And there’s this one woman at work who is my age yet she makes it look sooo easy…

  • Hi Sherrill: You are fabulous you are remarkable and you are wonderfully made. God has given you a special gift. Pray for God to reveal that to you. Write out some affirmations and when you feel that feeling at work recite the affirmations to yourself. God Bless you. ♥️♥️♥️

  • As someone who appears to have it all together at work, i can assure you that your coworker is struggling to maintain her expertise as newer, younger, smarter people enter the work force. You’ve got this and perhaps you’re just the friend your coworker needs!

• I feel me and my kids never match up to my sister in law ‘s family. I feel my mother-in-law looks down her nose at me and my kids, my oldest sister in-law is so obvious about who her favorite neice and nephews are that it truly breaks my heart for my children. They have reached the point where i can no longer cover it up. I try so hard to let my kids know that they have done nothing wrong to deserve being outcasts from their own family. It is so difficult when we all live within 5 miles of each other and the kids go to school together. I have been so upset with God for allowing this to go on even though i know it is not his fault. I just don’t understand why we are treated the way we are. I am so sad by it all.

  • Oh Dawn, I know how heartbreaking this can be and how hard it is to stay stuck in the circumstance of it all. Getting the approval of our loved ones is something we all want but your children have you and God knew and made you to be their mom and that’s something no one else can give them. Loving your family big and not worrying about the rest will break the shackles of comparison and allowing God to take that burden from you and give you peace. I know when I was so desperate for my mom to see me, to love me like she loved my brother, and to accept me for me was not just a burden I placed on myself but it was also a burden I placed on my mom. She was not equipped for that. So I had to totally give it to God and now He’s teaching me just how much I’m loved by Him. I’m already accepted, already loved and already wanted. He’s healing the hurt places. I’m praying that God shows you that you are enough and placed right where you are for such a time as this.

• Oh how the weight thing really hits me right now. She has her weight under control and is close to my age. It’s hard not to talk negative to myself for letting myself go.

  • Oh how I hear you! Weight is such a terrible thing to struggle with. I’m constantly thinking “Why is it so easy for her to lose weight but not me???” “Why do I have to look like this?” “Why can’t people see who I REALLY am?” Sweet sister, don’t lose heart. God loves you and me as we are, and somehow He will help us become who He meant us to be, skinny or not.

  • Yes! Me too. I have this friend across the country and we stay connected via social media and every time she talks about eating healthier or working out, I look at pictures of her to see if she looks better than me. I need to remember that we are both “fearfully and wonderfully made” despite our size.

• I know I have problems with comparison on a daily basis. I am so thankful to be here. I am one of God’s healing miracles and I do thank Him and so glad to be here, but I have damage to organs and can’t walk or do things the way I use to. I find myself comparing myself to those wives who can keep the house immaculate.. cook dinner.. run errands etc.. some days when I wake up.. it’s a blessing I get out of bed with the pain and tiredness.. so if I can get dressed and pick up after myself I am doing great.. then I see a post or hear about a gourmet meal or something “she” did and I think to myself, “my husband deserves a wife who can do this.. can go on an adventure at the drop of a hat, ( like we use to), or simply be able to stay awake all day…” Now mind you, my husband NEVER ever complains.. I am so blessed he steps right up and does whatever I can’t.. cooks, cleans, and if I can’t go on the adventure.. sits in his recliner next to mine and binge watches “House” or “Lost” or whatever we decide is our fun adventure and we do it together… He has and does tell me he is so happy with our life and so thankful for “us”… so all those thoughts are lies from the enemy.. and I have to fight them daily.. learn more truths from God to knock him down…

  • Lana,
    Wow! Thank you for sharing your story! It is so easy to focus on the negative things going on in our lives, especially when our circumstances are not so great, but you are singing praises for being alive and having a fantastic husband who sounds like a knight in shining armor! Keep fighting the battle! Hang in there! God promises to be with you always; He will never leave your side! Continue to give thanks for all that is praiseworthy in your life. I am thankful that you recognize the enemy’s lies because he is out to kill, steal, and destroy us. Keep looking up to the Father!

    • Lana, thank you for sharing your heart about your struggle in your physical health. I struggle with autoimmune issues caused my many health issues from my 20’s, and many surgeries trying to have a child. My struggle with being tired easily, osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, keep me moving slowly with housework, and keeping up with friends many times. I can understand and relate to wanting to do more and for longer periods, but know that you are loved and cared for, and your family lives you! Thank you for sharing here with us! Kimberly

• Even though we are further along in the chapters reading, I keep coming back to the first chapter, ‘ Have I ever been in a place of collision between dreams, plans, and reality’. This makes my heart hurt just thinking it, let alone, saying it out loud.~ I don’t usually talk about this to ANYONE except my Mom, or my best friend,…and even then it’s a stumble-through tears talk. We are supposed to be safe here, and honest, so here goes a very uneasy ‘honest’ confession of comparison. I feel like I’m opening myself up to ‘microscope’ looking here….but….– I always planned on being a ‘mommy’ and homemaker. I wanted lots of kids, and a full, loving, noise filled house with a husband who loved me, kids to raise and all the ‘family pics’ that go on through the years. I was ‘planning’ that life in my ‘dream marriage’, when I began having all the trouble that my doctor suspected may occur in my mid-teens. I had endometriosis that was spreading so fast and attaching itself all over my insides, that I had to have surgery to help ‘clean out’ and hopefully be able to have kids. At that time, the man I had planned to spend my life with was ‘all for’ standing by me while I went through these surgeries and treatments…and there were MANY. Too many, in fact. I was putting myself, and my body, through so much to try to have kids. It caused me further health problems and many hospitalizations. — Long story short….I got dumped….left by the man who said he loved me, and would even consider adoption….Well, I was told I was not a real woman if I couldn’t give him children of ‘his own’ blood. I was of no use to him if I could not give him children. – Well, in my 20’s and dumped, those words stuck to me like a permanent glue most of my life, meanwhile all ‘our’ friends, and my friends, were having babies left and right (whether they were ready or not!), and the ‘why her’ was rolling down my face in what felt like puddles of tears for MANY years. His words followed me for years…’I’m not good enough because I can’t have a child.’ My friends were having kids, wonderful families and homes, and I was ‘single again’ and seeing pictures of families all over the place. – Again, LONG story short, it took years for me to realize I was important to God, and loved by God, whether I had my own children or not. That was not what defined me as a woman. – MANY years later, married, and being very involved with my niece and nephew as they were born and grew up, and working with kids in church, my heart has been ‘loved’ by kids in many ways. ……However….I have to be honest….when I see family photos at special occasions, school pics, graduation pics, Mom’s and Dads sharing all over their family pictures, my heart still feels a deep ‘wonder’ at what my own children would have looked like, even beautiful adopted children, or what kind of family pics I could be sharing, if I had been able to have kids. Sometimes it’s still a ‘why her’ struggle in my heart, and a comparison, even though it’s no longer a feeling that God didn’t think I’d be a good mother….I know God loves me and the reasons are not what drive me anymore…..but the ‘collision’ with dreams, plans, and reality’….and the ‘why her’ still hit me hard from time to time. ~~ So sorry to be SO long,….but this is an ‘honesty’ confession that I never share much because I don’t want to be judged or pitied….but this is what we’re doing in this book and study…..’Why Her’… Thanks for reading all this teary eyed mess!! ????

  • Dear Kimberly… I cried for you…I have walked in similar shoes, but not your shoes and therefore do not know the right words to say… and really if there are any to say. Except to say He sees your heart, He knows your plans (wouldn’t it be nice if He made them a little more obvious at times though), He counts your tears, He calls you His child. His ways are beyond what we will ever know. Hold onto the promises… hold onto them tight. I will pray for peace, for wisdom, and for you to feel His loving arms so tightly around you as you a your plans clash with His.

  • Hi Kimberly. I want you to know that someone “listened” to your story and understands how difficult that is to share with others. It’s hard to understand why God chooses a path for us that is different than our dreams. And as much as we can remind ourselves regularly that He knows best there are still those moments that can sneak up on us to ask that Why Her? Or why not me? question.

    “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11

    Thank you for sharing!

• Comparison is the thief of joy. I have to remind myself EVERY DAY that I am good enough. And that however long it takes me to get to my goal or my dreams, the champagne still tastes the same at the end! Yes, life is hard and we have so much thrown at us. Really enjoying this book because it encourages me to dig deeper into who I am.

• I need some encouragement. I adopted a small chihuahua this afternoon and when I was in the pet store with is foster mom, we were great together. When I go home, he growls every time I come near him. He barks and tries to bite me. After a while I got him in his crate but when I go near the crate he growls and barks. I haven’t had a dog in 30 years and I am scared. I raise my voice at him and may be that was the problem.
  I have been planning this for the last several years.
  He is 3 years old and he is a rescue. I have set up a pen to confine him but I am wondering if he will like me again.

• There are so many comments (which is wonderful!), and unfortunately I don’t have time to read every single one, so I don’t know if anyone can relate to what I’m about to share. But here goes anyway….
  I am 38 years old. My husband and I have been married for over 7 years. I have a beautiful 15 year old stepdaughter who is the product of my husband’s first marriage. I love her with all my heart. I honestly don’t believe I would love her any more than if I had given birth to her. We have a great relationship. Her Mom goes to work super early, so she comes to our house every morning to get ready for school and get a ride to school. My husband is already at work by then, so it’s just the two of us. We talk about everything and nothing the whole time while she is putting on her makeup and fixing her hair. Sounds amazing, right? Yeah, it is. Except for one thing. She’s not mine and she’s never going to call me “Mom”. I’ve been part of her life for more than half of it, but I’m JUST the stepmom. I am so desperate to hear a little voice say “mommy” and know that it’s directed at me. I am so desperate to feel that mother-and-child bond. All around me, women are pushing out babies left and right. Unmarried teenage girls. Women giving birth to honeymoon conceptions. Women giving birth to their second, third, or even fourth child. And I think to myself “That girl is just a baby herself! How is she going to take care of that baby? Phillip and I are stable and solid. We would be good parents. Why, God? Why can’t I have a baby?” Or I think “Seriously? You got pregnant on your honeymoon?! I didn’t even have a honeymoon! Phillip and I have been trying for SEVEN YEARS. Why, God? Why can’t I have a baby?” Or I think “Why do they get to have baby after baby, God? I would be content with just one. One tiny little life that proves that I am a woman and seals the bond with my husband forever. Why, God?” Every month when I’m in the checkout lane at Wal-mart buying yet another box of tampons while the woman ahead of me or the woman in the lane next to me is buying diapers or formula, or worse yet has an infant in the cart with her, I think “Why her, God? Why does she deserve a baby and I don’t?”. I have gone the “Your will, not mine” route, too. I have begged God that if it is not His will for me to be a mother, that He would remove the desire from my heart. But it’s still there. And my womb and arms are still empty. It doesn’t affect my husband in the slightest, other than when I have a meltdown. Then he feels bad for me and comforts me as best he can. But it doesn’t rip at his soul. He has a daughter. He gets to be called “Daddy”. He’s experienced the joys of fatherhood. A child with me would be great, but he’s not going to be devastated if it never happens. And knowing that just makes me feel even more alone. Anyway, sorry for the extremely long post. I have no idea what possessed me to write so much.

• I tend to struggle with comparing myself with how I look to other women. My day can sometimes be filled with anxiety because I focus on the way I look in an outfit rather than focusing on the task ahead. I carry these negative thoughts and fearing that I don’t measure up to the standard I should be. But the verse you shared was such a great reminder that we are called to live in freedom, not in fear.

  Thank you for sharing!