This isn’t going to be an easy blog to write. Several of you have asked this question, so I thought it would be good for me to publicly acknowledge it:
What is happening with your book idea?
And the simple answer to that is: nothing. The more complicated answer is: a lot.
I’ve been so hesitant to write this post because I have to be honest and share that I’ve come to discover there’s a lot of ugliness that comes in the world of publishing. From authors, wannabe authors, publisher’s, agents and everyone in-between there are a lot of ugly people out there. And I realize that there is probably someone reading this right now saying in their mind, “Ha ha, see I knew you wouldn’t get published.”
I’m just keeping it real. There are really people out there like that…and I have met them.
Sometimes, I feel like we are all in the second grade.
The complicated truth of the matter is, I haven’t given up the message. I have however given up the power struggle that comes with trying to get a book published. It will drive you crazy.
-Agents promising to get back to you in two weeks and you never hear from them.
-Publisher’s and agents giving you a reason for denial that only includes the word: platform [you have NO idea how much I loathe that word].
-You can start to question everything you’ve ever heard from God.
And I know, everyone thinks they are different. I did too. But the publishing process started to define me. And that scared me.
Because the only thing I ever want to define me is: Jesus.
I don’t want people to look at me and say, “Oh there’s that girl…still trying to get published.” I want people to be able to look at me and say, “Oh, there’s that wild about Jesus girl!”
In our lives there are always going to be those areas that struggle to win that place in our hearts that only Jesus should ever fill.
-Money
-Friends/Relationships
-Power
-Acknowledgement
-Fear
-Careers
It is so dangerous. Even in ministry. Those good things -like wanting to help people with our stories- can really become an idol.
The messages that God gives each of us to share are powerful. And it doesn’t take a book or a platform to share what God has done in your life.
Can I tell you that over the past three months I have told my story more one-on-one than I ever have? And its just as big of an impact for one person to hear it and experience the life-change that I’ve had than it is for an entire book/blog/magazine audience.
No one can ever tell you that what God has done in your life isn’t powerful. And the gratitude that we have towards God for all He’s done for us is even more powerful.
It is!
And you [and I] should never stop telling people about the power of God.
While I still desire to one day be able to take all these layers of my soul and put it to words on paper, I know this much, I will never stop taking people to the deepest place of my soul…to Jesus. Never. He is everything to me. He defines me. He saved me from a life of guilt, shame and condemnation.
Though I may constantly teeter on the power edge –He is the rock beneath my feet. And when you trust Jesus, you have to give up power. Not easy, but something I’m leaning more towards every day.
Complete surrender for me can be summoned up in these powerful words:
Psalm 40:16-17 [MSG]
16-17 But all who are hunting for you—
oh, let them sing and be happy.
Let those who know what you’re all about
tell the world you’re great and not quitting.
And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.
You can do it; you’ve got what it takes—
but God, don’t put it off.
I don’t know exactly where Jesus will take me over the next years of my life. But I’m excited and I’m ready, available and willing to go wherever He needs me to go. I’ve given up the power struggle to submit to the vision that He has for my life.
I’m ready to change this world for His name in whatever ways He asks…book or no book.
The End.
[Congrats to Vickie Hooks! This last week’s Free and Fun Friday winner. Please email me your address so I can ship your awesome kit to you: nickikoziarz@yahoo.com]
18 Comments
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Nicki, This is a great post and a good reminder for me, as well. I stay so busy during the day chasing whatever it is I’m chasing as far as my business goes and then I’ll wake up in the middle of the day and think, “What did I do that mattered today? Did I play w/ my kids enough? Did I spend time with God?” It’s hard to keep things in perspective when the world is telling you that everything else is more important.
Anyway, thanks for the post. Hope you have a great week.
Emily
Emily thanks so much for sharing that…I struggle a lot with finding that balance. You are an amazing woman and the Lord is using you, greatly :), in the world of decorating…He’s into that too! 🙂 You inspire me and I’m so glad to know you.
“It is so dangerous. Even in ministry. Those good things -like wanting to help people with our stories- can really become an idol.” Oh, my. SO. TRUE.
You encourage me, Nicki. Cause the stuff He has to tell your heart, He so has to tell my heart, too. This whole blog/magazine/maybe some day a book, Lord? thing can get so CRAZY.
But you are so right. Then I have to stop. And I remember WHY I want to share Him…because He is the GREATEST thing that has EVER happened to me and I want others to know Him. And I remember that HE is in control, and He DOES want to use me, and I was created by Him and for Him and to bring glory to His name. But He has to be first…and if a book is part of His plans for me, He can totally make a way where there seems to be no way. (Hey…who needs to publish a book when I can leave you one here. 😉 )
Anyways, I love those verses. I, too, am a mess. A mess who will keep surrendering her heart and her dreams, and who will keep trusting that I AM doing great and mighty things for Him even now…with my girls, in my church, and wherever He leads me to love one person at a time. 🙂
So glad our hearts are safe with Him.
Thanks for the encouragement,
K
Kim, I connect with you too. I think we do have a lot of the same struggles/victories in this process. I love that you are a mess too. 🙂 You keep surrendering yourself to Him and I can’t wait to see where He takes you! You are very right…our hearts are safe with Him, thank goodness!!
You are beautiful…and REAL…and full of Jesus! And thats why I love you! I come here and know God is speaking boldly and truthfully…and I leave here knowing He gets me and thats all that matters. You have a beautiful ministry…and don’t for a second stop being YOU!!!
Nichole you are always such a blessing to me. Thank you for your constant encouragement! You are a beautiful woman and I LOVE to see what God is doing in you and through you!!
He is definitely using you! And His story for you has so many more chapters yet to be written. It is exciting to see where He will lead! Your words encourage me, friend. Keep on writing!!! Blessings!
Terri, you are right…there are so many more chapters to still write. 🙂 Thanks for the love!! You are an encouragement to me too!
You’ve probably heard this suggestion already, but in case you haven’t, have you tried http://www.artbookbindery.com? (That’s Michael & Darlene Schacht’s publishing company. I think you’re familiar with her, but if you’re not, she was the former editor of Christian Women Online magazine and now has a new blog, http://www.time-warp-wife.blogspot.com) Or have you considered publishing it in e-book form? That should eliminate any and all UGLY-PEOPLE involvement!!
Tammi, I have not checked them out yet, I will though! Thanks for sharing that.
I have never met you but I love you!!
I’m sure God has sent me some personal messages that came from your special words.
I am so thankful for your blog – accepting God’s timing, mothers getting older, kids in public school…and your honesty on all God has taken you through.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels invisible AT CHURCH (!!) but I am challenged by you to spend more time with a couple of people that God put around me and be more open with them.
Susan, I love you to! 🙂 So thankful for your words of encouragement and praising the Lord that you feel challenged. And no, feeling invisible is not just you. I could write a million blogs on that one…praying that you will press forward and do great things through the opportunities that He has given you with these people that God has put around you.
Hello Nicki!
WOW! I am so glad you shared this. Its AWESOME to always see you be REAL. AUTHENTIC. AND YOU! I appreciate that so much about you even though we have never met. It is truly encouraging, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to read this toad.
I myself am a young aspiring writer (currently pursing my bas in English/professional writing and ba in journalism). I just started really researching publishing etc., because I too have felt a calling on my life to share my stories, struggles, fears, trials, learning experiences, etc. with others- specifically young women/teens. I was somewhat discouraged(ok, honestly a lot, like a “God how in the world would this even ever happen moment” because I truly felt like I had NO CLUE where to begin or what to do (any advice or REAL suggestions would be great, knowing that you will be honest and true!;) ).
I have been encouraged in other ways, and just like you said about your opportunities to share individually lately has been just as big of an impact, I too have found myself being presented with these situations. And WOW!
I am still called to share my stories, etc. and the love of Christ and what things God has done in my life no matter how that looks-whether it be in a blog, book, with a youth a church, or someone I meet. I am called to share and I need to trust God has everything figured out, although I may not see it now or understand it. I am soooooooooooooooo thankful that he has it figured out since I don’t.
THANK YOU GIRL for being real, authentic, and YOU! YOU ROCK!
😉
-Kristen Marie
Hi Kristen, thanks so much for stopping by and sharing this comment! First, I am so excited that you feel called into writing and sharing your story! The greatest piece of advice I could offer you would be to attend a writer’s conference. Proverbs 31 has a great one called She Speaks and its a great opportunity to meet with publisher’s just to begin working through feedback. But there are tons’s of writer’s conferences. If you do a google search you should find lot’s. 🙂 Also, I recommend just starting to connect with other writer’s and agents on twitter and blogs. There’s a TON of resources out there to help you get going. And if I can help you in any other way please let me know, I’d be happy to!
I enjoy reading your blog. I would love to hear more of your story, knowing that I probably will never meet you in person. And now for a couple verses I hope speak to you:
“Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” -James 1:12
“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up dissension in the community.” -Proverbs 6:16-19 (What those people said or implied by their facial expressions is not okay.)
Hi Julie, I have told bits and pieces of my story on the blog but maybe one day will write the whole thing out. 🙂 It’s a little long for a blog post though. Hence the book idea. ha! 🙂 Thanks for sharing those scriptures! Taking them in today.
Nicki, this blog post was a huge encouragement to me. I presented my book to a publishing company at She Speaks this year, and it’s been really discouraging not hearing anything back so far. People have been praying for me all along this journey and now they are continually asking if I’ve heard anything yet. Though I can’t blame them for asking, I find it hard not to get irritated. And I loathe the word “platform” too. One, I haven’t been alive long enough to build a platform. And two, how does a girl build a platform if you won’t give her room to build? Anyway, thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone in this battle, and that I can still use my gift whether a publisher takes notice or not.
FRIEND! Are you living in my heart? Cause this post, I could’ve written it. Recently the Lord spoke painfully clearly to me that I needed to stop striving. Period. Trying to make myself marketable, worrying about how many comments I receive on my blog, killing myself to do everything right, setting my soul down in front to total strangers and awaiting their pronouncement of judgement, having people tell me I’m not good enough and others tell me I’m fabulous and not knowing who to believe (probably neither) left me exhausted. And completely tied up in other people’s opinions of me. In the most gentle, but clear way, my wonderful Savior reminded me of something I had forgotten. HE is in charge. Of agents who think they are (and, to be fair, those who look to Him), publishers who can be snarky (and others who are kind), and people who have been in the business so long that they forget that us nobody’s have feelings.
So I let it all go. All of it. I backed out of a contract offer that wasn’t what I believe the Lord wants me to do with my message. Social Media is an afterthought where before it was driving my every thought. And I’m writing (in my opinion) more closely to my heart and my style and it feels and reads better than ever! I’ve NEVER been more at peace in my writing and in the waiting than I am now. No more striving. Believing wholeheartedly that if God intends for me to be published HE will bring it to me when HE is ready and the message is right. And if He never does? I’m SO very ok with that too. No more trembling before “the powers that be” with my dream clutched close to my heart praying they’ll like me. The God of the universe calls me His Beloved. And that’s enough for me.
Love you more every time I read here friend,
Brooke
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