Happy Friday friends! I’m so excited today to introduce you to an amazing lady named Erin Bishop! She is the founder of The Whatever Girls ministry and I just LOVE the work she is doing with this generation. She also has a really important message for us mommas here on the blog today.
And … there’s a SWEET giveaway at the end. Literally. Sweet. 🙂
Here’s Erin …
The Gift Your Daughter Really Needs
My baby girl graduates this year. My eyes fill with tears at the thought of this.
My sidekick. My Netflix binging, Diet Coke drinking, Target shopping, fellow cat loving companion.
She’ll be gone soon, and I’m not ready.
From the time my daughter was about three years old, we have had regular mother daughter dates. Many a Friday night we sprawled out in our sleeping bags in front of the television sharing a pizza while watching a movie. And there was always ice cream involved!
As the years moved along and she made friends and got involved with activities, our dates became less frequent. But they were still a priority, and still are today, even though she’s nearly eighteen.
It’s no surprise to me that “quality time” is my daughter’s primary love language. I credit our intentional time together for her willingness to approach me, and our ability to have open and honest conversations.
However, there have been times my priorities have gotten off track and I have allowed my activities or my growing ministry to take precedence over spending time with my kids. My primary love language is “words of affirmation”; so positive feedback from ministry work would fill me up and distract me from meeting my children’s needs to connect with me.
A few years ago my wake up call came when my daughter asked if she could talk to me. She sat opposite me and said, “Mom, sometimes I feel like you care more about your phone and computer than me.”
My heart broke, and so did my pride.
The ministry work I was doing was for her and other girls. It was important to me. Couldn’t she see that?
What I didn’t see is that the girl who really needed me-the girl God entrusted me to raise, was right in front of me, crying out for me to be present in my time with her.
That was a painful and humbling lesson for me, but I am so grateful my daughter, Grace, had the courage to share her heart with me.
Sweet moms, our time is a gift, which we must spend, and invest wisely. Intentional, distraction free, eyeball-to-eyeball, heart to heart time with our daughters creates relational equity and clout. To our daughters, this relational equity and clout looks like trust, love, acceptance, availability, interest, and security.
Oh how I wish I could cup your face in my hands and gently convey to you just how short this season of motherhood is, and give you an encouraging hug and send you on your way.
But since I can’t do that, I will instead send you and your girl out on an ice cream date (or two) at Cold Stone with a $25 gift card I am giving away here on Nicki’s blog!
And if you’re not a mom to a girl, you can enter to win too and give the gift of time to someone you love!
To enter leave a comment here on the blog sharing a specific way how you can give the gift of time to someone you love this Christmas.
Another gift you can give your daughter are your heartfelt, intentional prayers. I invite you to join me for the Whatever Girls #WhenMomsPray prayer challenge and private prayer community. Click HERE for more information.
Connect with Erin:
Website: http://thewhatevergirls.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewhatevergirls/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/_whatevergirls
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WhateverGirls/
64 Comments
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I really messed up in this area when my now 35 year old daughter was young and I am paying the consequences of that now-please, I beg you ladies don’t let other things draw you away. This time is fleeting and precious! I am thankful that I am a new creation and while my daughter is not in my life now, by her choice, I still pray for her to reconcile with Jesus. I fear for her eternity.
While they don’t take my daughter’s place-God has put some amazing young women in my life and for that I am very grateful!!
Nancy, thank you for sharing your heart and your regrets. I am praying for your daughter to come to know Jesus, and that your relationship with her would be restored and that you will be able to make up for lost time. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.
My heart is preparing for my youngest daughter to be wed this summer. My older daughter ,and her 2 daughters, arrived from Nevada to spend this past weekend finding her wedding dress. She found a dress…and we celebrated! Yes, ice cream was part of our weekend! We had family game night/ice cream on Fridays as our 4 children grew up. God embraces my heart as I watch them grow into a wife/mommy and see them making intentional time to nurture their faith and family.
I am hoping to receive a call from one of our young moms at church to watch their small child(ren) as they finish any Christmas preparations. I was blessed with others who made themselves available when my children were young. I intend to give in the same way to other families who don’t have their immediate families living closeby to help. I love the time spent with their toddlers, remembering sweet moments with my own!
How can we each be a blessing to someone, big or small, this Christmas?!!
Sara, it sounds like there is a lot of special memories being made, even now, with your girls. What a blessing to have your girls together and to be able to spend time with your granddaughters, too. Thank you for being available to other young women, too. It is so important that we never stop investing in the lives of others. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
My daughter is a junior in high school. Where did the years go? It seems like she was just starting school yesterday. I need to take time to just be with her. We don’t need to do anything special just be together. Watching old TV shows or painting our nails or baking cookies. It’s the normal everyday things that seem to make the sweetest memories.
Julie, you are so right. Our time together doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive. The normal, every day things are what count the most, and who we will be remembered as. Yes, the time goes by so quickly. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
With life so busy, the only time I can connect with my adult daughter now is to invite her to lunch and sit eye ball to eye ball. I would do so many things differently if I could go back. Take time now and make your children your priorities! She loves Coldstone ice cream!!!
Marie, thank you for sharing. That is wonderful you are still making time for her, even in the midst of her busy schedule. Time together is the greatest gift, no matter our age. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
I know time is very precious and you should stop and make time for your friends even if it is only thirty minutes and tell them you love and appreciate them . I know this because one of my friend went to be with Jesus and that is how quickly things can change. I will miss her more than words can express.
Donna, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, and grateful to hear she is with Jesus. What a comfort that knowledge is. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
My mom was always so good at spending time with me doing fun things, practical things, learning, things… I am an adult now and struggle when she is so busy taking care of others to lavish time and attention on me. As a grownup, I pray i can be over it and know how blessed I am to have such a giving mama! She deserves a treat.
Thank you for sharing, Amanda. It sounds like your mother is a very giving and intentional person. Such wonderful memories you have! Praying that you and her will again connect more regularly and enjoy many new memories together. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
Such a great post! Perfect for me right now… I have a 15 year old daughter… I love when she comes to say good night and we just chit chat before bed. Even though I’m pooped, I cherish that time. Thank for the reminder to be intentional with the very short time we’re given ?
Melissa, you are so wise to spend the time, even when you are exhausted, to listen to your daughter. I have found it lays the foundation for great communication, conversations and trust as the years go by. Your daughter is blessed to have such an intentional mother! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
I can spend time sitting with a family member in the nursing home and I don’t get much time with her anymore since she is not close by anymore. I love listening to the stories of long ago.
Debbie, listening to stories of long ago are my favorite. What a blessing it is to learn about our loved ones through stories! You are so kind to devote you time to being at the nursing home. Nursing homes can be very lonely places, especially around the holidays. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
While I don’t have a daughter, your words still touched me to my soul. You see, I have a son who is graduating this year. He too will be leaving me to go to college in a few short months. The time between now and then is so precious. And, truthfully, my time is the best thing I can give to him right now. How terrifying it is to think of sending him out into this world. Without me. My prayer is that he will always know that I am here for him and remember the truths that we have worked so hard to in instill in him all these years. I would love to win the gift card to have an ice cream date with my boy. We love ice cream too!!
Lisa, thank you for sharing! Sending you an understanding hug across the miles. It is scary, and so hard to let go, isn’t it? I never knew it would be so hard. A dear friend reminded me recently that the safest place for our kids to be is in the middle of God’s Will. While I believe that with my whole heart, it’s hard, isn’t it? Praying for your time with your son to slow down in these months ahead. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
I try to always to be in the moment and do things with my sons. I like most of,the things they like so I play video games,with them and make things with them. I try to be a good listener when they want to talk and enjoy every moment I have with them. They are now 16 and 20 and still at home but I know it won’t be long before they are,out,on their own. Every moment is precious.
Debbie, good for you. Making intentional time and doing the things they enjoy doing is a great way to build equity and make lasting memories. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
Erin I love what you wrote. You are such an awesome mom and Grace is one lucky young lady. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas my friend. I am so blessed to be a contributor for the Whatever Girls and I pray that God uses your ministry to really touch the hearts of many.
Kim, thank you so much. You honor me with your kind words and it is a blessing for me to have you on my team. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, sweet friend!
What a special, touching article. Our son’s love language is quality time and I am very convicted and saddened that I have placed ministry or others before him. This is a reminder for me to be intentional about making time for him.
Thank you for such a loving, timely post as spending this season together is about our focus on placing Jesus first in our lives and showing love to others as He would. That will be my plan: to spend quality time, not so many gifts with my husband and son.
Sweet Blessings and Merry CHRISTmas to you.
Donna, thank you so much for sharing your heart. So grateful that we have time remaining to make the moments count. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!
We have our first baby on the way and one of the things we have already been talking about is time with both of us individually…whether it’s a boy or girl. One of my husband’s fondest memories with his dad was going to take the trash to the dump {weird I know!} but then they would go and get ice cream together! Even now as we prepare and are busy with several things, we are making the point to have family dates and last week we went to Cold Stone for my first time ever!!! I would definitely welcome a return visit! 🙂
Sarah, congratulations! Welcoming a new baby is such a precious gift. Your son or daughter is blessed that you and your husband are already thinking ahead. I was a single mother for the first three years of my daughter’s life, and we had a lot of time to bond and make special memories, even at her young age.
I love the special memory from your husband. One of my favorite memories as a kid was going to the dump with my dad. It was so fun to sit up in the cab of the truck with him and watch him unload the yard waste and whatever else he was getting rid of, into the big pile of garbage. Afterwards we would stop at the Circle K gas station and get a soda and a candy bar. It’s those simple, every day (or occasional) rituals that will be cherished for years to come. Wishing you blessings and health as you prepare for your sweet one. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
My girls are eleven and seven, and I know how precious time with them is. With that being said, there have been times that I have let other things distract me from them. This just happened the other day actually. My older daughter was telling me about her day and I was distracted by work and I could tell that she was upset. So I wrote her a letter that evening and apologized and let her know that I loved her and that I would work on not being distracted. This is something I need to be intentional about, so they always know I am there for them. Thank you for your post. This makes me feel like I am not alone.
God Bless,
~Johanna
Johanna, you are definitely not alone in this. There are many distractions, often important things, pulling us in other directions. Your authenticity and vulnerability in your letter will be a gift for your daughter! Thanks so much for reading! Merry Christmas!
This year my family is the way my family is giving the gift of time to someone we love this Christmas is buy helping a sweet college girl we know get home for Christmas. We are packing her up this weekend and driving her home. A sweet surprise for her mom who is quite ill. Erin your story touched me as I had a similar experience this week. I have my work schedule arranged so I can pick my 12yr old daughter from school everyday. It has been super busy at work. I knew ahead of time I would not be able to pick her up this week. I arranged for my oldest to pick her during this time. Wednesday night she snuggled up next to me on the couch and started crying. When I asked her what was wrong she said: “I miss my mom time. Every day you pick me up and ask me how my day was.” It is the little daily touch points that mean the most. Christmas is about the gift of time at our house. For several years our gifts are not material things, but things we can do together. For instance this Christmas morning we are all getting up early and going to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. We purchase things like passes for the local trampoline park, tickets to upcoming concerts or shows. Every year we always buy a new board game for the family. Saturday nights we turn off the electronics, phones, devices and play a board game.
Kelly, thanks for sharing. I love the idea of giving the gift of time to your family on Christmas. Our kids, even if they don’t say it, want routine and love having us around. Enjoy Star Wars!! Merry Christmas!
My six year old son cuddle in his bed at night and read Christmas stories during this season of the year. It is a very special time for us.
Kathleen, that is so sweet! I love cuddling up and reading with my kids. Such a special memory! Merry Christmas!
By spending using your wording ‘quality time’ with her …
Let her know she is important to someone …
Not a mistake that happened to be …
Thanks so much for reading, Kay! Merry Christmas!
My 13 yo daughter LOVES playing games – she’d rather do that than watch a movie. I admit that as a mom I’m just tired! So I will always default to more passive activities (like movies). But I commit to spending more time playing games with my girl in the new year, as well as regular mother/daughter dates out!
Lisa, I am more a movie person, too. But when we do actually play games, I do enjoy it. So great that you do things your daughter likes to do. That is sending her the message she is important. Way to go! Merry Christmas!
My daughter is 16 and will be leaving home way too soon! I’m spending as much time as possible with her!!
Good for you, Sandy! The time does go by so fast! Merry Christmas!
My daughter is older but we used to go shopping together. I spent time with my career and things seemed ok but not she is always busy. Now my youngest granddaughter and I do things together. We cook, shop and do artsy stuff.
It really is important to do things together. As you both get older, things come around in a circle.
Kay, how wonderful you are able to do those things with your granddaughter! That is a very special bond, too! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
My daughter and I try to travel together, now that she is older she wants to visit all the MLS stadiums in the US and Canada so we try to do one a year.
San Jose CA, is out next adventure.
Janet, that is so COOL! What great adventures you must have, and lots of special memories! Merry Christmas!
Giving my sister the gift of time – since 11/11/15 she has been primary care giver for our mother – I have only been able to help on weekends due to the distance I live from them…Normally I don’t get but Christmas eve off due to the end of year workload at our firm. This year I am taking extra days to give my sister some time off – or time to be caddy corner at her home getting ready for her grandkids and Christmas at her home. Benefit for me is spending time with my 92 year old mother!
Ann, that is so thoughtful of you! Praying your time with your mother is a very special time-what a gift. Merry Christmas!
We like to read to each other! What a great bunch of ladies on here. I hope we all keep growing and growing in this.
Jenny, thank you for reading and commenting. Reading together is such a fun way to spend time together! Merry Christmas!
This is a wonderful lesson. so many times we don’t even realize we are on our phones so much. I do the same thing with my husband. My husband loves to go to thrift Stores. I try on the weekend to run to the stores with him and I do minimal time on my phone. it has helped us a lot and then I can get my computer stuff done. Merry Christmas everyone and Thank you Nikki for your time with us.
Pam
Pam, you are so right about not always being aware that we are on our phones. I think it’s such a habit that we do without thinking. Merry Christmas!
Thank you for this reminder…Now that my girls are out of the house I am intentiinally searching for ways to connect with them, and ice cream is always welcome!
Anne, thank you for reading and commenting. I need to start thinking of ways to connect with my daughter when she’s at college next year! Merry Christmas!
As a single mom with 3 young children most of my time was spent running from one activity to another. I tried to make sure that every night all three got a back rub and song as they went to sleep.
They are all grown now but we all talk about the back rubs and songs.
Your story is a great reminder to really focus on children as they grow all to quickly!
Thanks for the chance to win the yummy treat card!
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Alana, thank you so much for sharing. How wonderful that your kids remember and cherish those special memories. Merry Christmas!
I think since I have three kiddos, my gift of time and attention will be the very best gift I can give them even in the hustle and bustle of all this Holiday season.
You are so right, Johanna, and it can be as simple as taking time out of your day to make hot chocolate and drink it with one of your kids, or reading a book together or watching your favorite Christmas movie. Merry Christmas!
Spending time with my daughter is a struggle. Not that material things get in the way but our daughter doesn’t seem like she wants to hang around us. She would rather be off with friends and their family. I know this is somewhat normal but then we feel like we have to make her spend time with us. And then we try to have conversations with her about her sports activities, school classes, or college she then seems to get defensive and our conversations turn ugly. So then we are on egg shells as to what to talk about it so she doesn’t shut down. Struggling parents.
Missy, I think the spending time with friends and their families is normal from time to time. Maybe some intentional activities like mandatory family dinner and game night once a week would help loosen things up? Praying that God would give you opportunities to connect with her. Sometimes it takes more time and work than we think, and it’s normal to get discouraged. Praying for you! Merry Christmas!
My daughter and I spend a couple of afternoons just chilling out from the holiday bustle and we talk about life. i’m a single mom so time is hard for me because I’ve always been responsible for getting her and her brother to this event or that. I also try to find an evening to get my college boy out of the house and shopping with me…actually just hanging out. He doesn’t shop but it does him good to get out of the house – he is my shy child so he needs this extra one on one. I let him just talk about the newest Youtube video or class. All this is good bonding with both my kids.
Sherri, that is terrific bonding time with your kids! Merry Christmas!
I can…will…give the gift of my time to my own daughter. We are in a blended family and the other kids require more hands on time and sometimes my daughter doesn’t feel I’m giving her adequate time. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Diane. That is great your daughter shares that she needs more time with you. Merry Christmas!
The best time spent with my college age daughter is going to lunch or having a movie night to just catch up and enjoy each other’s company. Those days are few and far between since she is in school and working as well. Our daughters are precious gifts, hanks for the reminder!
Thanks for sharing, Rhonda. The time is so precious, and I think it’s great you and your daughter make time, even though she is in college. Happy New Year!
Yes!!!! being that time is my love language I very much appreciate those mommy daughter dates! stumbled upon your blog. Cute site, encouraging and doing great work for the kingdom! Bless you!
Lillian, thanks so much for reading and commenting. Those mommy daughter dates are so precious. Happy New Year.
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